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To think that talking about ‘your inheritance’ when the person who you assume will leave you money is still alive is bloody disgusting?

(98 Posts)
BasinHaircut Sat 17-Aug-19 10:21:02

I hope that the benefactor lives another 30 years just to piss them off TBH.

A friends husband does this all the time. He likes to talk about money anyway and think it's an insecurity thing where he has to prove himself in a group of people. He isn’t wealthy, doesn’t own a home, no savings, but earns well, spends well and loves well.

Is counting on his wife's inheritance to set him up for life but is approaching 40 already and MIL could live another 15 years easily and isn’t exactly wealthy either, just owns her own home.

I can’t bear someone essentially waiting for someone else to die to get their grubby mitts on some cash.

thaegumathteth Sat 17-Aug-19 10:22:33

I hate this. Have a family member who does it and find it disgusting.

Sometimes though if my mum doesn’t answer the phone when I eventually get hold of her I do say ‘oh thought you were dead I’d already spent the inheritance’ ......

thaegumathteth Sat 17-Aug-19 10:23:05

Also what kind of house does she own that it’ll set him up for life? What does his wife say?

barryfromclareisfit Sat 17-Aug-19 10:23:49

It’s also disgusting to try to manipulate people by suggesting they might inherit when you die.

FudgeBrownie2019 Sat 17-Aug-19 10:24:53

I think the whole concept of inheritance is vile, to be honest. Why should it be assumed that your family will spend their life grafting to keep you healthy, happy and well then leave you their hard-earned cash? Sell up, travel and spend the lot for a lovely retirement, that way nobody can argue about inheritance.

From what I've seen in my family inheritances can bring out the absolute worst in people.

WonkoTheSane42 Sat 17-Aug-19 10:24:58

Don’t worry, by the time the MIL goes the Tories will have made her sell her house to pay for elderly care so he’ll get nothing.

Userzzzzz Sat 17-Aug-19 10:26:28

It depends on the context really. I’ve had some sensible conversations with my parents about power of attorney, wills etc. My dad has a file ready should one of them die with useful numbers, account details etc. That is just sensible planning. It shouldn’t be taboo to talk about financial (and other) planning on the event of death. Equally my in-laws often joke about spending our inheritance on holidays (which I hope they do!)

But... people being gleeful about the prospect of cash on the event of death are just crass.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Sat 17-Aug-19 10:26:56

Maybe he is joking?

BasinHaircut Sat 17-Aug-19 10:28:32

House is worth about 300k, I know this because it’s same as my old house. Will have to be split at least 2 ways as wife has a sibling. Won’t be nearly enough to set anyone up for life, not where we live where a house is £400k minimum.

Wife seems oblivious. She must be. If that was my DH talking about my parents like that I’d kick him out.

She also wouldn’t have even thought about what will happen that many years down the line but would go along with whatever her DH wanted even though any ‘inheritance’ would be hers. If/when it comes to it he’ll spunk the lot most likely.

BasinHaircut Sat 17-Aug-19 10:31:03

Definitely not joking and definitely not practical planning.

Basically it’s fast cars, nice holidays and flashy gadgets and clothes for the kids now, with the only thought for later life being ‘it’s sorted when MIL croaks it’

Lallaballala Sat 17-Aug-19 10:31:13

I completely agree with a PP. Inheritance issues in my family have totally torn siblings apart

ScreamingValenta Sat 17-Aug-19 10:32:15

It's silly to rely on it in any case - it might be swallowed up by care home fees.

31RueCambon Sat 17-Aug-19 10:32:28

Wow, that sounds delusional!

He probably feels bad that he doesn't own his own home and his 'banking' on being able to buy when his MIL finally dies, and this leaks out

Blueoasis Sat 17-Aug-19 10:35:06

My mum does this to me. Keeps saying when her and my dad go, I inherit the house. Keep telling her to shut up and stop being morbid. grin

BruceAndNosh Sat 17-Aug-19 10:35:28

Has he considered that when his MIL dies, his Ex WIFE doesn't have to give him anything?

pinkpinkblue Sat 17-Aug-19 10:35:29

My ex SIL did this constantly. I could see her wandering around my parents house counting the money coming her way one day 🤦‍♀️

BasinHaircut Sat 17-Aug-19 10:36:13

My retired parents are busy spending their hard earned cash on holidays, experiences and generally doing what they want.

My dad worked 7 days a week most of his life for me and my siblings, he owes us less than nothing. My mum also worked hard both in paid employment and caring for us. They put us all through uni, let us live at home till we could buy houses or otherwise wanted to leave.

The thought of circling them like vultures makes me feel sick. Same as my MIL, she is busy living it up after a tough old life. Good luck to her.

beelover Sat 17-Aug-19 10:36:33

Care home costs where I live are typically 1k a week, nursing homes charge even more. Wont take very long to run through any inheritance he thinks is coming his way if MIL needs any paid care in future years. He could be in for a big shock and a well deserved one too.

BasinHaircut Sat 17-Aug-19 10:39:22

bee I told him this before. He also doesn’t get on with his MIL at all so definitely wouldn’t take her in to provide care himself

IsobelRae23 Sat 17-Aug-19 10:43:38

It’s the other way with me, my dad keeps telling me about the money I’ll have from his home when he dies. I keep telling him, with the amount of health conditions he has, that are getting worse, his house will be paying for his care home. It normally shuts him up sharpish. I hate, hate, hate, people talking about ‘when’ they or a loved one will die. I feel like you are jinxing a situation.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sat 17-Aug-19 10:48:00

I’d donate the lot to a charity if I heard someone say this. So much entitlement.

deste Sat 17-Aug-19 10:51:21

Yes I hate it, friends DH who is as grippy as hell talks about his wife’s inheritance when she gets it that is. To be honest, I think the person will out live them.

Ponoka7 Sat 17-Aug-19 10:51:55

"Basically it’s fast cars, nice holidays and flashy gadgets and clothes for the kids now, with the only thought for later life being ‘it’s sorted when MIL croaks it’".

But if you know you are going to inherit enough to take care of retirement, then you don't have to plan for it and can spend a bit more at a time when you need to.

I don't like Spouses talking about their Inlaws estate, though.

My DD is borderline struggling, but she will have £10k coming within three years, so has a house deposit (where we luve is cheap, her rented house would sell for £70k).

That allows her to spend on her children and not save as much. Which is exactly what the person giving the inheritance wants.

Not everyone needs nursing care. It is upto the Testator, who they want their money to go to.

madcatladyforever Sat 17-Aug-19 10:56:58

He sounds like a knob. Not something to discuss in public or with strangers at all.
Me and my son have discussed it because he needs to know what there is and my living will.

PivotPivotPivottt Sat 17-Aug-19 10:57:07

I agree. My mum has the opposite problem, her mum is always talking about what she's going to leave her and telling her not to worry about money as in a few years time she will be rich. This really upsets my mum as she would rather have my gran around forever and she's asked her to stop mentioning it but it's every single time we visit her she makes a joke about "kicking the bucket" and making us rich.

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