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To think about getting married 4 weeks after baby's due date?

(96 Posts)
NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 17:31:26

Me and Dp saw the perfect wedding venue and we were planning on getting married next year autumn/winter time. We're unexpectedly expecting Dc two now. The venue we love emailed some dates at a reduced rate for a smallish intimate wedding and the only one we could potentially do is four weeks after baby is due.
With another baby and me reducing hours at work etc, we've talked about bringing the wedding date forward and it was quite a bit cheaper so I emailed to say we'd have that date and paid a deposit.

Now I'm thinking what the hell have I done. I'm going to look an absolute mess aren't I? And I won't be able to properly enjoy it.
Dp is keen to keep the date and thinks we'll be fine, it's only immediate family and close friends we'll be inviting and he thinks we can just do a big party for everyone else a bit later when I'm ready for it.

I'm so unsure, on the positive it's much cheaper, we'll only have close family and friends and we can't invite more so that solves the who shall/should we invite. We'll be married and considering I'll be on mat leave (again) and reducing hours at work when I'm due back, it's a bit more protection for me.
But what would I wear that I can still breastfeed a new born in? And will I actually feel up to it?
Ds is only 6 months now and I was lucky and pretty quick to recover with him and back in my pre pregnancy clothes pretty soon, but a second so quickly I'm thinking it might not be as easy this time. Plus there's the chance baby could be late so only a few weeks old, although Ds was two weeks early.

I'm really not sure what to do. Dp's now set on that date but I'm worried I'll end up feeling like I've missed out and wishing we'd waited.

Greenlegobox Thu 04-Apr-19 17:33:57

I had stitches that gave me grief and I was still waddling like a duck at 4 weeks and having trouble sitting down. This was with a first baby though so you might be fine.

Friedspamfritters Thu 04-Apr-19 17:35:02

Unless it's just a registry office with 10 guests I couldn't be bothered personally. You could be 2 weeks post partum having had a c-section. You'll definitely be exhausted might still be establishing breastfeeding, baby with colic.

I know someone will say they got married 2 days after giving birth to triplets and they did all the catering themselves for 200 guests and single handedly out up the marquee but I was still be at home trying to sleep at every moment 4 weeks after dc2's due date.

tomhazard Thu 04-Apr-19 17:35:33

Oh god I'm usually quite relaxed but I wouldn't do this. What if your baby is late and only 2 weeks old? What if you have a c section scar or a tear requiring stitches - you'll be uncomfortable. You will also be bleeding still. I would look at either getting married when you're still pregnant or leaving it till baby is 3-4 months.

MachinicianMagician Thu 04-Apr-19 17:37:19

I couldn't personally do it - my own wedding was stressful in the month leading up to it. However with the right family support it could be pleasant and manageable. Perhaps see if you can get family and friends to help with the childcare and entertaining throughout the day, and maybe consider alternative arrangements for if you feel ill/tired etc (maybe have a just-for-guests after party but leave early, for example). Hopefully you'll have an 'easy' labour and will be well healed by then! Sending you best wishes!

BendingSpoons Thu 04-Apr-19 17:39:03

Hmm it is quite early and could be difficult depending on the birth. However my DC2 is currently 6 weeks and I have found it much easier second time. I was back to normal life much quicker. I am not however back into normal clothes 😁 I would go with a dress with a high waist and loose over your stomach, possibly with a bit of a crossover front that means you can feed with a wrap for some cover. Do have a think though, and decide if you really are happy to go ahead.

mclaleli Thu 04-Apr-19 17:39:39

The venue we love emailed some dates at a reduced rate for a smallish intimate wedding

This is the reason you should not do it. If you want to get married 4 weeks after due date it has to be because you chose it, not because the venue are trying to shift functions on their free weekends.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Thu 04-Apr-19 17:42:05

If you’re only bothered about the getting married part then do it.

But it sounds like you want a wedding, even if small, with dress and drink and party. In which case no don’t.

Maxineputyourredshoeson Thu 04-Apr-19 17:44:04

I was a guest at a wedding when dd2 was 4wks old and that was bad enough. She was very well behaved it was the whole getting all 4 of us ready - DH was an usher dd1 a flower girl. The sleep deprivation was in full swing and we left around 6.30, missing the whole evening reception. On the day I didn’t think I looked too bad but looking back at pictures I look absolutely shattered and the massive cold sore I had didn’t help.

My own wedding was small - 23 including us and dd1 and we didn’t have an evening reception, everyone was gone by 8pm. I honestly wouldn’t have enjoyed my day if I had felt like I did at the above wedding.

Good luck flowers

Bambamber Thu 04-Apr-19 17:44:46

I think your mad. Is it just a ceremony you're having on the day or are you having a reception as well

OriginalGeordie Thu 04-Apr-19 17:45:16

Realistically your baby could be anything from 8 to 2 weeks old. Do you have lots of people on hand who could help and support you with both baby and toddler?

I would probably be of the mindset to go ahead and hope for the best.

