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AIBU?

Wwyd - work situation

87 replies

Blackjack15 · 23/10/2019 20:24

Hoping for some genuine advice please.

I've recently returned to work after having my daughter nearly a year ago. Since returning I have reduced my days from 5 days to 4. Baby is with grandparents and nursery: all fine. Since returning to work it's become apparant that a lot of my duties have been split between new & existing team members and I have very little to do. I feel I'm being slowly pushed out and might be at risk of redundancy. My boss is a lovely lady but so busy she rarely has time to speak to me. I've tried filling my day, volunteering for extra tasks and just generally keeping myself busy. It's fair to say I get on really well with my teammates, work is relaxed, flexible hours and with the occasional opportunity to wfh. Whilst I've been on mat leave another team member has been recruited full time and given almost the exact same job title and role as me.

I have applied for another job, it's very similar to my current role and I've been offered the job. It is significantly more money than I currently earn with more potential for the future. However it's a full time 5 days a week role with no flexibility. It would mean constant rushing to collect and drop at nursery and very little time to myself. All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

So wwyd? We don't essentially need the extra income but it would be nice to not be scrimping every month.I have to decide by the end of the week. Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

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lifeyouchose · 23/10/2019 20:27

What type of role and industry is it? I only ask as will determine future flexibility with your potential role. Personally I'd go for it because in reality working FT is not that bad and when DC get older you'll have more options if you are worried about redundancy now...

JuneSpoon · 23/10/2019 20:27

So you're worried you'll be managed out of your current job anyway?

Could you allocate cleaning to a cleaner? You'll have extra cash.

Could you talk to your bosses and see where you stand?

Bonniegirlie · 23/10/2019 20:28

All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

You would have some time to yourself if your partner did their fair share. If they lived alone they'd have to do it. That's seriously selfish to expect you to do it. If you went for this other job you could get a cleaner at least. Go for it!

lifeyouchose · 23/10/2019 20:28

And PS, if you have extra money from it I would use it to outsource as much as you can to make life easier at home, cleaner, shopping delivered, babysitting so can have time out with DH, etc.

JuneSpoon · 23/10/2019 20:29

Oh and are you likely to be offered a similar role in the future if you don't accept this one or is this a once in five years chance?

Lifeisabeach09 · 23/10/2019 20:30

Find yourself a good childminder and take the job. They are often much cheaper than a nursery and if you build a good relationship with them, they'll be more likely to be flexible should you need extra/changing care.

I can appreciate your partner works long hours but he needs to step up and, also, outsource anything you can if you can afford to (cleaning.)

The reason I say take the job is for YOUR future--pension, job progression, especially as you aren't married to your partner (and so no financial protections through marriage.) You never know what the future might bring.

Kubba11 · 23/10/2019 20:32

If i could work 4 days instead of 5 id have a much better work/life balance. Unless it was a hell of a lot more money I wouldn't do it

RedskyToNight · 23/10/2019 20:33

I'd be tempted by new job as it sounds like great opportunity.
Is it really 5 days a week with no flexibility? Often when you get into those sorts of roles you find that they will consider flexible working.
If grandparents are already providing some childcare can you swap your child care arrangements around e.g you use nursery in the morning and GPs in the afternoon so you don't need to rush back for afternoon pick up in the same way.
And, yes to outsourcing as much as you can.

Blackjack15 · 23/10/2019 20:33

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated. I feel like this job is my perfect job and it's not often roles like this come along. It would give me greater earning potential in the future, I just feel a bit guilty for leaving my daughter for longer. However I am doing it for her.
Yes I agree, I would have a lot more time if my partner did more to help and I will definitely be outsourcing as much as possible if I accept the new position..

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 23/10/2019 20:34

You are entitled to a career and job satisfaction as well.

Partner will have to pull his weight with childcare, or fund a nanny or very flex childminder.

Get a cleaner and maybe even a “daily” to do laundry, ironing etc.

Keep your career and earning potential up

drankthekoolaid · 23/10/2019 20:36

Does the place you're going to have the chance to by extra annual leave?

When I went back FY I managed to buy 15 days extra leave which allows me a lot of four day weeks. It helped!

whywhywhy6 · 23/10/2019 20:39

Take the job. Your daughter will be fine. Your husband needs a serious reality check - it’s ridiculous for you to say he’s too important and busy (that’s what I read your words to actually mean) to be a functional co parent and partner. Set the standard now or you’ll be carrying the unfair and unreasonable burden of doing all the parenting and working full time forever.

But take that job. And congratulations for getting the offer.

whywhywhy6 · 23/10/2019 20:41

Oh and your partner can hire the nanny and cleaner. That’s not automatically your problem to solve.

tttigress · 23/10/2019 20:42

As previously stated use the extra cash to outsource some tasks, maybe washing, ironing and cleaning.

Also WFH is pretty standard nowadays, and actually encouraged in many cases to save money, if you new company doesn't immediately offer it, they will in the future.

Finally, maybe after a year or 2 you could bring up going 4 days a week.

JuneSpoon · 23/10/2019 20:42

If it's your dream job then go for it!
Pros- happy mum happy baby
You deserve professional enjoyment/success
More money
Future earnings
Career progression

Cons
More hours leading to:
Stress of childcare
Stress of housework. Neither one of these are your sole responsibility. Is your partner considering these things when it comes to his job ? (Rhetorical question, I'm sure the answer is no!)

NeedAnExpert · 23/10/2019 20:48

All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

Always the way on here. Can he reduce his days?

RedPoppiesAndSpots · 23/10/2019 20:52

Just make sure that any new costs for outsourcing/childcare are split with your DH - it is not down to you to pay for them alone.

OVienna · 23/10/2019 20:54

Take the job. It's not like you have to retire from this role. Your current situation sounds a bit precarious and I'd jump at the new opp.

managedmis · 23/10/2019 20:58

. All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

^^

Take the job.

I bet he didn't offer to find a job with less money in order to enable you, did he? If

Wildorchidz · 23/10/2019 21:02

Yes I agree, I would have a lot more time if my partner did more to help

Stop. Do not refer to his equal shared responsibilities as helping.He should be doing his fair share.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 23/10/2019 21:05

I wouldn't work full time with a one year old. Young kids don't give a toss how much you earn, your time is much more important.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:05

All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me

housework: get cleaner
admin: share or give to partner
cooking: share & batch cook
Cooking from scratch really doesn't have to be time consuming at all - do buy a dishwasher if you haven't got one already.

Collection and drop off: could you ask grand parents for help on occasion?

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ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:07

I bet he didn't offer to find a job with less money in order to enable you, did he?

I hate these comments, as it's so easy to magically find a lower paid job but with still enough to cover all the existing expenses.

Rosti1981 · 23/10/2019 21:11

Yep I'd say take it too.
Something similar happened to me after my first mat leave and my career has never really recovered several years on (and I haven't yet managed to be successful in applying for other jobs). It's disheartening feeling like your job doesn't really matter, you're not progressing, especially when you can see others are frantically busy. I completely get that trade off between a fulfilling job and flexibility/being part-time, but I reckon go full-time and then try to sort more flex (at least WFH sometimes, which isn't that unusual now anyway, and helps massively with energy levels if you're not having to commute every day). The longer you leave it the harder it will be to change things- and I think home roles are likely to get more entrenched too.

Definitely outsource where you can.

Congratulations and good luck!

Quartz2208 · 23/10/2019 21:16

What amazing job does he do that means he does nothing else
This is your perfect job he needs to help and support you
Outsource what you can and divide up the rest

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