Tell me about your worst ever date(98 Posts)
I'm trying (and failing) to conceive and need some cheering up, so I wondered if anyone wanted to share terrible date stories?
I'll start (although it's not exactly what happened on the date, but after); I once went on a date when I was 14 with a guy who was a couple of years older than me. He clearly adored me, to the extent that he declared that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I didn't enjoy it one bit and then he tried to kiss me, it was awful, all slobbery and wet. He spent the whole date telling me how he loved me, and then I got home and found he had sent me 12 red roses for when I got back from the date. He called me everyday after and I would get my mum to say I wasn't home.
One time I forgot and answered the phone. He asked if it was me and I answered "sorry, I'm not home right now!!" And hung up.
I had quite a nice long walk to a pub, drink, and walk back with a guy I met on a course. Seemed like a good use of our afternoon.
Then he came into my flat, exclaimed over how cute it was, and asked if he could move in.
Mine isn’t even that bad but a couple of years ago, when I was 19, I went on date with a guy I met on tinder.
He suggested the alchemist as a nice place to meet for a drink so I agreed. Upon arrival, he’d lied about his height and a few other things but I gave him the benefit of the doubt (my current boyfriend of 1.5 years is my height 5’9 ish).
He bought the first drink so instead of asking for the one I wanted which was £12 I got a much cheaper £7 one and so did he. I offered to buy the second drink and he picked the most expensive thing on my menu meaning I’d spent triple what he had and there was no connection at all.
I went on a date with a guy who had a few pints whilst we waited for our meals to come, and then he promptly dozed off. I finished my meal before waking him up to say I was going to head home. He looked confused and asked if I fancied going somewhere else for a drink ? He did contact me afterwards to say how disappointed he was that he hadn't heard from me since the date as he though we had gotten on really well ( he must have dreamed that bit )
There are so many, I could write a blog!
I'll pick this one though, as it's one I've not told many people about IRL so I think I'm fairly safe 😂
It was one of my first 'post-divorce' dates, so I was very out of practise and extremely nervous. I rarely drink much, never have, but whilst waiting for date to arrive (he was late...but had called to say so) I had a glass of wine.
He arrived full of apologies, and immediately bought me another to 'say sorry'. It was already getting on for 9pm by this point, and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. Dinner is ordered, and a bottle of wine! I'm already feeling very tipsy, but nerves took hold and I had more wine...still waiting to eat! Food arrives...looks amazing, but my stomach is by now fully loaded with red wine and I start feeling sick 🤢
Yup! I vomited all over the table...food is ruined...I'm crying (always do!) and he just looks on in horror. I'm so mortified but can't stop heaving (and crying!)
To his credit, he didn't run out on me, paid the bill and made sure I got home safely. But there was no second date 🤷♀️
Online dating, first date. Date itself was fine.
Running into him, his wife and baby at the supermarket later that evening ruined it a bit though..
I left and got on a bus to the station - unluckily there was another bus just after and he followed me onto a train and started pleading with me how he just wanted sex, how sad he was still living with his mother and how he hated his job as a traffic warden!
Sure Ive told this before but there was he guy who lied about being a hotel manager, when he was actually a waiter (didn't care except for the lie), went to the toilet, came back and held my hands with his wet ones and told me I was good breeding stock.
Then a guy who I didn't really fancy but who I thought had lots of personality who told me on the first date he'd just been let out of a mental hospital in France where he'd tried to rob a bank. After I declined a second date he said he'd thought I wasn't so shallow...
The bloke who told me (Completely seriously) he was pleased I “was as fat in real life as I looked in my photo because he had always wanted to fuck a fat bitch” was a particular low point...turns out he had a “weird fuck bingo” going on with his mates.
Oh no @G5000 what an arse!
@Carouselfish you shallow person you! WTH would he even tell you that on a first date. Bit weird, how did he weave that into the conversation!? Lol.
@Ghostontoast And you didn't immediately jump him on the train? Shame on you!!!￼
@BanSprouts did he not remember falling asleep? Are you that boring? ￼
@northernknickers I'm impressed he stayed, pretty sure half the men I've dated would have buggered off!
held my hands with his wet ones and told me I was good breeding stock wtaf!
I went on a date once with a guy who I had met online. We went to a ‘trendy’ bar in London and we were talking about skiing. He then asked me to show him how I skied. I was a bit and refused. He then proceeded to show me his ‘perfect’ stance and told me “I do not believe people can really ski until they can say that they own the mountain”
Needless to say I didn’t see him again
@Whyhaveidonethis I know right! 😳
He was really chivalrous about the whole thing (I mean, yes, he did look horrified at my first gush, but then who wouldn’t be a bit 😱 watching their fillet steak being ruined by someone else’s vomit 🤷♀️).
To be fair, he messaged me the following day to check that I was ok, so there might have been a glimmer of hope...but I was way too embarrassed by my appalling show the night before 🤦♀️
When I was younger my first ever boyfriend took me to McDonald’s for a first day. Being young at the time I didn’t really mind but I was just getting over an illness and still off my food. I couldn’t eat it. He thought I was being a right snob but I had just been so Ill.
Another time I was seeing a guy. He asked if I wanted to take a drive and get some good (kfc). I said yes. Now I’m not a girl who expects a man to pay but he picked me how and told his bank card had been swallowed and I’d have to pay for both. Again I don’t mind but it turns out his bank card was not swallowed he was just too embarrassed to say he was absolutely skint... I went out with the same guy one night. He got smashed and I had to basically hold him up walking home. Needless to say it didn’t last long.
