Do I have the right to keep my children from my husband?

[Cornish83]

Can I stop my husband having contact with our daughters if we separate?

Just after our daughters were born I discovered that my husband had sexually abused both his younger sisters over a long period of time which he admitted to after his sister mentioned it in an argument, she also claimed he has done it to her young daughter which he denied but said he did do it to his sisters.
I would have left him but I knew he would then be more of a risk to our daughters as he would have contact without me so I have stayed with him and made sure the children are always with me and he’s never alone with them, I really want to leave but fear he would get contact with my daughters alone and possibly over night and I wouldn’t be there to protect them.
His sisters would never testify in court about this as they have put it behind them and are close and would be on his side so I have no evidence of this other than that they told me and he admitted to it.
I feel like scooping them up and running but feel the law would be on his side and the girls are safer if I am here to with them and never leave them with him.
Do I have any rights to keep my children safe from him if I feel they’d be at risk with him? they’re only 1 and 3 so I couldn’t even ask them if he did anything.

[deadliftgirl]

@Cornish83

I would strongly urge you to get some free legal advice from a solicitor or lawyer. I really do not understand the legalities of it all.

If I was me I would book flights and organise visa and jobs and then disappear to another foreign country (outside the EU) like Canada and I would not tell anyone where I am going. I would book flights with cash so it cannot be traced and I would take all cash out of accounts and cut all cards up so he cant see what and where you have been spending. I would get a pay as as you go phone sim and stop using the monthly mobile contract one. Things like that

I don't think its legal to do that though as I read to take a child abroad there are certain court orders you will need to get if the other parent does not agree. If you take the child to the EU (currently without Brexit) theres certain enforcements they can use to get the children back.

I maybe watch to much TV but I would plan in advance, I would save up, I would secure a position abroad (depending on your current position) and when I had enough and I had my ducks in a row I would leave. I would have a bag packed, hidden somewhere secret and when he is at work one day I would leave and make sure your flight is that day without the matter of hours. I would make sure your passports for you and the children are with you and secure before you plan any of this. I would not leave a letter, I would not leave a voicemail or call. I would just go and never look back and never speak to anyone from my past again. (apart from my parents maybe)

[continuallychargingmyphone]

How would she live?

What utter nonsense

What a horrendous position for you, OP. I would certainly get legal advice.

[HotpotLawyer]

Meanwhile, back in the real world (following deadlift’s post) , I would seek legal advice and also call the NSPCC for advice.

The problem is, you cannot keep your children safe even living with him. Abuse takes seconds and often happens in plain sight.

[x2boys]

I think you need legal.advice as suggested by pp, I also think you need to confide in someone, Gp, Health visitor etc ?

[Lifeisabeach09]

Can you get him to admit to it again but record the conversation secretly?
If you are able to do this, take it to social services.
Or would he be willing to grant you sole custody?

[Zofloramummy]

OMG how awful for you. How are you managing to even share the same space as him? How long ago did you find out? Was he a child when he was abusing his sisters?

What has he had to say about his actions and would he be willing to attend an offenders course? I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Dear gods. Really ignore Deadlifts post.
Nspcc, get advice, if contact must happen, contact centre. What an awful position to be in.

[SoupDragon]

like Canada

The Canada that is signed up to The Hague Convention or some other Canada?

[SoupDragon]

OP, I suspect that without any proof you would struggle to prevent him from seeing his daughters. If the sisters will not admit it to anyone official, I'm not sur what you can do.

[Lightofday]

Inclined to agree with deadlift girl. No way would I let my children remain under the same roof. Perhaps, recording a conversation with the sister 'about what my husband john did to you/your daughter because I don't want to keep my kids under the same roof anymore'. Do the same for the other sister. And him too if pos. Even if the women won't testify, you can take this to a lawyer and say u have reason to believe your husband is a threat to your kids and you want divorce with full custody n what do they think? That evidence might not be admissible but surely the fact that u have it could be used in some way. Eg: you could move out and then call social services with the evidence n maybe they could stop him seeing her. I dunno, best probably consult a lawyer first before doing anything. But I'd probably get myself and my kids out of there first.

