Too crass to talk about money for wedding?

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

It's about time we started planning our wedding. I have no idea where to start.

I don't really want a wedding wedding, but the more I look into everything the more weddingy it becomes.

Anyway if talking money isn't too crass can I ask opinions on what cost we should be looking at for 50 day guests (canapés/welcome drink/3 course meal/evening snack etc) and then another 30 guests for the evening do (welcome drink/evening snack/cheese board)

Booze wise we want to cover wine for the table and corkage for craft ales and Prosecco.

Small wedding party.

Also, the venue we like requires exclusivity - so we book out all bedrooms and then guests pay for their room and money comes off the total bill for us. We have been to several weddings when this has been the case and have been happy to pay for room as would have wanted to stay over, however now the shoe is ok the other foot I feel cheeky assuming our guests will effectively get the total spend down for us.

Any thoughts welcome!

[ThePants999]

That's a very weddingy wedding for someone who doesn't want a weddingy wedding, and will cost accordingly!!

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

@ThePants999 I know! It just feels easier, but oh so weddingy!

[Bambamber]

Totally depends on your venue. Bog standard venue is going to differ greatly from a fancy stately home in beautiful grounds.

[Shitonthebloodything]

A wedding can cost £50 or £50k it will all depend on your venue/day of the week/time of year etc

I'd guess you'd be look at £8-10k for what you want but that would be a guess

[hidinginthenightgarden]

It depends on your venue really. When I got married 5 years ago we had very similarr to what you just described. In July too so peak wedding time... It cost us around 9k. My friend is getting married next year, march so not quite peak wedding time and his venure alone is costing 14k!

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

Venue is small hotel, naice but nowhere near the stately home category.

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

@Shitonthebloodything A Friday in school holidays is our ideal.

The venue seems to be priced quite favourably as the cost of the hotel rooms come off it (that we are hoping guests will pay as they may want to stay over anyway) but I do feel a little uncomfortable with that plan.

[TapasForTwo]

The bit about the rooms is the tricky part. There are loads of threads on here about booking an entire hotel out and charging inflated prices for the rooms so that the bride and groom can get a discount. They never go well for the bride and groom.

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

@TapasForTwo I shall have a look at threads, thanks.

We definitely won't inflate price, happy to cover some of the room cost.

Rough guide:
Normal rate for room: £150
Guest rate: £110
25 rooms in hotel, we obviously pay for our room, DC and wedding party.
So £110 x 15 or so would come off bill...we'd be paying up front anyway so I guess any money that comes off is a bonus if we aren't relying on it...

I still feel rude though! But know a lot of friends would want to stay over to enjoy late bar and breakfast the next morning.

[QuietlyQuaffing]

Re the room booking, don't think of it that the guests are subsidising the wedding. You're paying for the wedding plus you are covering the cost of any rooms that are not taken up by guests.

As long as you don't pressure or guilt trip guests into taking up the rooms, and ideally there's a decent discount on the usual price, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I think it's awful to hassle guests into booking the rooms but there is no need for guests to know who's paying for any unbooked rooms. Just offer them the discounted rate and leave it there.

[Hunter037]

We had 60 day guests and a further 40 evening guests. The cost of the venue package (catering, staff, entertainment, welcome drinks) was £3500 and the rest around £2000.

If you want to do it on a budget its totally do-able but you'll have to compromise on some things (e.g. second hand or hugh street dress) DIY (flowers and centrepieces, invites) or call in favours (know a decent baker?)

[Merryoldgoat]

This is how I worked out my budget - we worked out how much we could afford to save per month, the number of months until we wanted to get married and that was the budget.

Then work out your priorities - we wanted to provide all booze so we compromised on the reception venue. Other people will make a different choice.

Our budget was initially £6k which was for everything and dinner was for a served buffet for 80. DGM gave us £2k as a gift as she thought a sit down would be nicer but the buffet would’ve been fine.

You can do a lot with a little if you’re creative - I made my invitations and did my own flowers. It saved a fortune.

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

Thank you so much everyone for your advice.

I had £10,000 as a doable spend idea.

It's such a lot of money, we've toyed with the idea of going abroad/having family only/registry office/DIY type but we keep coming back to a wedding wedding.

