How do you raise a minority child without being in the minority?

[lovingllamaa]

I apologise for the bad phrasing of the subject question... I just don't know to phrase it in another way.

I am white. I was in a relationship with someone who was black. I am now pregnant. He wants nothing to do with us. I am going to have a mixed race baby.

I just feel that before they are even born I have let them down. They are not going to have any connection to their black family however society is going to see them as black. They will have questions about their heritage that I will have no idea about. I

Are you in contact with his wider family? Parent, siblings? Even if he is a deadbeat parent your baby can have access to them surely?

Firstly, you haven't let them down. He has. You aren't to blame here.

Secondly, as pp says, can you involve his family?

Your first priority is being a good parent. Anything else can be a longer-term project (for the want if a better word). You care - that’s half the battle in some ways

Can you have contact with wider family? If not then there are other ways you can build up a network and practical knowledge about things like black hair / skincare (eg black hairdressers, local communities) but wait until after your baby is born. Focus on your health for now

I'm in this situation at the moment my DD is now 5. We have filled our house with books celebrating and recognising diversity, books with characters that look like her, dolls with darker skin and curly hair. I spent hours looking up how to care for her hair and involve her in choosing hair styles and accessories that she wants, and looking at photos of other children with similar textured hair for her to choose styles. She only asked recently about a lack of father in her life (no contact with his wider family either), I used that opportunity to show her a photo of them together as a newborn and to explain that she has darker skin because it's a mix of me and him (obviously explained better than that ). so far she is very self confident and happy with her darker skin and curly hair and will happily tell other people that she love it too. I'm following her lead in terms of other specific details about her culture etc