To think grown women should be able to read and understand a group whatsapp thread?

[tiggertogger]

Children have all started at preschool. Some mums set up a group whatsapp and suggested a dinner. A date was agreed and one mum asked to enquire with a venue if they had availability.

She came back with saying she'd provisionally booked the restaurant and there was a choice of menus and asking people to confirm and choose which menu. 3 of us answered appropriately, 1 asked for a change in venue, 1 asked for drinks only, everyone else radio silence.

So she said today 'doesn't look like people are keen, I'll cancel' and so far is getting lots of responses 'I'll come" but no one confirming happy with venue or selecting which menu (which was the original question) and the odd responded of 'can we go here', and ' let's just do drinks' Argh, it's so frustrating. I just want to shout, ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU NITWITS but fear I'll make a bad impression. I don't know what she's going to do now as she's no further on and it doesn't seem like these women are capable of answering a simple question.

I'm not made for these groups am I? Tell me it gets better!

[Adviceorhelp]

It gets worse. Never better.

[mynameisMrG]

Lol this is why we do polls for everything on my WhatsApp mums group. A poll for a date and then a poll for the venue/cuisine. That way there is no wiggle room or negotiation, it’s tick or cross

[tiggertogger]

Maybe I should suggest a poll before I tear my hair out! What do you use for those?

[audreylivesagain]

These things never work. The person is best saying drinks on so and so date at so and so time hope everyone can make it, if not oh well.

[Preggosaurus9]

Too many options. People just want to rock up. They don't want to spend ages beforehand reading menus etc!

Just set a time and place. Let the rest happen as it may!

[mynameisMrG]

I think it’s a website link @tiggertogger, someone who is far more organised in the group than me usually sets it up

[ChoccieEClaire]

Non-committal people are so frustrating!
The only way is to pin people down, you will soon realise who the flaky ones are!
You will never please everyone.
Just suggest politely that whoever wants to go for the meal can and those that just want to go for drinks can meet up somewhere afterwards. Those that don't want to do either or go to that particular venue can hopefully go along to the next one.

[CSIblonde]

Afraid that's par for the course with organising social stuff. As PA for 20years, whenever I did team drinks/dinner/activity there were always a flaky third of them who either had to be chased, started trying to change what was agreed or backed out on the day .

[PinkFlowerFairy]

Dont choose menus in advance. Book a day and a time and ask who can come.

[Fatted]

Like others have said, set date, time and place and be done with it.

But it also sounds like not many people are actually that keen on what's been suggested. So accept there might only be a few takers on it.

[managedmis]

Sounds horrendous.

Just become a hermit instead.

[sohypnotic]

The app/website you need is Doodle - makes things much easier!

[Hederex]

It doesn't get better. I'd stay out of it for another year!

[HolidaysorBust]

I've just been added to one of these 'mum groups'. What baffles me is why dads are excluded? My DH does the majority of drop-offs and pick-ups, and the school admin, so I keep having to forward him messages. Combined with all the meet-ups when only SAHMs are free, I feel like someone has turned the clock back 50 years, but it seems they're not unusual?

[OrangeJustice]

Just become a hermit instead

[Fiveletters]

I organised the “reception mums Christmas night out” last year. It the most ridiculous thing I have ever done. Never again.

People agreeing, not agreeing, wanting to change the plan, wanting to change the date, not saying anything but then wanting to come once everything was booked, not paying the deposit ........

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Just do Doodle. Although to be honest, menus in advance is always a nightmare. Get people to confirm a venue and a date and then you're sorted, leave everything else until you are there in person.

[EmotionalEllie]

Agree that doodle is what you need for pinning people down to an option. Once a date/location has been decided you then just say "we are meeting at x at y, hope to see you then" and if people can't make it oh well that's a shame maybe next time.

She did bring it on herself a bit with the choose a menu thing. You are overestimating the decision making capability of other adults

[HemanOrSheRa]

Ah. I'm so very pleased DS is 14 .

A date, time, place, and idea of the menu (for cost) is enough.

[BananaPlant]

Menus are too complicated. Just choose a a date and place and go there.

[EdtheBear]

I think the issue with doing food is for lots that become a budget / time issue and they are committed to it once booked.

Do drinks - rock up buy your own -avoid kitties and rounds. Their is always somebody who'll take the piss with kitties and the same person will dodge their round.

[tiggertogger]

Haha well at least it's not just this group I suppose. I don't really want to take over the organising but may send the lady who made an effort to organise a pm to suggest she just forget it and tell everyone to go to a pub if they fancy! God forbid there's ever a real decision to be made 🤣

[OooErMissus]

As others have said, why menus in advance?

Clearly this is causing all the issues. Unsurprisingly.

You stipulate date, time, place. That's it.

People can either make it, or they can't.

[HemanOrSheRa]

Definitely a pub for first meet up, if possible. Otherwise there will have a SPLITTING THE BILL situation! It also makes it easier for people to pop in for a short time if they don't want to or can't commit to a whole evening for whatever reason.

[MLMsuperfan]

People who ask to change the venue are so annoying.

Having organized things in the past the only way is to pick somewhere and say come or don't.

One time (prior to working that out) we'd all chosen a local chinese restuarant, job done. But the day before I was told "so and so doens't like chinese" so I cancelled, and we went to the pub instead. But the non-chinese liker didn't actually turn up.