To want our house back to ourselves?

[JaneBond0007]

DH thinks I’m an “ungrateful bitch” for feeling this way as his Dad has been staying with us the past 3 weeks to help us with moving house and doing work on the new house. He’s staying with us as although only loves 30 minutes away he doesn’t currently have a car.
The first 2 weeks we were still living in the old house and doing up the new one and since Sunday have been living in the new house (surrounded by boxes)
Our bed isn’t up yet as room full of boxes so first night I had to sleep on the floor in one of the kids rooms as FIL on our large sofa.

I feel like a stranger in my own home and don’t even feel I can go sit in the lounge and put what I want on telly. FIL isn’t the easiest person to get on with as he has ASD so doesnt have a lot of social awareness eg has the tv blaring all night etc and I don’t feel I can go down and ask him to turn it down.
I feel like it’s DH and FILs house and I’m just an in conciseness guest. It’s not helping that there’s boxes everywhere which is driving me crazy.

So am I an ungrateful bitch who should be prepared to have FIL here indefinitely or am I right in wanting to be able to relax and have some alone time with DH in the evenings?

[HaveeeeYouMetTed]

How much more work needs to be done?
Does that work require his help?

[LouiseTrees]

I think it’s unreasonable that the first thing they did wasn’t build the beds!

[Jillypots]

You’re not an “ungrateful bitch” at all. Don’t underestimate how very stressful moving house is. I completely understand wanting your own space in your new home. But, it seems from your post that FIL is there to “help” and won’t be leaving until you’re settled in. My advice would be to crack on unpacking those boxes with a vengeance. Allocate X number of boxes to DH FIL and yourself every day, and make sure they get done. That way you’ll seen be settled and unpacked, and FIL will no longer need to stay. Good luck

[Cattitudes]

Maybe suggest that you and dc decamp to FIL house so not in the way . dh and FIL can then fend for themselves until house sorted out.

[User5768]

I cannot believe anyone vote yabu

[Tureen]

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable — moving is stressful enough without sharing a box-filled space with someone who is not an easy housemate — but hadn’t you discussed how long your FIL was going to stay? Or has he overstayed an originally shorter period? How much work remains to be done? The

[RJnomore1]

IS he helping?

[HellonHeels]

I am surprised you want to have alone time with a man who calls you a bitch. Horrible way for him to speak to you.

Get the boxes out of your bedroom, maybe pile them all up around the tv.

Then get the bed set up. That should have been the first thing that got done.

[FangsForTheMemory]

Sympathies. I had a lot of work done on my house recently and couldn’t relax until it was finished - and I had the place to myself for 18 hours a day. Can you afford a hotel or go and stay with friends?

@FlyingByTheSeatof You’re exceptionally offensive.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

If he's actually working on the house, providing free labour that you'd otherwise have to pay for, then I think you're being a bit ungrateful but I can still understand your frustration and your desire to have the house to just the two of you.

Moving house is stressful enough and it sounds like this move is particularly chaotic (I assume because you have to fix it up, not just live in it?). So try and cut yourself and everyone else some slack, and make a plan for getting everything done so he isn't needed there anymore. Also, stop tip toeing around things like asking him to turn the sound down when you're trying to sleep, be kind but firm - you need to sleep. It will feel more like your home when you act like it's your home!

[BoomBoomsCousin]

*Just the two of you, or the two of you and your kids - everyone bar FiL, in any case!

[FlyingByTheSeatof]

Urm this is an AIBU thread and the OP has asked a question which my comments, which are not unreasonable, have answered.
If the OP was my DH then I would seriously be thinking about ending the relationship. In fact I already know I would be making plans.

[Magnificentmug12]

3 weeks!! Is he building the house?

It is ungrateful...but a bitch is too far.

3 weeks is also a very long time for a house guest- I don’t know if I could put up with that if I’m honest- I’d want an extension being built to compensate another adult having to live with me and take over my home!

[Lochmorlich]

You may be a little ungrateful but why are you a bitch?
No way would my dh call me that.
If it were me i would be direct with fil eg. You're going to have to turn the tv down fil nobody can sleep.

[starfishmummy]

Tomorrow get the bed set up. And start arranging for your "D"H to run him home each night and collect him in the mornings.

[Magnificentmug12]

Didnt tell him to turn the tv down? Why not? Is he a nasty person?

I would have shouted it from the top of the stairs 😂

[Jillypots]

“Get the boxes out of your bedroom, maybe pile them all up around the tv.”

@HellonHeels - this is brilliant! What a fab plan :)

[ArcheryAnnie]

You have a DH problem as well as a FIL problem. If your DH thinks you are ungrateful, well, that's his point of view, even if it's wrong. If he thinks you are a "bitch", then he really doesn't deserve you at all.

[EL8888]

YANBU l can see why that all of that would be annoying. The TV thing would drive me insane and l would be tempted to rip the plug out of the wall if it was blaring in the middle of the night.

Is he helping or causing more issues and problems?

[Anystarinthesky]

@FlyingByTheSeatof

Urm this is an AIBU thread and the OP has asked a question which my comments, which are not unreasonable, have answered.
If the OP was my DH then I would seriously be thinking about ending the relationship. In fact I already know I would be making plans.

Bore off Flying and take the Am Drams with you.