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Would my baby be considered Mixed?

(132 Posts)
CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:54

I am mixed race, my husband is 100% white. Our baby would therefore be 75% white.

I think if I'm mixed, my child would obviously be mixed too. My husband disagrees. He thinks that our baby should just be classed as white (on forms etc).

Our baby most likely won't look particularly non white, some people don't always realise that I am mixed. But I am, and somehow it feels wrong to just write that part of me off?

It got a bit heated when we were discussing it again earlier, and I thought some outside opinions would help!

sugarbum Tue 12-Mar-19 11:35:38

Well they are mixed. You can call it dual heritage if you want to. I mean technically, we are all mixed aren't we, when we drill down far enough, but in this instance is slightly more clear cut.
I'm mixed (50/50) and my 'white' ancestry is Scottish, although not since the late 1900s. My husband is white and his ancestry is also Scottish.

We are English. We were raised in England. Our kids are English. Our culture is English. But I'd still say they are 25% Thai. You can't tell by looking at them. We have no Thai identity (as I wasn't raised by my Thai parent) but its undeniably there. And if they want to claim it as theirs, they have every right to do so. Actually DS2 is best friends with a child who is also 1/4 Thai. You can't tell from looking at her either. But she is. Its a fact.

HelloMonday Tue 12-Mar-19 11:34:40

I'm mixed.

I think your kids are mixed, but will look just white and prob identify as white.

Im 25% A, 25% B, 50% C.
I know my heritage proudly. I just consider my parent as white, even tho they're half. I'd not use 'A' as an identifier, even tho I'm as much 'A' as I am white, I just don't have that cultural link.
So hopefully you can share your chinese culture with your children.

Do you consider Mariah Carey as mixed or white? @OP
Barack Obamas kids, would you identify them as black or mixed? They're 25% white.
Tiger woods kids are 25% chinese, I'd consider them mixed because of their black heritage they look mixed. Rather than because of their chinese side.
Shirley Ballass, head judge on strictly, has black ancestors, I'd not consider her as mixed, at all.

At the end if the day, our similarities outweigh our differences. Xx

AmIRightOrAMeringue Tue 12-Mar-19 11:13:46

Nowhere does it say that mixed race has to be 50 50!

I'd say a quarter is too big to ignore. It may affect health etc. When doctors ask for things like 'is there a family history of x' I think they're asking grandparents as well as parents. Maybe after that you can argue it wouldn't count but I would think a quarter does. Also your daughter will clearly know one of your parents isn't white - it's her living relative and she may be interested. For great grandparents it wouldn't be a relevant as wouldn't have a direct relationship with the child

Why is he so against it? It's to ensure discrimination doesn't happen and to collect stats around different health conditions for different races, not so they can put a label on someone or treat them differently.

sansou Tue 12-Mar-19 11:07:50

My SIL is a quarter Chinese and you would never guess since she’s a blonde. Her dad is half Swiss German and Chinese and looks rather Celtic like her sibling as opposed to mixed race.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 12-Mar-19 11:01:59

Does mixed heritage specifically pertain to white British and black? What about white British and another white background? Say Canadian where’s most family hx are British or French heritage?

This is why 'mixed' isnt used anymore, "dual heritage" is preferred because it covers eg Ghana/Nigeria - the heritage that is mixed not the preception of ethnicity.

Missingstreetlife Tue 12-Mar-19 10:56:21

Your oh needs to know that your grandchild could be as dark or darker than your darkest relative, have hair or features inherited from way back. Same risk of sickle cell, or thallasemia if Mediterranean, etc.
Meghan markles dad gave good advice, make your own box, but your dc are mixed ethnicity/heritage. We are all human race.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 12-Mar-19 10:55:23

Ethnicity has no legal standing, it is what a person chooses to call them selves.

eg Someone whos GG grand pappy left Dublin 150 years ago refers to themselves as American Irish eg 3.135% actual Irish blood , whilst ignoring the other 96.875% is a wonderful mix of English, Scottish, German, Dutch, Polish, Native American , Hungarian, Italian and Spanish.

Ethnicity is usually driven by the dominant parent, the one whose family customs you largely follow. Eg I have a (black) G/grandparent from Sierra Leone , a Norwegian G/grandparent and a German G/grandparent. I am white English. No one would think other wise. unless Im in the deep south of the USA and they can spot the one drop from 50 paces I do not identify as Black, Sierra Leonean, German, Norwegian, Scots or anything else in the mix.

Your child will choose her own path.

Stuckforthefourthtime Tue 12-Mar-19 10:42:56

I would say your child is white if it looks white and is 75% white

Not necessarily. Two of my DCs could pass for Italian or other southern European - but at home we live in a more 'foreign' way, with non British food and in many ways culture. They have experienced the prejudice sometimes shown to their mixed race parents (not least the number of times people assume I'm their nanny!). Do they have to count themselves as white but their brothers get to be mixed?

I do think this kind of question is better addressed to a forum that isn't as overwhelmingly white as Mumsnet.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Tue 12-Mar-19 10:40:29

And I say this as someone who is a quarter black. I look completely white.I would never tick mixed because I'm not.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Tue 12-Mar-19 10:32:40

I would say your child is white if it looks white and is 75% white.

OffToBedhampton Tue 12-Mar-19 10:25:55

OP, I think you can choose what to identify baby as.

My DC are mixed race. Their Dad (XH) is mixed race none of which is White British and he is obviously African & Black European. He and his family identify as White British due to their experiences and his as a full boarder in UK private school aged 7 years onwards who disowned his visits home to Africa once a year to see his parents. He insisted his DC were White British (as I am).

