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not to give her a lift?

(113 Posts)
thefairyfellersmasterstroke Thu 04-Apr-19 21:40:19

Or am I being an unhelpful bitch?

We're talking about two teenagers here, both still living at home with parents

DS's girlfriend lives rurally with no public transport, and when they go out she usually takes her car to avoid walking home along a dark deserted country lane. DS doesn't drive.

Tonight they've gone into town and GF has left her car as she wants to have a drink. DS has asked me if I would meet them off the bus when they return, and drive GF home. I asked why her parents can't collect her, but apparently they need to sleep early because they are working tomorrow (so am I!). It would take them barely 10 minutes to do, whereas it will take me about 25.

They will be arriving back around midnight, and although I'm usually awake at this time, I don't especially want to be going out at that time of night to take her home so her parents can get their beauty sleep. But I don't have any excuse not to, I just don't want to and don't feel it's my responsibilty.

Would IBU to suggest she just gets a taxi? I know she has no money and my son would end up paying. What would you do?

Yesicancancan Sat 06-Apr-19 00:02:18

I’d do it this time, they must be twat parents if she can’t ask them to pick her up.
It’s a non issue really, the safety of kids is everyone’s responsibility what is she 17/19?? Still a babby! Have a heart.

Downunderduchess Fri 05-Apr-19 23:53:11

I would do it this time, as I would hate to think something might happen to her if she wasn't able to get home late at night. For whatever reason her parents won't pick her up, just do it for peace of mind, be the bigger person this time and let them know next time it's up to them to sort out their own transport when they go out. Can't believe her parents wouldn't want to make sure their daughter gets home safely, strange.

RoboticSealpup Fri 05-Apr-19 23:06:20

If they're old enough to drive a car, have sex and drink alcohol they're bloody well old enough to sort out their own transportation.

somuchinfo Fri 05-Apr-19 22:40:08

I would Just say the offer to stay over is there if not it will have to be a taxi as you have work in the morning. There old enough to sort there own arrangements out.

bourbonbiccy Fri 05-Apr-19 21:54:57

Sounds like you are and your husband are not keen on her or her family to be honest.

Glad you decide to take her. I would definitely do it if you were awake at that time anyway. I fully expect to be doing things like that for my DS when he's older, just as my lovely mum did for me until I was ..well probably about 30Years old, if I was out she would pick me and all my mates up, but we were extremely close, and I hope to be the same with my son.

MulticolourMophead Fri 05-Apr-19 21:25:20

I also think it's irrelevant that the gf drives around the OP's son. She is driving her own bf places and he pays for all the petrol.

I was wondering why OP's son is paying all the petrol (apparently even when he's not with GF).

lablablab Fri 05-Apr-19 21:13:20

Nope. Once I'm in, I'm in. I'd hate going out at midnight in the cold if I've been in all evening and settled.

She can stay, get a taxi or ask her own parents.

Say sorry but you're very tired tonight so you're going to bed early.

nelsonmuntzslingshot Fri 05-Apr-19 21:09:29

Why can’t your son walk her home and then walk back home? When I was a teenager my boyfriend walked me home from the pub and then walked 4 miles across the town back to his own house.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Fri 05-Apr-19 21:03:49

I also think it's irrelevant that the gf drives around the OP's son. She is driving her own bf places and he pays for all the petrol. She's hardly doing the OP any favours.
And I wouldn't like someone who looked disdainfully me while still expecting favours.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Fri 05-Apr-19 21:00:45

My dad and his gf share a single bed when she stays over. It's not ideal but they seem to manage fine. I spent years as a student sleeping in a single with my boyfriend. Until kids move out of their parents houses they have to put up with the space available!
Her dad sounds like a total dick. Unfortunately when your kid dates someone with crap parents, you do end up doing more of the ferrying around.

I think you are right to do this as a one off favour for your son, but I'd have words about this not being your responsibility and in future she has a choice to stay or get a taxi home.

HerRoyalNotness Fri 05-Apr-19 18:28:11

It sounds like she is responsible and doing most of the driving, I’d do it, it’s not as if she’s asking every week

Pk37 Fri 05-Apr-19 18:23:16

It’s clear you don’t like her and if she’s always driving your ds around one favour from you is not going to kill you is it .
I don’t think she is the problem, I think you are .
Not surprised she doesn’t want to stay when you quite clearly despise her

Yougotdis Fri 05-Apr-19 18:16:42

If they’ve gone out and didn’t ask before then I’d be inclined to say no. It’s one thing arranging a lift in advance but this is just expecting it. She has options. She could get a taxi. She could walk to yours and stay there. Just reply and say I’m sorry I’ve had a drink can’t drive you should have asked sooner but she’s welcome to stay here.

Holidayshopping Fri 05-Apr-19 18:11:19

How many foreign holidays have they had?! She doesn’t sound that skint!

ChristmasFluff Fri 05-Apr-19 17:32:59

What does it matter if OP doesn't particularly like this girlfriend, when she is still doing this ferrying around that the gf's own parents won't do??

And for people who have never slept in a single bed with a partner - you have really missed out on pure unadulterated teenage love. I cherish those single-bed nights. And still did them right into my 40s.

OP, apparently they are 19? They need to sort out their own stuff. Glad you are speaking to them tomorrow.

FrancisCrawford Fri 05-Apr-19 10:48:39

because a single, young female out at night is potentially vulnerable

Which is why everyone (young and old, male and female) should always make secure plans for getting home after a night out drinking.

not relying on a third party to run them around. She is 19, and should be taking personal responsibility, not getting chauffeured around by her BFs mum who has to work the next day. That’s pretty much the definition of entitled.

If she can’t afford a taxi, she can’t afford to go out drinking. It’s as simple as that.

pinkyredrose Fri 05-Apr-19 10:38:23

Off topic but how many holidays do they have!

BarrenFieldofFucks Fri 05-Apr-19 10:26:41

Her parents should get her.

GabsAlot Fri 05-Apr-19 10:24:01

why dont people read op posts

shes picked them up five times from their holiday-her df picked up his dd then left ops son to make his own way

they dont do their fair share her driving him is irrelevant if he pays all the petriol all the time

Friedspamfritters Fri 05-Apr-19 09:00:11

I don't see why DS can't pay for a taxi since she's always ferrying him about. Sounds a bit like you don't like her.

beenhereages1 Fri 05-Apr-19 08:50:51

I know this was last night so has now happened, but make sure you have a chat with DS about it not being a regular thing.

I'm the mum who does an awful lot more for DS's mates. I'm a soft touch and I like doing things for them all but I do get a little taken advantage of.

Mememeplease Fri 05-Apr-19 08:29:04

Tbh it does rankle when you end up being the default lift giver with their friends or partners, but I do it for my children's sake, not for the friend particularly.

I'd make it clear that in future you are not keen at that time of night when there is a sofa available. Then it's up to them to choose. Sofa or taxi etc. You've given them a safe, cheap option.

Holidayshopping Fri 05-Apr-19 07:09:06

I wouldn’t do it but I would have said no when they asked. Honestly-sounds like her and her dad are horrid!

Barbarafromblackpool Fri 05-Apr-19 07:04:57

At uni, everyone squashed into single beds!

Springwalk Fri 05-Apr-19 06:40:31

I would offer for her to sleep over (like or not) but say you can't give her a lift due to work commitments. They can either arrange a taxi for her or her parents can collect her if she is unwilling to stay.

Why don't you like her? Do you feel she judges your home?

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