To ask colleague why he is so rude

[salterello1]

I work in a school and one of the male teachers is rude to me. We’ve never had anything to do with each other but if I need to speak to him about anything he’s flippant and unhelpful.

If I see him in the corridor and say hi or good morning he kind of murmurs something back but deliberately avoids eye contact.

I’ve previously gone out of my way to try and make small talk to try and be friendly and he completely blanks me.

I’ve seen him laugh and joke with other colleagues so it’s not his personality it’s me.

There is absolutely nothing I could have done to annoy or upset him as we don’t work directly together and therefore have nothing to do with each other.

I’m getting really pissed off with his blatant rudeness towards me and really feel like I want to confront him (politely) and ask if he has some sort of issue with me, but I imagine he will just look at me stupid and act like it’s all in my head (which it’s not) and therefore make me feel even more shit.

The head teacher is lovely but I can’t really go and say anything to him can I? It just looks like I’m being overly sensitive- which I don’t think I am as I generally brush things off but it’s been going on for several years now and it’s making me angry to the point where I’d love to go right up to him and call him an arrogant prick who needs to get over himself!

Any ideas before I punch him in the face?

[salterello1]

I was joking about punching him in the face - I will keep that as a little day dream I have

[Thisreallyisafarce]

Honestly? Unless you have a reason to talk to him about work, don't. He doesn't have to be friendly.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I’d love to go right up to him and call him an arrogant prick who needs to get over himself!

Is he though? I don't really see what he's doing as being rude or arrogant from your examples. Maybe he's friends with the people you've seen him chatting to outside of work. Maybe he's not into small talk with people he doesn't know.

I see you're annoyed but I doubt it's malicious and I'm not sure why you'd need to chat to someone you don't actually work with, unless there's something I've missed.

[FittonTower]

Some people are pricks, I'd leave it unless you have to work with him

[LucieMorningstar]

I’d make more of an effort to ignore him, ie no eye contact, no hi if you’re passing etc. It could be that he has decided he doesn’t like you for whatever reason and that’s a tough one to deal with but as pp says, unless you have a reason to talk to him, don’t.

[CantWaitToRetire]

If you don't work directly with him, and generally have nothing to do with each other, why get so worked up about this? Just ignore him as he's not worthy of your time or attention.

[salterello1]

Because we work in the same environment and schools are generally polite and friendly places - I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be polite to colleagues

He has an air superiority and looks down his nose at me when I go to his class room to take children out for the activity they do with me. His whole attitude is quite poor so yes I think he is arrogant

[memaymamo]

Is there anyone else on staff/a friend who can confirm your assumption that he's only rude to you? That might help with a way forward.

[salterello1]

Yes I think maybe just treat him like a piece of shit - it’s hard though as this doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m more a happy and helpful person

[Verbena87]

Yeah, ignore him unless you need to work with him, and then be scrupulously polite.

However, will say that I had a teacher colleague who was actively rude to me (sexist jokes, spiteful) when I was ‘the new girl’ and I (genuinely by accident) spilled my hot tea down his thighs when he came crashing through the staff room door and I was on my way out. Instead of the appropriate “sorry”, what came out of my mouth was “christ! What did you do that for?!” - and after that he was polite and friendly to me. So I dunno. It’s not a punch in the face, but was much more satisfying than I’d care to admit in public

[salterello1]

I don’t need or want to chat with him - I have tried in the past as it’s called being friendly
I object to the poor attitude and general looking down his nose at me in the odd occasion there has to be interaction between us.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Not everybody has to like you /be nice to you. It sounds like he's telling you in so many ways that he's not interested in either you or small talk. Maybe you've pissed him off by keep insisting on trying to get on friendly terms with him and he's digging his heels in. Just don't speak to him unless you ever have to for work. You seem determined wear him down, there was a woman like this at my local bus stop years ago on my way to work every morning and l didn't want to speak in depth to her because she was a 'tell you my life story' type and expected you reciprocate. Ended up one day l was moving around the bus shelter round the back and back in again like a scene from Benny Hill and she still didn't get it.

[salterello1]

Verbena - that does sound satisfying

[salterello1]

Bahh lol I only made an effort to make small talk with him once - I’m not a tell my life story type!!

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Sorry meant to say l was moving round the bus stop and determinedly 'friendly' woman was following me..

[Quipsandquotes]

Bahhhumbug I don't get the impression the OP is following this colleague around desperately trying to get him into conversation. She simply says polite hellos and makes small talk when they're in a room together, and he is cold and unfriendly back to her.
That is not mature and adult behaviour and it is unfair to make a colleague feel like this for no reason.

[Frogscotch7]

I’d ignore as much as possible. Some people are just rude.

[sadnessin]

Ahhhhh you go to his classroom to take children out for an activity.

Is it that he's fed up with having his lessons interrupted regularly and having to teach to smaller classes because of what he sees as an "unimportant " activity?

Is it always the same children at the same time? Is timetabling an issue? Are his students missing chunks of lessons and not catching up?

Not saying this is (or is not) a good reason to be short with you, am just trying to find reasons as you're convinced there are none

[femidom12]

Sorry he's just not into you.

[AppleKatie]

This screams academic v support staff arrogance to me- is that it OP?

[onalongsabbatical]

Or does he fancy you and is trying to hide it? It's possible, I think. Just a thought.

[salterello1]

Sadness - I think this may be partly it, but I’ve had a conversation with him already about best times and days to take children- I have bent over backwards to try and fit in with him. He just makes me feel like a massive inconvenience and completely devalued- I really wish I didn’t care but it’s clearly bothering me.

[MartaTam]

Goodness Bahhumbug, how did you get all that from what OP posted?

[hellojim]

If you have to take pupils out of his lessons maybe this annoys him - but he shouldn't be rude to you. Some teachers are complete control freaks about anyone else having an impact on their lesson.

[AjasLipstick]

I thought he might fancy you too OP.