I only changed them to Mixed race after we divorced when DC were young, to recognise their cultural heritage - I'd gotten a lot of "their dad isn't English, is he?" and also "but two look white, except DD2" despite their darker skin, and middle DDs typical mixed race relaxed afro which requires different care.

They are simply mixed race and I didn't feel it fair on them to let them be whitewashed (after xdgf & xdf died as waited til then out of respect of their emotive experiences)

DC choose now. One sometimes says he's White British after he's seen his (fairly absent) Dad (who insists all his DC are White British) but the other two celebrate being Mixed race and their cultural heritage. It's particularly important to DD2. I guess they feel safer than their Dad did growing up, to recognise their mixed ethnicity.

Busybusybust Tue 12-Mar-19 09:30:37

Does it matter?

cucumbergin Tue 12-Mar-19 09:27:16

biscuit for SoloD

SoloD Tue 12-Mar-19 08:46:27

If asked the race, just say human. we are after all part of the human race.

Mixed race, well that would be things like centaurs or mermaids

lisasimpsonssaxophone Tue 12-Mar-19 08:35:12

This is interesting. I’m as white-British as they come (at least as far as I know) but my partner is a quarter Asian just like your baby. However, his family didn’t actually know this until he was an adult. He ‘looks’ white, he grew up thinking of himself as white rather than mixed, and today I think he still just says that he’s white unless he gets into a deeper conversation about it when he might then mention having an Asian grandparent.

On the other hand, one of my friends is married to a man who is half Asian. Their kids are being raised to know all about their heritage and culture and would definitely (I assume) identity as mixed race.

Basically I don’t see why it’s something you have to ‘decide’ for your daughter. She might look white, but she has a Chinese grandparent. That’s a fact. I’d be reluctant to talk about ‘classing’ a child as anything. If it’s relevant info on a form (medical etc) then you put it there. It doesn’t seem like something that you, as her parents should be ‘deciding’ for her.

corythatwas Tue 12-Mar-19 08:18:54

I would be very wary about making your mind up on something as frivolous as seeing what your baby looks like.

Apart from the obvious question of genetic illnesses which has been rightly stressed by other posters, it's treating its heritage like something you try to cover up if you can. And if the baby then has a sibling that features the other side of the family it could be very difficult. Or if the baby grows into a young child that looks more like one side of the family than they did as a baby.

contrary13 Tue 12-Mar-19 08:13:02

"... Also don't forget you child could come out a darker mixed race than you, it's all a "game of pick and mix genes" as a genetic councillor told us."

^ This ^

My daughter's biological "father" (they've never met) is mixed - which means that, technically, the child he and I created, is also. However, 20 odd years ago, everyone told me that she's white-British, and that's how she has always been classified on forms. My son's father is white, and he raised her from birth, pretty much, and she passes as caucasian. Her boyfriend is also caucasian... but I've had to warn her quite recently that if she's thinking about having babies with him (long-term relationship, and they're at an age where all of their friends are reproducing themselves), she needs to tell him that her biological paternal grandmother is of African heritage. There is every chance that any baby she has, might have a darker skin tone than theirs, and/or features which aren't caucasian. I don't want her being accused of having had an affair if/when she hasn't, after all... particularly not with a newborn in the vicinity.

In my opinion, because you're mixed, then your daughter will be, too - even if only by 1/4 as opposed to 1/2 of her genetic make-up. And your husband/his family need to be prepared for your baby to display facial features and/or a skintone which are not caucasian, whether upon birth, or shortly afterwards. I know that, however your baby looks, they will be loved - but how they look may well be a shock to your husband/his family for a little while. Be prepared for that possibility.

And good luck flowers

saffy1234 Tue 12-Mar-19 08:01:26

Hi OP my children have the exact same genetic mix,two are very pale but one is almost darker skinned than me.I class my children as mixed race x

Smoothieberry Tue 12-Mar-19 07:52:54

I am mixed black/white. My son's dad is white. We had this exact same discussion. It's one of the reasons I left him (amongst other things). Of course our son is mixed. Having 25% black in him absolutely makes him mixed. It's IMPORTANT - he's higher risk for certain illnesses for example. How dare he deny his son's heritage as well as mine?!

Bobbycat121 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:45:55

I am mixed race and my childrens father is black, I class them as mixed race (they are very light anyway) and put mixed on forms as they are mixed. I would feel weird putting black. So yes I would say your child is mixed.

Charley50 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:39:26

My DS is 3/4 white English, 1/4 Mediterranean country, with no contact or cultural ties with that part of the family.

I still put white / other on forms.
I think your DH is out of order.

There is a blood disorder that only affects Mediterranean people, thallasemia (sic) afaik, and other conditions that only affect some genetic backgrounds, so heritage can be relevant genetically/ medically.

gauntletthrown Tue 12-Mar-19 07:31:03

Friend is had Philippine.

Her two children with Mr 100% White are always known as white.

HairyToity Tue 12-Mar-19 07:28:01

My great granny died when I was a toddler, but apparently she could pass for white, so I don't know what the actual percentages would be.

HairyToity Tue 12-Mar-19 07:26:19

I have a Jamaican great grandmother and class myself as white. Jamaican granny was light skinned (multi generation mixed) and we've been white looking for generations.

There is a girl in my daughters class who is a 1/4 Indian. She is blond and blue eyed. Technically she is still mixed race, but you'd have to see her with her mum and Indian Grandad to know.

It's your call.

Hazlenutpie Tue 12-Mar-19 07:22:55

Weird that your DH wants to whitewash your background though. That’s clearly the main issue here

^
This

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