[GuineaPiglet345]

When we looked at similar it was around £120 per head for food. We decided that was too expensive and went for a cheaper venue at £50 per head

[SpiritedLondon]

Why don’t you check out a website called “ “offbeat bride” - it’s an American site but features unconventional weddings which might give you a different perspective on how to do things differently.

[Grace212]

that's a very weddingy wedding indeed.

and sounds like a long day.

is it what you want or are you getting carried away with the current "normal" for weddings?

[April241]

Our wedding was at the venue all day. We had 82 total including us two, 7 of them were kids. We didn't have additional evening guests. Adults were £65pp and we paid an extra £5pp for a meal choice rather than a standard set meal. Price included post ceremony drinks, drinks on the table and a drink to toast, also included our canapés (x3 choices) and our evening buffet (x3 choices of rolls) plus our room decor and lighting.

After we added on everything else we wanted we were around £12,000.

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

I went abroad, had an informal but nice and catered party when we got back for those who couldn't travel, also had to do registry office before we went to make it legal. It cost 18k without holiday spends, it's not really always a cheap option! Your budget sounds fine

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

@GuineaPiglet345 When I read your £120 I thought that was a lot and nowhere near my forecasted spend but when I add the drinks, canapés, sit down meal, evening snack etc we are probably looking at £90 or so per day guest head.

@SpiritedLondon thanks, DC at school tomorrow so will check it out.

@Grace212 I know, that's my issue, I don't know, I dislike the idea of spending so much for one day but would love to treat friends and family. Hopefully wouldn't be too long a day, ceremony at 3pm, all wrapped up by midnight.

@April241 Thank you! Your day sounds similar to the one we are planning, would you have changed anything looking back?

@ZippyBungleandGeorge Thanks, I always assumed abroad would be less costly but I think we are best to stay UK based. Some guests wouldn't be able to join if it meant a flight!

[NannyRed]

Either go to a registrars office, say the words, sign the paperwork and be married ...
Or.....
Have a weddings wedding at a hotel with welcome drinks etc. For this option I suggest shopping around. We paid £7.5k for drinks, three course dinner for 40 and a disco, evening buffet for 150.

We did have exclusivity, but that was by chance. The hotel we married at could have had up to 4 weddings.

It cost £200 for the registrar to be at our hotel (5 years ago) so she could actually marry us.

[YetAnotherThing]

Agree with PP that if you simply say to guests that there are some discounted rooms at the hotel for £110/night and leave it there (without any pressure that you’re being let down or need those rooms covered), am sure people will rush to stay there to avoid taxi faffage etc

[April241]

Wouldn't haven't changed a thing, our day flowed really well, we had lots of food and drinks in between gaps and our photographer was quick so we had lots of time with our guests. We married in the same room as dinner and then the evening part so the venue staff had to turn it around but they done it quickly and because we had filled the gaps with food and entertainment our guests enjoyed themselves.

[April241]

Also we only got married 6 weeks ago, feel free to PM me if you're looking for someone to bounce ideas off!

[MeteorGarden92]

Hmm I’d be prepared for some backlash OP, MN tends to think everyone should get married in a ditch by the M1 wearing a four year old tracksuit and carrying a bouquet of nettles 🙄😒

In reality I think your wedding sounds lovely. I would be cautious about the room situation as I’ve known several couples who thought people would want to stay over but then found that for £120-£150 a night, people would rather taxi to the local premier inn/travel lodge 😂 so the couples were stuck with high costs and empty rooms!

£10,000 is a lot of money if you’re not completely in love with the venue (sounds like you think it’s distinctly middle ground) so maybe consider finding somewhere you really really want!

I get married in 12 weeks and after ‘not really wanting a wedding wedding’ we’re now having 80 of our nearest and dearest in a local stately home! So I do fully understand how things escalate! However, DP and I LOVE the wedding we have planned and haven’t got into any debt at all to do it, so I don’t see how it’s anybody else’s business 😂😊

[TapasForTwo]

"I would be cautious about the room situation as I’ve known several couples who thought people would want to stay over but then found that for £120-£150 a night, people would rather taxi to the local premier inn/travel lodge 😂 so the couples were stuck with high costs and empty rooms"

This ^^ is what I was trying to say, but MeteorGarden92 has put it better than I did.