My first date with my now OH of 7.5 years wasn’t great. we actually met on a dating site. I was going out for the night with some friends and Asked him to come meet me for a bit. I felt safer doing it that way. We could
Not hear a bloody thing in the club. I wasn’t drunk at all but he was driving so completely sober and it just wasn’t great. Thankfully it’s all been good since then! We just aren’t ‘clubbers’ 🤣
A couple of weeks ago someone asked me on a date. I said I'd like to spend time with him and get to know him a bit better, but not sure I wanted a full-on relationship, which he said was fine.
The next day I get a call asking, "Where are you?"
Me - "I'm out at the moment, why?"
Him, "I'm outside your house."
He then said I was sending mixed signals and I was messed up. I swiftly told him a date wouldn't be happening....weirdo...
My current DP tells me the first time we met, I told him he had great nipples, as they were sticking through his shirt. I then proceeded to rub them!! He was slightly terrified.
My old boss asked me out on a date to go to a funfair.
I went out the previous night and got hammered, so I was feeling a bit hung over.
It was a hot August bank holiday and the Funfair was packed solid, but I felt really sick so I bought some bottled water.
I watched as he went on some rides on his own, then he convinced me to go on the umbrella ride , needless to say I threw up🤮 and the trail of watery sick hit 2 girls sitting behind us! They exclaimed where is this water coming from!! Erm..... it was my 🤢 sick!
To add to my humiliation, the guy running the Umbrella ride had to put a cleaning sign out and people had to queque for the ride.
The guy said to me....... So you didn’t like the ride then!
My ex boss thought it was really funny...... no romance developed!!🥳
@Neverender I think you swerved a missile there. Bloody hell, did he expect you to invite him in and ravish him?
I went out for dinner with a man I met speed dating. We ordered a starter and a main each. He wolfed his starter in three mouthfuls then reached his fork over and wolfed the rest of mine. He did the same with the mains. I declined ordering a dessert as I knew I wouldn't get to eat that either. I asked for the bill and he said "we're going half's right?". I said that as I only had one drink and three mouthfuls of food, as he had eaten the rest, that he should pay the whole bill. He said that it's nice to share each others meals when you're on a date and that I was being unreasonable! I put a £20.00 note on the table, told him I had to leave as I was working the early shift in the morning, got a taxi home and never saw him again. That was ten years ago and his FB status says he's still single, I wonder why!
I was on a date with a guy one time. We'd met online and he'd seemed nice, but in person the whole thing was just lacking 'spark'. I was working out how to knock it on the head and go home.
He persuaded me to go to a club. Alright, I thought. I fancy a dance and I can maybe lose him in the crowd (I was young, don't judge me).
He started doing a very odd swaying dance in front of me. (Like Phoebe in Friends when she's trying to fake-seduce Chandler.)
Then he took his water bottle, held it over his head, and tipped it all over himself. I think he thought it looked sexy or something. But he had neither the face, the body nor the attitude to carry it off. He looked like he was delousing himself.
And then the club people started yelling because he'd spilled water all over the dance floor. I left, sharpish, and got a bus home.
Went out with a guy I'd met at a group I'd joined. Not my usual type but I was out of a long term abusive relationship and thought what the hell.
Spent the first part of the evening telling me his loan and come through and his insurance payout too so he had quite a bit of money. OK, bit weird but I always went Dutch on dates so it wasn't an issue. He ordered steak, cocktails etc, I got what I wanted. The bill came and he got his coat saying 'you'll have to get get this - I didn't bring my wallet out.
More fool me I agreed to a second date. We went Dutch this time but it was only to the cinema. On the way home to told me I was going to have to convert to Catholicism to stay with him and to expect to have twins because they ran in the family. STILL being stupid I agreed to him staying over. Except as soon as we'd DTD he leapt out of bed saying he needed to go to confession for sleeping with a fallen woman.
There was no third date.
Whyhaveidonethis I've no idea! He said I was, "Ungrateful"
First date with a guy. He drove us to the nearest big town (40 minutes away) to a pub with a pool table and proceeded to beat me 12 times out of 13. (And that was only because he accidentally potted the black or whatever it was he did) 13 fucking games of fucking pool! I didn't even like pool! And as we lived so far from that town he wasn't drinking and I had a half a lager. Dullest date ever.
I still married him though and you couldn't ask for a better hubby and father.
We also spent our first year or so of dating going on nights out to that big town, drinking in the pubs and clubs then having to wait til 4 or 5am because the taxis (even pre-booked) refused to drop out of towners off until the locals were home because they could make far more money doing 20 trips to our one trip.
It took us over a year to admit we hated it. I think I said it first and he said, "THANK FUCK FOR THAT! Me too! I'd much rather stay in with a cuppa!"
Now we high five each other when we find we have a good excuse to decline an invite to some event like a cousin's wedding reception or a friend's 40th etc.
He bragged about how he’d nearly been thrown out of university because his womanising was affecting his studies. He also relished telling me how he used any excuse to touch up his (female) tennis coach.
And they say romance is dead.
Oh, actually I’ve got another one that was just as horrific. Bumped into someone with whom I used to work and we agreed to catch up over a coffee one lunch. Except he’d booked a Michelin starred restaurant (without telling me) and proceeded to crack on to me throughout the meal, to the point that I had to invent a) a rugby-playing boyfriend who was the jealous type and b) an afternoon client meeting I needed to rush back for. The whole thing was utterly mortifying and he’d gone to so much effort (and expense) I didn’t feel I could tel him he was a presumptuous arse who was already ringing my consent alarm bells.
I worked selling roses round pubs and clubs years ago. Really enjoyable work and we donated a percentage to Special care baby units in various hospitals around the North West. I had one boyfriend make a beeline for me when I entered a club he was drinking in. He asked me if I wanted a drink and, needing a break, I'd said, "sure, thanks."
