Playground party invites

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

Firstly I do accept maybe I'm being oversensitive about this and I have no intention of bothering the school with such minutaie (I don't rate ds1 teacher very highly but I do believe teachers work extremely hard and it's insane to ask them to police the playground politics)

However

Three times in the last three weeks , discounting half term , I've seen this but today was the most overt

Standing today waiting for the class door to open a mum handed her dd a pack of obvious party invites , she loudly said " go and give them to the lucky ones "

The little girl then went and gave her invites out to a few children then went to one little girl and went to hand an envelope then laughed and said "oh I forgot not you " ...the poor child she had played this trick on was crestfallen , The mother smiled and said " oh sorry not everyone can be chosen and lucky enough"

The little girl approached ds1 and I could see what was coming (please see explanation below and I have never seen her interact with ds1 so they are not friends ) I glared at the mother with an absolute death glare (after years of prison work in my early career my death glare is second to none ) and kept her eyes ...she wisely stepped in and told the little girl another invitee had arrived. I was so angry , Ds1 bless him is oblivious to things a lot and I doubt had seen the interaction or understood it really (He prefers to live in dinosaur land sometimes )

So I am not accused of drip feeding ds1 has extra needs and I fully recognise (not that I would ever ever indicate to him) he isn't the most popular boy in the class, he has struggled making friends and I know the other children find him odd and a bit unusual

He is lovely kind and funny and imaginative but I get the dynamics and I'm teaching him that he's wonderful as he is and doesn't have to be included in everything , it's not an entitlement and to believe in how wonderful he is and play with the friends he wants to play with.

I don't believe people should have to invite everyone in the class at all , I really believe child's choice but whilst this was particularly overt I have seen similar

Aibu in being annoyed that this dynamic is being encourage by some parents ? I guess I feel if ds1 was only inviting a few to the party I would ask him to be considerate on how he gave the invites out and I absolutely would not allow him to play such a trick on another child

It's hard to translate tone but the mother really had an exceptionally nasty tone and thoroughly enjoyed her dd being the purveyor of the special invites publicly excluding certain children.

Of course really what would I do about it ? Nothing is what , I'm not going to make a scene , it's not the little girls fault she's encouraged to behave like that , and it's not the schools problem ,so I will continue teaching ds1 that he is wonderful and lovely and doesn't need others approval but it did make me angry

I'm usually the furthest thing from PFB honestly but perhaps I am being silly being annoyed about this
It's not the biggest issue in the world , hell it's not even the biggest issue for me this hour but it does niggle a bit.

I'm genuinely curious as to perspectives , it's not about the lack of invite but more about the encouraging children to be so exclusive publicly and not just being a tiny bit considerate ?

[DuffBeer]

You're not being silly.

The mum is a twat.

[IHeartKingThistle]

That's horrible, who does that???

[Finfintytint]

The mother is a dick.

[DrQuinnMedicineWoman]

^^

I agree with all PP.

[PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin]

Am I understanding this correctly that it is the same mother and child each time? I actually would mention it to the school because it is bullying by both of them and unacceptable.

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

Oh good

I really was a bit concerned I was being precious

Today was really overt and nasty but honestly this isn't the first time and different parents

The other two were less nasty but still the children went round and it was a bit picking the popular ones and turning the backs on the less popular children

It is quite a cliquey school but I am amazed at parents encouraging this

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

No sorry it was different parents (same clique though they all hang out at the school entrances together at drop off and are friends )

The others weren't as bad but very similar dynamics

[MarthasGinYard]

Yanbu

It's vile

There is a couple of 'those parents' at dc school.

I've seen their previous darlings give out invites and the looks on some of the dc faces when they don't get one is really sad.

I think they should be given with discretion if not whole class invite.

[MarthasGinYard]

'Precious'

[fezzesarecool]

The Mother’s a complete dick!

Obviously you can’t always do a class party but it’s about being discreet when handing out the invites and being considerate of other children’s feelings. What a disgusting way to behave and to encourage your child.

[Crockof]

I do love mumsnet when the first reply nails it.

[Bowchicawowow]

You are not wrong to be upset about this.

[PartyHatOnADog]

Wow. In our school (in the younger year groups) we gives the invites to the class teacher and she pops them in the reading bags. No grandstanding necessary...

[PartyHatOnADog]

*give

[drspouse]

At our DCs school the invitations are usually put in the DCs' trays by a teacher or the birthday child. This can lead to some of the children not actually getting them as happened with my DS, but we mopped it up in the end by texting via other families.
While a really nasty child might do as this DM did I'd hope the teacher would put her foot down.
Maybe have a word with the teacher about doing it that way in the future?

[MarthasGinYard]

'I do love mumsnet when the first reply nails it.'

Quite

[Kolo]

What an awful lesson they’re teaching their children! Of course not every child can go to every party, but a bit of empathy, discretion and tact is what should be taught.

[Bishalisha]

That’s terrible and I can picture it perfectly. Mums a dick and if she carries on like that her daughters going to be the playground bully.

I only let mine hand out invites in the playground if every single child in the class is invited. If not, teacher pops in bag!

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

Thanks all I do feel a bit better that I'm not being over sensitive

I don't really think the teacher can do much, she's under pressure herself having just had a TA taken away so I am hesitant to bring it up because I don't honestly see how much she can do

It's obviously a clique of unpleasant parents and I guess ds1 will have to deal with this at some point that some people are unpleasant, all I can do is support him to do it and make sure he knows what a great kid he is.

I'm a scorched earth parent if I need to be but I don't really think this would do any good for anyone really

[YouBumder]

The mother smiled and said " oh sorry not everyone can be chosen and lucky enough"

What an absolutely horrible woman. I’d have had to have said something

[Hollowvictory]

That's truly horrible. It's fine to not invite everyone it's not fine to do all that 'lucky obes' "nonsense. I too would be livid.
Bide your time. It wont be long before people get the measure of this awful person.

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

What absolutely horrible behaviour
The teacher may not be able to police it
The Head Teacher, however may be able to say invitations may not be given out on school premises, and that to do so will be considered bullying.

[OneStepSideways]

OP you're right, that's awful and very spiteful/sadistic behaviour from the mother. I expect the child doesn't fully grasp why it's a mean trick but the mother sounds like she got enjoyment from it.

I would have reprimanded the girl for the spiteful trick on the other girl, loudly and in front of her mother, then told the mother off if she challenged me. I can't stand bullies. That little girl will grow up thinking it's funny to be unkind and mean ☹️

[Barrenfieldoffucks]

Urgh, that actually hurt my heart a little. Who does shit like that?