[Lizzie48]

You can't protect them, OP, even if you really do never leave them alone in the house. DSis and I suffered SA as children at the hands of our DF for years and it happened in plain sight. It also happened during the night, whilst our DM was asleep.

You have to leave him! Contact NSPCC for advice.

[mariethecat]

Er Is this for real?? think the answer is OP! you report him to the police and social services and you leave him! I don't really get why any of that is in doubt and why you didn't do that as soon as you were told and he admitted it!! And sod the sisters they are terrible mothers if they even thought he had abused one of their daughters and didn't report it and end their relationship with him.
You can't be with them 24/7 - do you sleep in their rooms with them or something?? That's is absolutely no way to live and you are putting your children at risk by staying with him? God how would you feel if he did something and it was the one time you weren't there to watch him!

[Sparklesocks]

Ignore deadliftgirl, you can’t just flee the country and you certainly can’t just set up anywhere you please without the necessary Visas or sponsorship.
As others have said, please seek legal advice and im so sorry your family are going through this.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

Can I stop my husband having contact with our daughters if we separate?

You can't, but courts can. Play a clever game instead of going in head-first and seek out some legal advice. Find out exactly what you can put in place to keep your children safe, find out how to ensure he can be prohibited from spending time alone with them and please, please, don't up and leave to Canada without at least seeking legal advice first, because I strongly suspect you'd be breaking many, many laws.

[givemesteel]

I agree with you deadliftgirl, perhaps you've been watching too much TV, in the nicest possible way. For most people that is neither a practical or desirable option.

What a horrible situation, I'm so sorry for all of you.

I think you need to talk to his sister again. I don't know whether when he abused all of them it was when they were all children, so I have no idea what the situation is legally.

Whilst she has moved on hopefully she feels the need to protect your children as well as any other children from her disgusting brother. Unfortunately she is the only one that can do this.

If he would abuse his niece though as an adult he has committed a crime and I think there is strong possibility he could do the same to your dc as clearly being related is no boundary to him.

I think further legal advice is the only option as you need something that would deem him unsuitable to look after them unsupervised, it may not be this, but something else, eg domestic violence, drug/alcohol problems...

Good luck

[Merrymumoftwo]

If you record without knowledge is it admissible in court? I seem to remember reading it’s not so maybe someone with legal expertise can advise. Would sisters make a statement alternatively women’s aid for advice?

[notapizzaeater]

You really need some advice from a professional, you can't protect them by staying with him.

[medusa83]

You can't just leave the country - as someone mentioned earlier. You need permission of the father or a court order. Otherwise you may be going to prison for abduction- particularly if there is no evidence that he molested his sisters.

You poor thing, what a difficult situation to be in.

You could get legal advice, NSPCC even 101 or social services?

What a revolting man your husband is.

[rudewordsaretheshit]

I'm sorry for you. This is no way to live. Ask NSPCC for advice.

deadliftgirl one of the strangest, most absurd pieces of advice I have ever heard on here, and that's saying something.

[PinkHeart5914]

Thing is you would have to prove what your saying for a court to not allow him contact. Otherwise any upset partner that didn’t like the dh becuase he left could make up any kind of shit, to spite him of his dc.

Contact a solicitor go and have a chat and see what they say is really your best bet,

[ReaganSomerset]

I would speak to social services first and see what they advise.

[bluetheskyis]

You need professional advice NOW. You need to leave home but involve SS. The sisters don’t have to testify in court - sworn statements will do. He is a paedophile and measures would be put in place to ensure he doesn’t have unsupervised contact. Personally, if I could I would run.

[blackteasplease]

Legal advice first. It's the courts and SS who can keep the dds away from him.

[CountessVonBoobs]

Well definitely ignore the bunch of complete fantasy bollocks spouted by deadliftgirl.

You need advice from a shit-hot family lawyer. Try posting on Legal - there are some family lawyers on here. You could also consider whether there is scope to have a discussion with the police - I strongly suspect there will be very little they can do if the sisters don't cooperate but if they've shared details and specifics with you they may be willing to take a statement from you...? I don't know. Ask your lawyer. You really, really need one. I would also put in a call to Women's Aid and the NSPCC.

[Aridane]

Yes - legal advice / social services