Got to the bar, he ordered himself and I a drink and then told me I'd need to buy them. I said I obviously didn't have any money and he pointed to my money tin. It was sealed! I couldn't get to my boss's money even if I wanted to. He expected me to open it and buy the drinks and leave him with a tenner too so he didn't have to go home yet.
I declined the request of stealing from my bosses (and of course, the special care baby units!) and luckily one of my regular customers witnessing this awkward scene turned round and said, "Here Brontesisters, I'll get them in." And paid for my drink so I could have my drink and slink away embarrassed!
@PlausibleSuit that made me snigger.... I wonder if he'd seen an advert and thought it looked super cool?! 😂
@BronteSisters lol. Me and DP drank Rose wine everytime we met up because I had been skint the first time we had dinner together as it was the cheapest thing on the menu, until I finally admitted to him that I didn't actually like it!! He then said "me either--I only drunk it because ordered it that night!! 😂
Many years ago I worked in an office with a bloke, our desks faced each other. We became sort of friends, having the occasional lunchtime drink but nothing more.
One afternoon he asked me to go out on a date with him that evening which I did. We had a great time and as we were close to where he lived he suggested I go back with him to call a taxi (pre mobile phone days).
He suggested a drink before calling for the taxi and I said great. He disappeared and shortly reappeared, not with drinks but stark naked apart from his socks, stood proudly in the doorway and said TA DA!!
I creased up with laughing and couldn't stop, he was furious (and presumably embarrassed) and I grabbed my bag and left.
The next day I apologised for my reaction but he refused to look or speak to me and that continued for six months until I left.
I went on a blind date in my late teens with a guy I met online. Date went ok ish, he wasn't exactly my type. At the end of the date I could see he was very keen to kiss me (I wasn't keen). He was trying to get closer to me and the he started to growl at me. I guess he thought that would turn me on or something. It didn't.
The very first date I went on was with a guy a few years older than me who I met online. There was no discussion of where we would go, he just informed me we were going to play pool and watch a film. I had never played pool before and he touched my backside repeatedly and rubbed his crotch over me under the guise of 'teaching me'! The game finished and I informed him we needed to go to the cinema otherwise we'd miss the film. He put his arm out in front of me to stop me and said, in a very serious and stern voice "we go to the cinema when I say we go to the cinema." I refused a second date and he text me a few days later saying he wasn't sure why I didn't like him saying we go to the cinema when he says we go because he friend told him that's what girls liked?? Still makes me feel sick thinking about it!! Weirdo!!
@SilverySurfer omg. I have this picture of him in my head shaking his dangles!!! 😂 How on earth did you look at him each day after that?!!
Whilst I was at uni a boy I’d been on a couple of dates before going to uni contacted me he started phoning constantly, sending me flowers then visited to take me out for dinner he said he had a surprise for me. He turned up in a zooped up fiesta complete with bucket seats and a really loud exhaust it was so embarrassing after dinner he asked me whether he’d be staying over I lied and said I was on a twilight shift and ran for the hills
@SilverySurfer you encountered the naked man in the wild youtu.be/8oDBHn6W90I
A guy i went on a date with told me he had divorced his wife as she hadn't "obeyed him" like she had said in her vows. He walked me to my car afterwards, but when i got in he pinned me against my seat, leant in and shoved his whirring tongue in my mouth hard, whilst jamming his hand down the neck of my top and pumping his hand on my boob. He was that all-male public school type and seriously uncool.
1. Guys card declined in NANDO'S.
2. Guy wouldn't stop staring at me and didn't speak at all (shy). Then as I was on the phone to my best friend briefly and he went to go buy tickets, I caught him staring at me from behind the pillar. Nope.
3. I have a terrace and my date wanted a cigarette. I was in the kitchen and heard an almighty crash and ping! He had tried to climb over my baby gate but somehow tore it off the doorframe and got his foot tangled in the bars.
4. Guy got so drunk after dinner he threw up in the taxi home. I got out at a random train station, said goodbye and proceeded to get lost somewhere in East Ham.
A guy spent quite some time coming to my office to chat me up. After several weeks, he asked me if I'd like to go to the theatre, maybe we could have something to eat first.
I bloody love the theatre and jumped at this offer, hoping for something at the National or Old Vic.
He took me to see Cats. I fucking hate musicals, and love TS Eliot. I think capital punishment would be mild for what Lloyd Webber did to Old Possum's book. It was an appalling couple of hours.
And the something to eat was at a dreadful Aberdeen Steak House!
I'd rather have stayed home and cleaned the oven than endure that.
@LakieLady oh god, I agree. I bloody hate Cats. Real ones and the musical!!
@EmmiJay not all the same guy?
I went for a blind date with a guy who I met online. He picked me up with very fancy car that his parents had bought for him. We had a dinner and he paid. But he was really boring. When he dropped me off he asked if I am now going to be his girlfriend. And I should decide straight away because there are other girls waiting for to be his girlfriend. I said no and bye bye.
This guy took me to his local pub and offered me cocaine. I drink decaf tea. He was well off the mark
Ugh. So many.
1) had a guy move in my face and slobber over my face like a dog. I had no choice but to wipe from ear to ear and nose to chin with my palm when he was done.
2) one got so horrifically drunk but insisted he was driving home. So I stole his keys and phone and called his mum to get him. He was almost 30.
3) made a grown man cry (again drunk) when I pulled him up on a misogynistic comment
4) guy turned up an hour late, said he fell asleep after he got out of the bath I'd travelled a long way to meet him so stupidly stayed. He suggested going back to his for drinks and was clearly trying to get me drunk, so I played him at his own game and topped up his drink with rum whenever his back was turned.
He threw up in his own shoe.
First one should be *move in for a kiss! I must still be traumatised
Aw LakieLady it sounds like he tried. I'd have liked to be taken to see Cats. Not so much the steak house.
