To not want XP to take DD to Australia?

[Aimsmum]

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[Aimsmum]

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[zazen]

wow I would say that you are not being unreasonable at all
He's going to stay with an old school mate -eh?
What if there is only one spare room - if he has a two bed apartment / house - is your Dd going to share a bed with her dad? what is the iteneary - Oz is HUGE!
And he's gone into debt? eh? in an economic downturn? To fly across the world to see someone who he hasn't seen in 7 years.. will he have enough to cover an emergency?

Blimey - it's a very long flight back if your XP decides he can't cope again!!!
YANBU.

Besides what's all this nonsense about this trip being once in a lifetime folks? The OP's DD may well be able to pop around the world every month when she's older. Why are you limiting her future, just because her dad's gone into debt to go when she's just 8.

[MaryMungo]

It's beginning to sound like he wanted the trip, then asked to take DD with so you couldn't tick him off about spending the money....

[Heated]

YANBU - given it didn't go well last time. I would want plenty of info about where they were staying, info about the friend, what his plans were whilst out there - just to show some thought had gone into her holiday, rather than it being a spur of the moment thing, as the need for the loan might indicate; it doesn't sound as if it's a long cherished dream he's been saving for.

DCs go on holiday with the g-ps. I always feel it's a wrench letting them go but the deciding factor is always that the dcs will have a fab time and get undivided attention.

[lauraloola]

I wouldnt. Could you go aswell? A few weeks is a long if he cant even have her for 2 nights on his own, he wont be able to call his parents to go to Australia.

[Elf]

Aimsmum, did he answer your questions about what would actually be happening on the holiday?

I feel inclined to think it is a bad idea for many of the reasons listed above. I just wanted to add that I don't understand why people keep saying "hey he's her father he's an adult etc, how dare you stop him." Not all fathers are great, some are neglectful and can't look after their own children properly. Trust the OP's own experience of this particular bloke.

[Aimsmum]

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[Aimsmum]

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[Aimsmum]

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[pamelat]

could he pay for you too? and you could stay at a hotel a few miles away, that would be nice .....

On a more sensible note, I think its too far without a test run.

[Buda]

I agree that she is to young to go that far without you. My DS is 7 and went camping last Friday night with DH and although he was desperate to go, he did sneak back to be for a big cuddle as DH was loading the car and then was a bit clingy when they got back on Saturday. Wouldn't admit that he had missed me of course but wanted to be with me all the time.

[AbbeyA]

I don't think she would be keen, from what you have said Aimsmum, so her feelings should come first. I think she would get more out of a 'trip of a lifetime' if she was older.

[jellybeans]

I also would worry that an 8 year old could be very distressed being so far from home/mum for so long. Recipe for disaster really. Sounds like it is more about him than her tbh. He can take her when she is a teenager anyway, there is no rush to go so far.

[jellybeans]

'And everyone saying it's a great oppertunity for her, do you really think so? '
I don't tbh. I bet she would have a much better time in Cornwall/Spain for a week/end just her and dad. Don't see what is so good about a specific place, especially one miles away, there are as nice/better places much nearer.

[VinegarTits]

Ok my initial reaction was yabu, but after ready your posts i have changed my mind, only you know your dd and what she will cope with so go with you instinct.

[Aimsmum]

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[DesperateTooDyson]

I agree with all those who say you need to know more about what he is proposing to do whilst in Oz.

Has he thought out where he would visit? Are these places suitable for children? Will he stay in every evening that he is away? What if his mate wants to go out in the evening and suggests someone else to babysit, what will he do?

I can understand why you would be reluctant to say yes to this trip but maybe if he can answer all your questions, it might put your mind at rest.

Although it is a lovely idea and might give him the chance to build an even better relationship with his daughter, I guess you need to know whether he has actually thought this through or not.

[Aimsmum]

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[AbbeyA]

I presume that you don't want to tell her beforehand in case she wants to go. I am fairly sure that if she were to be told of the plan she would be the one who didn't want to go. I wouldn't have gone so far away from my mother, for so long, at that age. I would have been in total panic.I think that if you did decide she could go you should tell her before he gets the tickets.

[Buda]

Whilst I am sure that if I were in your shoes my initial reaction would be no way is anyone taking my child that far without me, I would calm down and consider the practicalities.

You say he couldn't cope with her - what exactly was it that he couldn't cope with?

You are well within your rights to know where they will be staying and who with. Is the mate single? Will DD have her own room? What will your X do abut DD if he wants to go out at night?

I think I would email him back with a list of questions and tell him honestly that you are not keen but that you will consider it.

[AbbeyA]

Based on what you have said Aimsmum I would get him to wait until she is older.
I have a friend whose XH went to live in US. Their DS wouldn't stay with him until he got to about 16, it was his choice. He felt his mother was 100% reliable but his father might not have even got to the airport on time to meet him.

[Aimsmum]

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[Aimsmum]

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