Purpleartichoke Thu 04-Apr-19 17:48:07

Possibly with a healing tear or incision. Still bleeding. Breast size unpredictable day to day. Having a tiny baby who might be easy or who might scream every time you set her down, maybe needs to eat every hour, etc.

I would do a bare bones civil ceremony to make it legal, but I would not have a wedding with guests no matter how small.

MrsPlesWearsAFez Thu 04-Apr-19 17:53:07

With a potential two-week-old, plus a ~12mth old (ish - how old is dc1?) I'd only be going ahead with this if I had a lot of support.

Would you be happy to continue if dc2 wants breastfeeding mid-ceremony?

I would have to be saving a substantial amount of money to even consider this. And whilst your partner can obviously contribute an opinion, it's not him who has to go through childbirth and recovery etc, so I'd say that it was ultimately your decision to make.

eurochick Thu 04-Apr-19 17:54:20

You could be two weeks post section and bleeding like a stuck pig. I really wouldn't.

Hollowvictory Thu 04-Apr-19 17:58:14

I was still in hospital 4 weeks after I gave birth!
Why not do it when you can enjoy it rather than be glued to a newborn.

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 17:58:30

I do want a wedding and not just the ceremony and love this place, but realistically we won't be able to afford the wedding we were planning for next year now we're having another baby. So I saw this and jumped at the chance to get married there (silly I know). We went away when Ds was 3 weeks old so I was basing it on that and thought oh I'll be fine.
Now I'm thinking oh shit what if I'm not fine.

We would be having our parents, grandparents and close friends only. So lots of people to help with Ds and the baby. Would be the ceremony, followed by drinks/afternoon tea and then dinner a bit later. So we'd have time in between to go rest/feed baby etc.
I'm not worried about organising it or anything, just how I'll feel on the day and what on earth I'd wear.

3in4years Thu 04-Apr-19 18:00:02

No don't. Too many variables. I was invited to a wedding 4 weeks after the birth of my third child but couldn't go.
Dc1 - could have done it (still bleeding though)
Dc2 - also fine
Dc3 - weeks 1-2 recovery from bad tear. Week 3 water infection. Weeks 4-6 sore nipples from feeding. Week 8 Dc1+2 had a d+v virus. Would've been fine from week 9!

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 18:03:04

Yep, Ds will be just over one! Although if we wait till we planned Ds will be just two and this baby just turning one and I'm not sure that's going to make for a lovely relaxing wedding.
Guess that's why it's advisable to get married before babies. 😂

Dp just wants to do it, he's not fussed where/when particularly, just sooner rather than later. I'm driving him a bit crazy as I'm changing my mind about what I want constantly.

RoboticSealpup Thu 04-Apr-19 18:04:08

No way in hell. You don't know what things are going to be like at that point and your wedding day rings the risk of being ruined.

At that point, I was still wearing massive probably smelly maternity pads and couldn't walk, sit or go to the loo easily due to stitches that didn't heal properly. DD was a very erratic/constant feeder with reflux who posseted after every feed and only ever slept in 20-minute bursts. All my clothes were covered in baby sick, I looked like a hollow-eyed zombie, had constant headaches and felt like I was wading through a grey fog.

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 18:06:43

I'm leaning to not @3in4years. But then Dp says there will always be variables. He was supposed to be a page boy agreed 4 for his uncle and he got chickenpox two days before. His dad got married with a pot on as he'd broken his leg (on the stag do).

I think especially with the babies having a uneventful wedding just isn't going to happen. I just can't quite decide what to do about it though.

Lost5stone Thu 04-Apr-19 18:11:11

I read it as 4 week before baby is due and thought manageable. 4 weeks after, I wouldn't! Am I reading it correctly that you'll have 2 close together? I was under the impression that it's a lot harder to recover when you've had 2 births close together, this could be bullshit though!

I think going away is quite different to your own wedding, its stressful, you'll feel under pressure to look good and have a good time etc. I would seriously reconsider.

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 18:14:59

Yep just over a year @Lost5stone. When I saw it I was thinking of Ds and his birth was fine, no stitches bleeding stopped or pretty much quite quickly. He fed and slept well, no pain or real discomfort with breastfeeding.
And I've been stressing over when/where we do it and thought great it will be fine.
Then I've thought exactly what you posted that they say a second close can be harder to get over.

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 04-Apr-19 18:17:37

I think Dp is going to kill me (obviously not actually) This is now the third wedding I've booked and changed my mind on! I think he may well solve the wedding dilemma for me by just saying he's not marrying me at all.

Nnnnnineteen Thu 04-Apr-19 18:17:40

I was still weeping in my dressing gown after 4 weeks and dd screamed for about 23 hours a day. I was ready to kill my then dh, certainly not marry him.

Bambamber Thu 04-Apr-19 18:18:52

It's easy enough for your partner to say just go ahead and do it, but he's not the one that will be recovering from giving birth!

I mean don't get me wrong, with any luck you will have a lovely labour and delivery, recovery very fast, have a healthy baby who sleeps well. But how will you even go dress shopping? You may snap straight back into pre pregnancy shape, or you may still look pregnant

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