I've had a number of dodgy dates. Two spring to mind:
1. Went out, had nice evening, got home and my phone rang and it was definitely him but saying truly vile things about what he wanted to do to me (sexually). Quite a shock as he'd seemed normal. I hung up and when he rang back I handed the phone to my lodger who was a police sergeant and said: "Hello I'm PS xx, if you ever call this number again you'll be getting a visit from my colleagues." Didn't hear again.
2. Another guy I met on line turned out to be noting like his photo or description. I'd barely sat down and he produced the most enormous plate sized piece of chocolate which had been hand decorated with my name and hearts. I never ate it and declined second date.
@Mummymummums I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have eaten the chocolate either!!!
Love these stories, keep them coming
@Bansku19 are you sure he was old enough to drive?! 😂
1) Went to a ceilidh with him and couldn't cope with the sweat and bo that was coming from him. I know I sound shallow, but it was making me feel sick. I decided that if we were meant to be I wouldn't have reacted so strongly to it.
2) Travelled across the country to see a bloke I'd met on a train. Think this was our second date. He was in the RAF. We had lunch, then walked back to barracks. He took me to his room then left me for a couple of hours to pick up his motorbike from the garage. There was nothing for me to do. We then walked to the NAAFI to get food. I think he made me pay for my own - a ready meal. Rest of the date followed in similar fashion - I didn't see him again.
3) Met up with a guy who had shown interest in me. Turns out he was married and had a newborn baby. I ended up spending the entire date giving him marriage guidence!
@Whyhaveidonethis Not the same guy no...imagine if it was!😯🤣
I was 19 and quite shallow....got asked out by a guy I’d spoken to a few times in my local. Didn’t fancy him but he had a Lexus and my mates all thought he was fit and apparently ‘loaded’. So I agreed to a date and asked him to pick me up from work (so everyone could see his flash car ) id told everyone at work that he was minted and we’d probably go for cocktails and a nice meal somewhere...
He took me to Maccy d’s and got himself a fish fillet burger that STANK. I turned down the ever so appealing menu and just had a coke. After the ‘meal’ he said he’d take me to see his ‘home gym’ I was stupidly young and easily impressed (and wanting something decent to tell my mates) so off we went. I was expecting something like Bannatynes gym and spa....unfortunately it was an exercise bike in the middle of his bedsit, that he seemingly used as a wardrobe and a couple of weights on the floor.
Thankfully I wasn’t silly enough to sleep with him or agree to a second date! Weirdly he text me the next day saying “I’ve never fallen for someone so quickly before”
Thankfully I learnt to be less shallow.
I was 19 went on a date with a 30 year old guy I'd met at a party, he spent most the date relating every topic of conversation to Alan Partridge. It was excruciating as I kept having to say I'd never seen it. He invited me back to his to watch it, then robbed the cab I'd flagged when I politely declined.
A friend asked if I wanted to go to the cinema. Totally normal for us. Except it suddenly became clear whilst we were chatting before the film that he thought it was a date. Except it wasn’t just that it was a date, it was that this was the start of our relationship and how he couldn’t wait to introduce me to all his family. I racked my brains for ages trying to think if I’d missed some earlier clues but there was literally nothing. I clarified definitively after the film that I’d had a nice time but I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. I phased him out, not just because of this but because of normal life stuff but for about a year I’d get random emails telling me he still loved me and was I sure I didn’t want to try again. So my worst date was one I didn’t even know I was on.
I had two dates, a few years apart in totally different circumstances and both ended with my date and my oldest friend sleeping together. On the actual date. Yes, it happened TWICE
She's still my oldest friend and funnily enough neither of us ever saw the guys again...
Northern if it makes you feel better, I once projectile vomited on a second date. My date had to throw his beer out so I could continue to throw up into it
I am normally the terrible one! I didn’t date much when I was younger, so when I did start (mid-20s) I DEFINITELY came on too strong. I really cringe about it now!
One first date that WASN’T me being the ridiculous one: a guy told me he wanted to take me to his mum’s 60th in Majorca. Next week. With his whole family. He also told me all about getting his ex pregnant three times and all about their miscarriages (I’ve suffered that myself and know it’s painful, but this date lasted less than an hour!)
I had a few dates with a tall, dark and very handsome guy. I was on the rebound from a real mess, and thought all my Christmasses had come at once until he told me that he would be happy to have me as his steady girlfriend but I needed to understand that every now and then he would go off for a month or so with another woman, and then return.
He was terribly offended when I turned that offer down.
@MidsomerMum this is the type of thing that happens to me!! For some reason men seem to think that I want a relationship with them when I'm 100% sure that I don't and that I never gave them a reason to think that I would. I have lots of platonic friends and often go out for drinks etc with them, then every so often one of them will seem to think this is a relationship!! Why do men do that.
I met a guy OLD (a very long time ago now) and when we met up, he just completely gave me the creeps. Like my instinct just kicked in and I was like no, this is not right.
I think we were going bowling but we ended up chatting a bit first and then I found a way to make my excuses and disappear.
Many years later, I worked in a social services like role involving child safeguarding. I needed to do a search of the sexual offenders registry related to a particular person who had contact with a child I was working with. I wasn’t living in the UK at the time, but I suspect this wouldn’t be possible now, certainly not with GDPR. I wasn’t sure if the person had provided his correct name, but I had his address so was able to run a search restricted to a very tight geographic area around the address. I didn’t find who I was looking for, but one of the entries that did pop up was this guy I had been on a date with.
I knew his full name and there was a photo of him. He was convicted of a rape that occurred about 4 months after we’d met. Fucking creepy as hell. Thank god I trusted my instincts.
