To make DD pay half for lost uniform?

[TLIMSISNW]

DD1 has just started year 7.

She’s lost her school jumper which is £20. It’s her birthday next week and she will be getting birthday money. I’m debating making her pay £10 towards a new jumper or whether we should cough up and just buy a new one.

I don’t want to be mean but also I do t want her to think that she can be careless with her stuff and we will just keep replacing it. Or perhaps we could but this one but if she loses another one then she will have to pay or contribute then.

I’m sure this is quite a common issue so WWYD/what have you done if this has happened with your DC?

[Parmavioletmum]

I think for a first 'offence' you should replace it but I agree there should be consequences like you suggest so I would be making it clear that if she loses anything else she will be made to pay 50%, if it keeps happening she will have to replace it herself.

[Greydove28]

Wow that is so harsh!!

[Cabinfever10]

Kids lose things. Yes she should take more care, but did the jumper have her name in it, have you checked lost property?
Unless your dd regularly loses her uniform and or you have warned her that she would have to pay to replace any lost uniform you would be massively unreasonable

[BumBurnerBum]

Yes if this is a regular thing. However for a first offence I think that's mean. Especially as she has just started Year 7, which is a huge adjustment and she will have lots of things to remember.

[Houseplantmad]

Was it labelled? At the school I work at we already have a box of lost property so get her to go to the office next week to ask. It may take a few days to get there though by the time the finder remembers or has time to drop it off.

Don't punish her as there will be many important things she is trying to remember just now and it is easy to lose track. Encourage her to put it straight into her bag if she takes it off.

[Swiftnicola]

The only way I would make her pay off is if you give her a very generous allowance. Not fair on those giving her money to just take it for yourself. (But yes, if she is careless with her stuff generally then tell her next time she pays half.)

[MagpieSong]

I wouldn’t make her pay this time, it can be overwhelming in a new environment while trying to organise yourself, socialise and get your mind round things - and I’ve also seen some older students nick a Jumper/blazer and chuck it across the hall or into a tree for a laugh. I’d say, this time you pay rather than her as it’s a first time thing, but remind her if she takes it off it needs to go in locker/school bag/round waist (if allowed) and next time she’ll have to pay.

[seayork2020]

My son has lost a few things so he does not pay for them, I think making kids pay may make the parents feel better but I can't imagine kids going to lose something at school but thinking 'i better not lose it or it will cost me'

As a kid I lost some things but it just happened it was not intentional

[XiCi]

You would make her pay for the school jumper out of her birthday money? Holy shit, that's awful.

It is likely in lost property with about 50 other jumpers. Did you label it?

[TwoBlueFish]

I bought replacements for the first half term and told him that anything he lost after that he’d be contributing to. I think he lost one jumper after that but he’d decided it wasn’t cool to wear jumpers by then.

[SoupDragon]

Losing the odd thing is just an accident but DSs used to have to "earn" the cost of multiple lost things by doing chores (ironing their own school shirts for example). They never actually had to pay money as that money would only have been given to them anyway, not worked for.

[RedskyAtnight]

Was it lost or was it taken by someone else? Was it named, has she checked lost property (if it wasn't named the chances of seeing it again are practically nil).

Unless she loses stuff a lot I wouldn't make her pay for it - though this also depends on how much birthday money she gets - some children on MN seem to get incredibly high amounts and lots of presents as well, so if this is her I might think differently.

[Cadent]

I agree that there should consequences for repeated loss of possessions.

[Mischance]

Oh no - do not make her pay! She is adjusting to "big school" and has enough on her plate without being made to feel bad over a slip-up. Check with school lost property and check out their second hand stuff.

I am always fascinated by adults who think it is OK to "punish" children for a mistake. Adults make mistakes too and do not have someone breathing down their necks waiting to teach them a lesson for simply being human.

If she had deliberately ripped up her jumper it would be different. I am sure she already feels bad about losing it.

[june2007]

For a year seven then I think yabu. If this happens a lot or they were older then perhaps but first time let it go.

[whirlwindwallaby]

I'd replace with a second hand one if available, if she wants new she pays the extra cost.

[SuitedandBooted]

Too harsh - she has only just started, and has a lot to deal with at a new school. I would get tough if she is constantly losing stuff and expecting you to replace it, but not in the first month back!

Also somebody may have just nicked it. DD "lost" a new coat, swimsuit and 2 fleeces during her first term. They were removed from her peg, sports bag and locker, - so not "lost" by her, - stolen by nasty little shits.

Has she checked lost property - did you label it properly?

[nosswith]

Seems a reasonable thing to do. I am sure it will be the last time a jumper is lost as a result.

[drivingmisspotty]

I am always fascinated by adults who think it is OK to "punish" children for a mistake. Adults make mistakes too and do not have someone breathing down their necks waiting to teach them a lesson for simply being human.

I think this is more natural consequences than a punishment though? If I lose my jumper I either have to do without it or buy a new one out of my pocket. Nobody is waiting to punish me, no, but it still costs me.

[ToastyCrumpet]

I would have her earn back the cost of a new one in chores.

[WeBuiltThePyramids]

Very harsh for a first offence in year 7 but can be effective for repeat offenders. When DS was in year 7 I was always tracking down bags left on the school bus and replaced several individual items that got lost, ie PE socks, football boots (how do you lose one boot?). Finally DS lost his entire PE kit and I replaced the whole thing but warned it was the last time.

The very next week he lost the entire, brand new, kit. I stuck to my guns and made him pay to replace the whole lot from saved pocket money. Guess what? He never lost anything again!

[LizzieBananas]

I would only do this if they were super blasé about not looking for it: asking their teachers, going to lost property etc. Otherwise, give them time to look for it.

[Seventybillionnamechanges]

School jumpers get lost. To be fair if I had to change desk six or seven time’s a day I’d likely leave my Cardi hanging over the back of one now and then. Throw in changing for PE, break times etc and I think it’s pretty likely to happen now and then.

[Nootkah]

Our blazers cost 55-70 depending on size. Ordinary state comprehensive. The whole uniform, if you buy one of everything and three shirts, comes in about 280. I told my son he only got to lose his blazer once, and after that we'd GPS tag any replacement ones!

We'd had a uniform refresh the year he started so there werent any second hand items knocking about. I think now, Id be inclined to replace lost items with second hand items, but may have given him a pass in the first half term of year 7. The only thing he has permanently lost so far though is one PE sock (which are £12 a pair new).

So yea, ywbu to make her pay it out of her birthday money. Ywnbu to provide second hand replacement - if she doesn't want second hand she might WANT to contribute, ywnbu to discuss with her what will happen if she loses more items in future in rwlation to co tributions/responsibility.