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AIBU?

Problem neighour TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ

87 replies

KittenMittens1 · 10/04/2019 21:07

I think I'm really after advise and a rant tbh,

So let's start!! Argggggggh! Right, so we moved in our new house 9 months ago. Everything was fine for 3 months then everything started, there's this old lady around 80 that lives alone across the road from us. She was lovely at first spoke to my husband more than me but it was nice in general. Then all of a sudden she would shout abuse at me when I left the house saying I'm an alcholic (always the designated driver so not true) calling me every word imaginable, so I asked her a few times why and she responds with vile language and no reason. So I've called the police now 8 or 9 times on her for harrasment / antisocial behaviour. Turns out she's had 2 asbos and she's been causing issues for whoever lives in this house for over 5 years.

Police do f all, their hands are kind of tied with this one tbh as she's an old lady. Our cars have been scratched by her, she shouts abuse at our friends and family who visit.

I have for the whole 9 months been very civil, ignored her most of the time and when I do have enough tell her to get lost. Because I genuinely believe its a mental issue, the police have made her get tested for dementia and its come back she's fine.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore, it's been hell, she just doesn't care how it's affecting us, I literally get panic attacks for the thought of putting the bins out. I haven't got a day in 7 months without been verbally abused. And this past 3 weeks she's taken to opening her front door and staring at our house for about an hour!, super scary crap! We've brought cctv since the cars got scratched but police still say they can't do much.

Advise please? Anything would be appreciated.

OP posts:

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RabbityMcRabbit · 10/04/2019 21:12

Could you try contacting your local council OP, they might be able to help or point you in the right direction x

Slicedpineapple · 10/04/2019 21:18

I was about to say it sounds like she has dementia but clearly not if she has been tested. Have the police said why they can't so anything? I know an 80 year old that recently got in trouble with the police for damaging a neighbours property on purpose.

I'd also maybe see what advice the council can give you. Do you know if she rents or owns her home? Wondering if it might be housing association as they could possibly help?

Cherrysoup · 10/04/2019 21:19

If you have her on cctv damaging your vehicles, you can ask the police to press charges for criminal damage. They’ll love having it on camera, brilliant evidence. Don’t tolerate them saying there’s not much you can do, of course there is! She may, however, up her campaign if you persist in going ahead.

Did the vendors mention anything? Ours didn’t and my poor tenants have been through hell with the frankly batshit old lady next door. You could go for harassment, too and see if you can enforce a non-molstation order so you can report and action will be taken if she verbally abuses you. Please contact the police and keep contacting them, do not allow her to do this to you. Talk to other neighbours and see what has happened previously. Also, speak to the council. They will offer arbitration which you probably don’t want, but the more evidence you have of trying to resolve things, maybe the better it will look for you, I dunno, tho, happy to be corrected on that one.

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 21:22

"If you have her on cctv damaging your vehicles, you can ask the police to press charges for criminal damage."

This ^^

Bibijayne · 10/04/2019 21:24

If you can prove the damage has been done by her, push for a criminal damage prosecution.

Nanalisa60 · 10/04/2019 21:27

I think it sounds like she has mental health problems? Does she have any family that you could talk to about her behaviour?

Timewarpdancer · 10/04/2019 21:30

Keep on top of the police and say they must be able to do something. So if she physically assaulted someone then that’s ok because she’s an old lady. I don’t think so. They are just taking the easy route. And how can they make her get tested for dementia then disclose the results to you.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 10/04/2019 21:35

the police have made her get tested for dementia and its come back she's fine

That's bullshit for a start, if that's what they really told you.

Social services, every single time, and the police if its damage, every single time

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 10/04/2019 21:50

That’s shit op. Keep onto the police and social services. Get cctv and maybe dash came that sees 360.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 10/04/2019 21:53

In all honesty I would try and make her feel silly by saying “oh now dear you know that’s not very nice” in an incredibly patronising voice as if she was a naughty child. In my experience people like that hate to feel like they aren’t in control of the situation and hopefully she will hate it so much she will back off.

Pinkyyy · 10/04/2019 21:56

I wouldn't believe the police have had her tested for dementia, not for one second. It's very sad that she's probably living with severe mental issues and that you are having to be victim to them. Is her house dirty? If it looks like she can't look after herself or her home then that's a sign that you may need to call social services.

Pungifries · 10/04/2019 22:00

Sounds like mental health issues. Like another poster said, could you contact social services/ local gp if you know it? Have you seen any relatives visiting that you could speak to?