I also once went on a date with a guy who was a very passionate vegan (I was vegetarian at the time, I think we met through a local vegetarian meet up group). On our first date, he spent a lot of time talking about how he mostly only eats organic brown rice. Like nothing else really. Okay, fine. When it came time to pay for dinner, he suddenly realised he’d “forgotten his wallet”. While I have no trouble paying for a date, I had also driven an hour to meet him.
He had the chef’s special pineapple fried rice. I suspect he just wanted a fancy special rice meal out that was more exciting than his usual fare of steamed brown rice, and I was gullible enough to fall for it.
I tried apologising, tried speaking but nothing and I'm sure it wasn't helped by the quivering of my lips every time I tried lol. OMG that video
I once went on a date with a woman who spent the evening telling me all about some guy who she really REALLY REALLY fancied and asking me for suggestions on how she could hook him.
A guy who I used to pass walking home from work, that always used to smile and say hi to me. Which then progressed to asking me out - said no as I had a BF. One day after the BF and I had split, he asked me out again and I said yes. He then stood me up - and must have found a different route home after that as I never saw him again.
A guy who wanted me to wear his ex-GF rubber and PVC fetish wear. He'd bought it - and kept it after they split because it was expensive... But it was OK because he'd cleaned it first!! I couldn't find the door quick enough.
He burped in my mouth.
Grim! Although that just reminded me of my one and only ONS who farted when he came. And not just a little parp - a proper buttock rippling lengthy raspberry job. It was disgusting and he thought it was funny <vom>
Reservoir Dogs. He accused me of being in a funny mood after watching it...
Dh went on a first date to see Basic Instinct. Neither knew what the film was about and were both quite innocent in the ways ofthe world.
Mine was with my husband. So I was eager to impress him and I’d lied and told him how much I loved football why I couldn’t be honest I don’t know. Anyway, he takes me to a sports bar to watch ‘the match’ where he tells me ‘order whatever you want as long as it’s under £7.50 because I’ve only got £15 in the bank’ I had a fish finger sandwich.
Then for god knows what reason, I decided to order us shots, and beer, and more shots. I threw up under the table, got asked to leave. My husband had to carry me home. I threw up down his arm, and on his shoe en route.
He slept on my sofa which is a good job because I pissed the bed. Horrific night! I was pregnant a few weeks later but absolutely not from that night!
Ug. Blind date through cousins husband. Guy picks me up and has talk show on car radio. We know absolutely nothing about each other. As I start to make conversation, he says “shhhhh I’m listening to the program”. I am silent for a few minutes then ask him just a few getting to know you questions, like what he does, etc. He sighs and answers me like a robot. Silence again. We get to the movie and watch in silence.
On the way home I again try to strike up something to stop the bloody silence! He sighs and says, “I already told you”. We arrive at my doorstep and I mutter something and fling the door open as fast as I can as he leans forward to kiss me. I run into my house with breakneck speed. Later I get a call from cousin saying X didn’t know what went wrong and he wanted to see me again😱!
I went on a date with someone I met online dating. We went to Wetherspoons as he could afford anything else. Not an issue but on the way back, walking along he thought it was funny to pull my jeans down. I think he wasn’t quite right.
We went together to an information evening, both in the same kind of job but think he is a dentist, me a dental technician, so a bit 'lesser'. Said, 'I expect most of that lecture went over your head'. Next date Macdonald's, he had a BOGOFF deal.
Reader, I married him! 20 years later, he is kind, and thoughtful but still truly bad at compliments. Day to day he's amazing, anything special he messes up, it's a standing joke in our family.
Chatting online for weeks, agreed to meet up and both knew exactly what for.
(Way back in wilder days)
He had hinted how he liked completely hair free women, me being a gargantuan fool told him that luckily for him I actually was.
Getting ready for said meeting I had a couple of wines and a tube of immac.
Left it on too long (by 15 minutes, I wanted to be sure it had worked)
One hour into the big scene and I confessed what I'd done.
He dropped me at a&e, I had chemical burns, came home in a giant nappy and literally couldn't sit down for days.
He never called for a second date.
I imagine he thinks of it as a lucky escape. 😂
I’ve not really been on a tonne but I once went on a date to an Italian restaurant, spilt red pasta sauce all down my predominantly white black and white dress and then as I was saying good bye at the end of the night, stepping into the taxi I missed and fell over spraining my ankle. 🤣 Smooth. 🤣
He ended up being the last man I ever dated actually after seeing him a few more times I just couldn’t bring myself to kiss him. I realised I had to admit to myself that I just wasn’t attracted to men.
Actually I had a Valentine’s Day date once where my boyfriend at the time invited me around for dinner and his mum cooked for us 🙈🤣 we had meatballs from a tin 😳🤣 he was about 20 at the time!
First was a guy who I'd told I didn't want more children. Anyway I meet him for a date and over lunch he takes my hand across the table. He's looking at my hand and turning it over. I ask what he's doing and he says he's working out how healthy I am from my hands...and looking for someone to have children with!!! 😳 I declined a second date.
Second one...planned to meet at 12...get a text at 10 to say he's going to be late could I make it 1.30. Fair enough. Then get another one to say he missed his train and could we make it 3pm!!! I still meet him although I am expecting to be stood up. We do the intros and go into the restaurant that he chose, sit down with the menu and he says ' I don't fancy anything here do you want to try another one?' Eh! No I'm starving this will be fine. Again I declined a second date. 🙄
I met a guy on POF, who randomly turned out I'd seen his band play twice in previous years. So that broke the ice. Anyway, as a lead singer he was very loud and acted confident. But, I'm used to being the loud one in a relationship! 🤣
He was a nice bloke, but shouted instead of talking (deaf from all his gigs?). He had a West Midlands accent that combined with the shouting made him sound rather Noddy Holder-esque.
We met in a village pub 20 miles from each of us, despite the brashness he was a laugh, but everyone was staring at us because of his booming voice and every other word being, fuck, shit, twat, wanker etc.
