She's 16 and in Year 11. She has never been in the "popular" group at school, but she's always coped perfectly fine. She was very alone at the start of Year 7 as we had moved house just at the beginning away from all her of her friends, but by the time she was halfway through Year 7 her and a few of the other "oddballs" (hate calling them that but the group used to describe themselves as such things with pride!) had formed a group. There were about 7 of them and they were really solid. Beginning of Year 10 she even got a BF who was part of their group. Things were great for a few months, she was always out with friends and had a great social life etc. But halfway through Year 10 a friend in the group decided she liked DD's boyfriend and made the rest of the year hell for DD. This girl was a lot more gobby than DD and did all sorts to try and split them up, telling BF she'd seen DD with another boy and the like. Thankfully her BF was an absolutely lovely lad and told this girl where to go. This however resulted in the couple being ostracised from the rest of the group as the other girl managed to get them all on side.
It was a shame but DD didn't seem too phased. Her and her BF stuck together. I tried to encourage her to make other friends so that she wasn't relying on BF too much, saying that she needed other people to spend time with if BF finished with her. She kicked off at me for suggesting that, being 15 she was of the opinion that her and her BF were unbreakable. At the end of Year 10 the BF's mum decided to move in with her long term partner who lived on the other side of our city (very big city, so it was still 35 miles away). DD was understandably devastated, as was her BF at the time. They agreed still to be in a relationship and spend weekends with each other. Planning more days in the week once Year 11 was out of the way. So off he went. DD didn't see anybody except him over the Summer hols. Started Year 11 absolutley miserable with no friends and was starting to get very depressed.
Then in January she confided in me that BF had been getting distant. She told me she'd say she had missed him and he'd only respond "Aw :(". Also he had somehow managed to get into the popular group at his new school and suddenly had a very active social life and less time for her. There were plenty of girls he was hanging around with. 1 week after we spoke about it he text her saying "I don't think this relationship is sustainable anymore. The distance is too awkward." DD begged him to stay with her but he unfollowed her on everything. The next day she saw he'd changed his relationship status to say he was now with a girl he'd be hanging around with. DD was in absolute bits, and ended up taking an overdose.
She spent 2 weeks in hospital and then a further 6 weeks out of school on mental health grounds as she had been threatening to hang herself among other things. Her ex BF is aware of this and has made no effort to get in contact. She has only very recently gone back and has been the talk of the school. Rumours going around that she is pregnant, a drug addict etc. Jealous ex friend has been having a field day with it all and has been giving DD hell day to day. Today has been the last straw. She's come home bloody distraught because she had spent lunchtime in the toilet to avoid people and some girl made up a rumour that she was in there for the hour performing an abortion on herself ffs. We were asked to go into the school at 6pm later on today for a meeting expecting it to be about this. Nope, they brought us in to tell us they would not be letting DD sit her GCSE'S as she has missed too much and they think she should be focusing on her mental health.
DD been in bits all evening. She keeps seeing pictures of her BF and his new GF on social media (told her to stop stalking him but she does it anyway), she's being harassed and threatened by peers, she just in the past couple of days found out her absolute arse of a father who doesn't bother with her has had a new baby with someone she knows nothing about (not getting in to that, a whole other thread!), and now she's been told she can't do her GCSE'S which means she won't be able to get onto the college course she's been so looking forward to. The thought of going to college and meeting new people had been saving her. I tried to tell school that I believe taking her GCSE's will benefit her and DD tried to tell them as well, but they wouldn't have it.
I am dreading the rest of Year 11. I don't know if I should send her back to school or not. What's the point? If the bastards aren't going to let her take her exams then why should she go? If she had friends who she wanted to go in and see then it would be different but she doesn't. And now I'm also left not knowing what to do with her once Year 11 finishes. She really does need to go to college. She wants to go. Is it possible for her to start in September as would everybody else her age despite having no GCSE's? Or does she have to get them first? I don't want her to have to start college a year late and I certainly can't afford for her to be doing GCSE'S privately!
And exams aside, it's also meant to be a really exciting time over the next few months for people her age. She should be excited about getting GCSE results with friends...the end of Year 11 prom...the endless fun and exciting plans that Year 11 like to make for the holidays once they've finished school...looking forward to college...considering part time jobs...all the other Year 11's I know are going to music festivals with friends in the Summer to celebrate GCSE's ending...all of this has been ripped away from DD and we are left facing months of isolation, loneliness, worry about her future, uncertainty, and she has to watch everybody else have fun while she's dealing with it. It's breaking my heart. I have £1500 tucked away in inheritance I got after a relative died which I planned to give DD when she turned 18. However I'm considering booking us a mother/daughter trip to New York for a week with the money. I'll probably plan it around the time prom would be. She's always wanted to go to New York and I just want to give her something to look forward to. Should I, or is it impulsive?
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AIBU?
So worried about DD, what can I do to help her? And AIBU to think school is wrong?
97 replies
OldhamAndCheese · 23/03/2019 00:16
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