LouMumsnet · 10/04/2019 22:11

Evening everyone.

OP, just to let you know that we've had a few reports about your thread title, which contained an offensive term. We can see from your posts that you need support and advice - and that it was only the title itself that was the problem - so we're leaving the thread standing but have edited the title.

Also, just a quick reminder to everyone that we don't allow ageist posts on Mumsnet. Please do take a look at our Talk Guidelines.

Thanks all.

Dodie66 · 10/04/2019 22:17

I know you might not want to do this but how about being really nice to her? Take her a cake or a box of chocolates. Try making friends with her. It might take the wind out of her sails if you know what I mean.
Just a thought. It might be a daft idea

StoneofDestiny · 10/04/2019 22:25

The police can and do act, regardless of the persons age. An older nuisance neighbour has just been jailed. Don't take property damage, abuse and harassment - get your MP involved if necessary.

Angelf1sh · 11/04/2019 04:54

The police’s hands clearly aren’t tied if she’s had several asbos in the past, because they did that. And criminal damage is criminal damage and can be prosecuted no matter how old you are as long as you’re at least 10. The best thing you can do is keep reporting incidents to the police. They may not be able to prove the scratches were her but if you keep a log of each incident, they should be able to prove harassment.

I also think whoever told you about the dementia test wasn’t telling the truth. The police don’t have the power to make somebody get tested for dementia, nor do they have the authority to hand out private medical records to anyone who asks for them.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/04/2019 05:16

It might be some kind of mental health problem(s), or it might just be that she's a very nasty person.

If somebody is a nasty 30yo, 50 years later, they are very likely to be a nasty 80yo.

A lot of people do mellow with maturity and life experience and feeling more confident and established in who they are, but the numerical advancing in age is the only thing that's guaranteed to change.

PregnantSea · 11/04/2019 05:23

The police did not get her tested for dementia, I refuse to believe that. And even if they had do you really think they would be allowed to disclose the results of her diagnosis to her neighbours? That's ridiculous.

The police has lied to you here. It sounds to me like they don't want to have to do anything about it. Keep reporting every incident of assualt. Don't accept them fobbing you off.

Bankofenglandfiver · 11/04/2019 05:25

Police could not have made her get tested for dementia. And if they did, they wouldn’t be allowed to disclose results to a complainant neighbour.

And the original thread title was extremely ageist.

KittenMittens1 · 11/04/2019 08:27

Hi All,

sorry fell asleep last night not long after posting, so basically the police contacted social services who contacted her doctor and her son, they did a few tests and they've explained to us she hasn't got any health issues. speaking to her son too he knows whats going on and has tried warning her too. He said he was there in the tests and its true she doesn't have dementia, which i was sure it was after seeing both of my grandparents go through it.

I'm just so lost, contact housing association and they just responded with we will look into it for us and said we could look at getting her rehomed, but surely thats just going to move the situation and not deal with it.

Thanks to the PP who suggested social services! I'll contact our local SS and speak to them see what they suggest. I did manage to find the tenant who lived there before on social media and they've confirmed it got that bad with them she tried setting fire to their garden when on holiday. (Neighbour witnessed it)

Egh what to do! and in terms of the title - totally justified! shes making our lives hell!

OP posts:

Claphands · 11/04/2019 08:32

Contact your local councillor too.

OoohAyyye · 11/04/2019 08:34

Tricky. I'd probably film her every time I left my home. It might even make her stop. Have you spoken to other neighbours? Does she do it to anyone else?

KittenMittens1 · 11/04/2019 08:36

@Bankofenglandfiver - If you understood what she has put us through you would understand the original title, (trust me I was been nice in the title) she has made us terrified of leaving the house, she has chased our friends and family down the street, tried putting food (covered in rat poison) through out letter box to kill our cats. and every single time i have to go to work and get back i know that first step out of the car i'm going to get abuse i get a massive anxiety attack! so get off your judgemental horse and realise it isn't agest at all it was aimed at her. not every old person in general.

OP posts:

KittenMittens1 · 11/04/2019 08:38

@OoohAyyye we tried the filming every time i left the house but she seemed to play up for the camera even more. i genuinely think shes reached the point in her life where she just doesn't care anymore.

thanks for the advise though.

OP posts:

KittenMittens1 · 11/04/2019 08:38

@Claphands good idea, didn't even think of that! thanks

OP posts:

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