He suggested we go for a bite in the pub restaurant. I was 20 miles from home and thought if he ate he might calm down, so I agreed.
We sat down and he started cracking bad jokes with me and the waitress about 'chef's special sausage' etc. I was cringing.
Then while waiting for the starter, I accidentally knocked his knife and fork off the table with my hands, as I gesticulated. I apologised and quick as a flash, he responded in a chuckling (loud) voice, "Aaah, don't worry about it cuntyfuckchops!"
That term of endearment literally hung in the air like a ripe fart. The three other tables of folk dining in there went silent and all looked over at us. I was almost sliding down my chair from absolute embarrassment.
Swearing has its time and place. I swear like a sailor. The c-word doesn't bother me, but as a compliment?!?
I honestly thought I was on a hidden camera show. Surely he was an actor.
I excused myself to the loo. Rang my mate literally dying of shame and laughter. She offered the get out phone call. I declined, I was too far into this date and the mains where due. Plus I still thought I was being set up.
I went back to the table... I thought it surely can't get worse than cuntyfuckchops. Mains came out, he had a massive stacked burger, with a stick through it. To make conversation I pointed at his plate and without thinking, I said "That's massive!"
To which, he put his hands behind his head, leant back in the chair laughing and bellowing, "STOP LOOKING AT MY COCK!"
I just wanted to hide right there and then. Went crimson.
I'm still dining out on this horrendous date story over five years on.
@gonewiththemadness I've logged that little beauty in the memory bank. 🤣
My DP and I sometimes call each other it, he found the dating story as hilarious as 'cuntyfuckchops'.
Oh and I forgot to say, cuntyfuckchops man-spread his legs when he leant back in his chair. Booming Bout his cock.
Online date. He was really nervous and my that I mean really nervous. Shook with nerves the whole time. Couldnt eat anything from nerves. I, obviously could, so he just watched me eat and then I did a runner. He offered to give me a lift but I declined it....
Not really a date, but when I was 19 my then boyfriend's dad took us to a curry house. I'd had a beer before the meal, then wine was served with the meal.
I'm not sure why but it all went to my head, I had to go to toilet, throw up, then come back and eat my curry and pretend nothing had happened .
Another one...he didn't really have a job except for living off an inheritance and looking after a property for his parents, and working as a TV extra. I asked what his most enjoyable part had been and he said going to Portugal to be an extra in a Madeliene McCann reconstruction....
And just recently, I was speed dating and was informed that he always thought that working with money was bad (me having just told him I do a job that involves money..and it's a charity FFS). I'm sure there was a logic in his head, but I'm stuck on HOW he thought this was a good thing to say.
I once took a girl out on a date who completely ignored me. I mean, sat with her back to me playing on her phone. That was after she turned up very late. Choosing where to have lunch was a chore:
"I'm hungry, what about this place"
"They do jacket potatoes and things"
"OK, what sort of food do you eat?"
"What do you eat at a burger joint if you're a vegetarian who doesn't like salad?"
"Well there isn't one here anyway"
"No, this is a small seaside town, there aren't any chains"
The guy who spent the whole date telling me I have massive hands, and then recited a (very long) poem he'd written from the perspective of a lion who's just been shot.
It was a double date. We went to a bar for a few drinks and then headed somewhere else for dinner. On the drive we got pulled over and my date got taken away to do a breathalyser. He never came back, they took him to jail! A few days later I had a VM from him saying "Hey it's me XXX, I'm the one who got the dui on our date? Anyways do you want to go out again sometime? Call me."
I arrived at the bar on a first date to find the guy sitting with two women - his ex girlfriend and her best friend. Date looked a bit embarrassed, introduced us and claimed they were all friends. Ex girlfriend kept interrupting every attempt I made to talk to the guy, telling anecdotes about them as a couple. At one point she thrust her wrist at me, with “Do you like my bracelet? Bob bought it for me.” It was pretty excruciating and I left as soon as I’d downed my drink.
He apologised for that fiasco and like a fool I gave him a second chance, and he came to my flat for a party I was throwing a week or so later. He arrived early afternoon and claimed he was a bit tired, and would I mind if he had a nap before the party. He passed out in my bedroom and was still asleep when the other guests started arriving in the evening. I couldn’t wake him.
He slept through the whole thing, despite all the noise, eventually emerging at around midnight.
I didn’t see him again.
I have lots but one memorable one was where he went into to kiss me at the end (I wasn't sure but thought meh I'll go with it) and he was licking my chin
Years ago I tendering a bid for my company, had a business lunch scheduled for about 4 people at a Michelin star place. I got there early and one of the clients as arrived early too. So we got drinks whilst we waited, unfortunately 2 of the others messages to say they couldn't make it, they had to deal with a crisis.
Anyway I offered to reschedule but client guy wanted to proceed, I mainly kept the conversation to the bid.
He spent his time grilling me about me! It felt like an interrogation, family,friends,five year plan and then the best bit...
Apparently now since our first now date was going so well, in the future I wouldn't have to worry about bids-as we could combine our companies and our lives together! He had always dreamed of a Hawaiian beach wedding and if booked soon, we could try for a Christmas Eve sunset wedding, which was only 5 weeks away!!!!
I really really wanted to laugh but he was being deadly serious(also didn't want to offend him)
It took all of my facial muscle strength to keep a straight face and explain I was engaged(a complete lie!)
He apologised, I did get the bid but we both appointed junior members of staff to finish the details.
Last I heard he was still available!
Long distance relationship for months before this. He was a photographer and was in my area for a photoshoot and staying in a local hotel. I was working during the day and asked him what the plans were for after he'd finished, he told me he that he was working with a colleague so to go home after work. I caught up with him later, after dinner. We moved on to the hotel bar. He started playing pool with his colleague. My work colleagues were at a bar down the road at an event I really should have been at but I'd cried off thanks to BF visiting, so as they were playing pool
and totally ignoring me I went to join them for half an hour to show my face. Go back to BF's hotel half an hour later and he's still playing pool. 3 hours of watching pool later he says, let's go up to his room. By this time I am bored senseless but hey! BF has got a massive ache on because I disappeared to see my colleagues and said "I didn't support his pool playing enough". Like wtf, he really expected me to fawn over the pool table saying "good shot!", he really did. Stupidly after all that shit we went to bed and had sex. I went for a wee afterwards and passed something. Putting my hand to my nethers, I pulled out the ragged remains of a condom. I went back into the bedroom and showed BF, I was so confused. He said "yeah, I pierced it, I want to get you pregnant so you're mine."
I got dressed and walked out of that room and got the morning after pill the next day.
I was 18 and just moved to London for uni so was in that super sociable phase of freshers etc
Had a retail job interview and the interviewer asked me out right there. He wasn’t my type, but I thought fuck it I want to explore London. Was supposed to be going out with my friends so messaged them to say I was going to be back late
The date was awful. I was kind of expecting to go somewhere cool but he took me to some random rundown pub. He was then like he can afford to buy the place, let alone afford anything I wanted on the menu but he was grimacing about me ordering food lol. He didn’t even order himself a drink!
I couldn’t believe how full on he was; so sex obsessed. Again, he wasn’t my type so I wasn’t into it at all. He asked to leave early and tried to tell me the way to my tube station was the same way as his house🙄 obviously I knew he was lying.
I ended up walking to the station alone in pitch black and got home at about 8pm - my friends found it hilarious that the date lasted about 20 minutes. I wasn’t even late getting back!
OP, reminds me of a tale from Eric Morcambe.
A lad rang up to speak to his daughter. His response was, “I’m sorry, we haven’t got a phone.”
One guy I met online dating. I was standing in the pub when he walked in and straight over to a similar age brunette. He thought she was me! He seemed frazzled and embarrassed, we had a quick drink and went to the restaurant as arranged for dinner. It went fine but he was talking very loudly and he forgot where the toilet was at one point despite having gone there already.
I don't know how I didn't realise how drunk he was. Something about his story didn't make sense to me (it was unclear where he lived) and my Spidey senses went up. I thought - he could be married or something. So I decided I would give him the benefit of the doubt but keep my cards close to my chest, definitely not get physical with him and not drink. For however many dates it took to get to know him.
He paid for the bill, picked up the water jug and poured water directly down his throat. It dawned on me he was demented drunk. He then began telling me how much he hates casual sex without feeling while gyrating wildly to demonstrate. I was utterly mortified. He was also declaring how crazy he was about me and listing the reasons at the top of his voice. The entire restaurant was smirking at me.
We left and my brain started spinning on how to swiftly and safely exit. He seemed bonkers. I knew my friends were in a nearby pub so I steered him that direction and conveniently they were all standing outside drinking and yelled hello and to join them. I asked one to join me at the bar and explained my dilemma. We decided some stupid plan for me to bid him goodnight with them there for moral support. when we returned, one friend was crying, another was shouting. He had been calling them jealous ugly bitches and saying he had been in prison and could snap their legs like insects. At this point I panicked, said we were leaving and goodbye. I couldn't think of what else to do and still can't. He began pleading with me to come to his hotel 'as agreed' and not let them come between us. I literally turned, ran into the pub and out the back door he wouldn't have known about. I was scared of him. They moved away and caught up with me down the road. They said he just sat down at a table and didn't know what he did next.
The following morning I woke up to hours of rambling messages all night about witches lying in the long grass poisoning me against him and loads of other mad stuff. Needless to say I ignored.
Later that day something surprising happened. I received a very nice, sane coherent message. It said he was so sorry about the night before, he was nervous and he drank whiskey before he met me then continued. He has a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol and has tried to quit but fell off the wagon. He wouldn't offend me by expecting me to give him the time of day while he's such a mess but whatever guy gets me will be a very lucky one. He then thanked me for being so kind on the date and apologised again for his behaviour. I wrote back and thanked him for the message and said I hoped things improved for him but he was correct that I didn't want a second date
Unbelievably when I read the message out to the girls they all ooohed and aaahed and said I should give him another chance as after all he was very good looking and anyone could make a mistake.
Needless to say I ignored their advice.
@Sickandscared That sounds quite traumatic. If anything like that ever happened again, ask the bar staff to get you a taxi. They are getting more education about online dating.
Second date with someone, and he came round to my house to collect me. I was getting ready, and my three cats were draped about the living room as usual.
He said (whilst miming kicking a rugby ball) "I fucking hate cats - I like to drop kick 'em."
I was polite (through gritted teeth) on the date, but that was him crossed off the list. Arsehole.
Nowhere near as bad as some of these, but mine all involve guys getting drunk... perhaps they find me difficult to deal with sober.
One man I met had either been in the bar for a while before I got there, or had preloaded at home, because he was steaming by the time I arrived. He was slurring away at me about which bands he liked - apparently, his all-time favourite was The Smiths. I asked him which of their albums he rated the most, and he sat there thinking about it for several moments before saying, very slowly and seriously, "It would definitely have to be their Best Of compilation". He sounded so exactly like Alan Partridge that I just burst out laughing. He obviously didn't get the joke but he joined in laughing anyway, I suppose through nerves/alcohol. I then had to walk him back to the bus station because he was too drunk to find it on his own and I didn't really want him to fall in the river/under a bus. And even after all that, he still made a sort of lurching attempt to hug me goodbye. And messaged me the next day to see if I wanted to meet up again.
Another time, my date turned up severely hungover (he told me this right from the outset) and sat opposite me clutching at his temples, answering most of my attempts at small-talk with pained grunts, occasionally doing little retching burps, and muttering "Oh, god. Oh, god". He sat nursing a diet coke while I had a G&T. After about 20 minutes, I said "Do you want to just go?", he said "Yeah", and that was that. I never even got an apology!
These are hilarious. Loving them.
Oh my goodness @followingonfromthat your friends give terrible dating advice!!!
Second date: going out for drinks with mutual friends, asked if he could meet me at my flat first as it was on the bus route and easier. I agreed.
We had a few drinks before leaving, he vomited all over my sofa and carpet and himself. I had to knock on the neighbours and ask if they had any old rag t shirts so he could wear a clean one to get the bus home.
While I was doing this, bless him he thought he'd be helpful and try to clean up. So he tried to hoover his sick up....which just spread the sick around even more and dirtied my hoover.
He did not make it to the drinks. There was no third date.
My friend met a very cute chap. He invited her to dinner in his place. When she arrived he told her to keep her coat on as they were going out to pick up the take away. It was pouring with rain but hey ho. They end up walking to the tube, going three stops and getting off at a pizza place. He had a coupon for that specific place. They ordered the pizza. Asking if he wanted a pop with that he said yes, but not from there. A place three doors down had it for cheeper. So, off they go in the rain. With the pizza in a cardboard box. They buy the pop. They walk back to the station. They arrive at the home station, get out and walk home in the rain. With the pizza in the cardboard box. They go in to his place which is a FULL HOUSE in a nice area and eat the cold, wet pizza. All night long he talked about money and how he hates it when women think they can order what they like and expect him to pay etc etc. I think she was in shock for ages after that.
Met v attractive, beautifully dressed man at party. Super job on the creative industries in Soho. Fiend of a friend so in my eyes they came 'pre-approved'. Did big snogs. Agreed to see each other again.
Went out for dinner where he quizzed me the entire duration about my child bearing intentions. As a 24 year old it was the last thing on my mind but he boomed'YOU NEED TO TELL ME IMMEDIATELY AS I CANNOT COUNTENANCE A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU DONT WANT CHILDREN' I said maybe someday but he bloody persisted.
Anyway being young and daft I agreed to go back to his. Standard shared house but when he got there he sat me down in the lounge and said he needed to tidy his bedroom. Anyway he was gone for so long I fell asleep and he woke me an hour later and took me upstairs.
The bedroom was a fucking tip. Not just messy but like those programmes on hoarders. You couldn't see the carpet for newspapers and detritus. God knows what it was like before he 'tidied' it. Crap piled everywhere, tissues, crisp packets, clothes, bin bags and horror of horrors a single bed, unmade with the yellow outline of his body on bobbly sheets that were once white. As it was now 2am I had no option but to stay. It was HORRIBLE.
I crept out at 5am to get the first tube. He texted later that day to say he had a lovely evening and when would he see me again. I didn't respond
You went on the date? I would have drop kicked his arse out the door, dragged him back in and kicked him out again.
I once had a workman come to my house to do some odds and ends. He looked at my guinea pigs in their run and said "oh I've got a python who would love to eat those." I replied "You've got a python? I could do with a new handbag."
One ball of spit in your tea or two? Tosser.
I was 17 - he turned up wearing a white suit and boots with heels. We went to a club. It was awful. On the way home he drove to a deserted car park, removed his jacket then started to unbutton his shirt. I asked what (the hell) he was doing and he replied that his mammy had washed his vest in a powder he was allergic to. He took off his (red nylon with white piping) vest, put his shirt back on and took me home. Don’t even start me on the goodnight kiss. First and last date
1. Guy got really drunk and fell down the pub stairs. Tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Despite the whole pub seeing it and blood pouring from his head
2. Went for dinner. He was odd. Ate dinner and got bill within 40 mins. He tried to take bill as business expense, as dating was a business obviously! Then tried to get me back to his house, forcibly. Waiter saved me
3. Guy got really handsy. Grabbed my hand and backed me into a corner for a snog. In first 10 mins
4. Great first date. Second very awkward. We went for a drive in the country and lunch. No conversation he was showing off. Couldn’t escape.
5. Argued that I intellectually deceived him. As I asked how tall he was.
6. One word answers. No conversation
7. Guy only showered once a week. Took 3 dates to figure this out. Always a musky smell around him
Got a date tonight hopefully it’s good
How did the date go @Conflicted1212 ? 🤞
Enjoyed reading these so thought I’d join in.
Went on a date to have dinner at very swanky restaurant, where I couldn’t afford the bill. He picked it and I was worried about splitting the bill and was trying to order conservatively but he wasn’t.
He went to the bar area of the restaurant, even though they would come to the table, twice and was talking to the waitress there. Second time he was ages but came back with a bottle of wine.
As he had finished eating dinner, he gets up and says he’s going to the bar. There’s half a bottle of wine on the table but I carry on eating and end up finishing my meal. (I was close to finishing). Then I look up and he’s stood talking to the waitress at the bar. So I get out my phone, start messaging friends about how awkward this is, then I look up and he’s not there. I end up waiting about 30 minutes and then a waiter comes over and asks if I’d like the bill whilst giving it to me. I see the price (think it was around £350) and he is looking really awkward. I ask if he’s seen my date, to which he answered that he’d gone off with the bar waitress and was currently with her in the alley by the pub.
I started crying, (fear of the bill rather than love lost!) and they explain I can’t leave without paying otherwise they will contact the police. Waiter is basically stood now watching me and doesn’t leave.
I phone a friend, who comes storming over the pub, and argues very loudly with the manager. The bill is forgotten and we get to leave.
Thank god for good friends!
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