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AIBU?

War caused by cheesecake

96 replies

NoelEdmondsbeard · 19/08/2018 13:05

Name changed for this.

I am a new mum and live in a block of flats in a city. I have struggled to meet other mums but by chance bumped into another mum in the lifts one day. We got talking and she invited me to meet other local mums and attend a few baby groups.This was wonderful and provided some good activities for me and 5 month old bubba.

But last month she got really cold towards me. Stopped inviting me to groups/get togethers, said she was too busy for a meet up and even blanked me once in our buildings reception. I was perplexed because we had had no argument.

Well I asked what I had done to a new mum (who has become a mutual friend) and she revealed that this friend was upset due to an incident that had occurred at our last mums get together. A buffet was laid out, we had all bought some food, and she had made some home made mini ginger cheesecakes in little ramekins. All the other mums were raving about these cheesecakes and she invited me to have one. I took one bite and it was horrible. I forced myself to take another bite but really could not stomach any more. All the other mums had gobbled theirs up, so I thought I could not leave mine uneaten. So I discreetly scooped it up in a napkin and put it in my pocket. Turned out the mum had seen me do this!

She told our mutual friend she had never been so offended and that I was very rude. Our mutual friend suggested I text an apology and give her a sorry gift as she was really upset. She apparently said she wanted a "big gesture" if she was ever going to be my friend again. She was also upset that she had introduced me to her friendship group yet I had been so snobby to refuse to eat her cheesecake.

I am very embarrassed that she saw me get rid of her cheesecake. But I could not eat it and did not mean to offend.

And part of me thinks she should just accept she makes mushy cheesecake and laugh it off. This is surely not worth ending a friendship over.

Is cheesecake such a big deal? AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

OnTopOfSpaghetti · 19/08/2018 13:08

She's no friend. All that fuss over cheesecake, some people thrive on drama. Find some better friends

Pickleypickles · 19/08/2018 13:10

You did nothing wrong and that woman needs grow up! Sometimes people don't like things it's not personal. I would just let her get back to being an immature cow tbh and ignore her but if you do want to make amends find something she doesn't like to eat, make a giant bowl of it and present it to her and then seat there while she eats it.

BonnieLass5 · 19/08/2018 13:11

YABU for saying ‘bubba’.

But obviously this so-called friend is being overly dramatic about the cheescake. However, imagine if you saw someone pocketing some food you’d made. I’d feel a bit miffed. But you don’t need to beg for the privilege of being her friend. I would personally just text an apology to her about the cheescake. I wouldn’t offer anything more in way of apology.

HolyMountain · 19/08/2018 13:11

If she’s offended by you not eating her cheese cake imagine her reaction about something serious.

Honestly , don’t bother trying to appease her.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/08/2018 13:14

Tell the mutual friend the truth. You tried it, didn't like it and tried to be discrete about it. Bollocks to her and her preshusness!

katielouise3 · 19/08/2018 13:14

Sorry, but all I can think of is this scene from FRIENDS...

War caused by cheesecake

PerfectlyPosed · 19/08/2018 13:14

That's hilarious! I'd be happy to never see her again after that behaviour!

I went to a party once where my friend made cupcakes but forgot to put icing sugar in the icing so it was just coloured butter. We all spat them into napkins and hid them in various spots around the house. We still joke about it now and she also saw the funny side when we told her.

ArmySal · 19/08/2018 13:15

Call your bubba what you want ffs.

Let her go OP, who wants a friend who makes shit cheesecake?

theymademejoin · 19/08/2018 13:23

@BonnieLass5 - However, imagine if you saw someone pocketing some food you’d made. I’d feel a bit miffed.

Genuine question Bonnie - why would you be miffed if someone didn't like something you made? Everyone has different taste so it's not a personal insult.

I would, however, think it a bit odd if I saw someone putting food in their pocket just because they didn't like it. I would expect an adult to act in a grown up way and either just leave it or make a comment such as it was lovely but a little too gingery for me.

I have a friend who told me my chocolate mousse would have been nicer made with milk chocolate. I didn't take offence. She prefers milk chocolate, I prefer dark. If I buy her chocolates, I buy milk. If she buys me chocolates, she buys dark.

OP - you really don't need that level of drama in your life. If you want to apologise in order to make mutual gatherings more comfortable, go ahead. But I would definitely hold back and act polite but distant.

bastardkitty · 19/08/2018 13:25

A big gesture? Maybe a pony, or something similar? Honestly, fuck that shit.

Racecardriver · 19/08/2018 13:27

Ginger cheese cake sounds disgusting YANBU

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 19/08/2018 13:27

Perhaps really make a grand gesture and give her a present at the next meetup - a cheesecake making book?

Then just never see her again. Sorted.

Racecardriver · 19/08/2018 13:28

Oh and cheeseake lady sounds mental

DarlingNikita · 19/08/2018 13:30

What a drama llama she is. Ignore.

TBH the way you describe it, it sounds like you were about to get friendly with the local mafia ('our mutual friend suggested I text an apology and give her a sorry gift... she wanted a "big gesture"') so I think you've dodged a bullet.

DarlingNikita · 19/08/2018 13:30

PS anyone else craving cheesecake now?!

Twinkie1 · 19/08/2018 13:30

I'd get her a Cheesecake cook book as a big gesture then tell her to fuck right off.

You don't need this woman in your life.

viques · 19/08/2018 13:32

racecardriver I was just thinking that ginger cheesecake sounds delish!

Memo to self, search out long lost recipe for baked. banana cheesecake with toffee sauce

sirfredfredgeorge · 19/08/2018 13:32

Genuine question Bonnie - why would you be miffed if someone didn't like something you made? Everyone has different taste so it's not a personal insult

It's the hiding you'd be miffed at, as you say not liking the food is fine, pocketing the food is really odd, what it demonstrates is a lack of friendship and deceit - that you cannot actually be honest enough to a friend to say "don't like it" makes you wonder what other things you might not be honest about.

sirfredfredgeorge · 19/08/2018 13:32

(oh but expecting a big gesture, or indeed anything is really odd too, but don't pocket food of friends...)

PolkerrisBeach · 19/08/2018 13:33

If everyone else was saying it was very good, then the chances are that it was at least edible. "not being able to stomach it" is an extreme reaction and if as is usual with fussy people was accompanied by grimacing then it's no wonder she was offended.

Creating drama over it is a bit OTT though.

White chocolate and stem ginger cheesecake is one of my very favourites and is absolutely delicious.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/08/2018 13:35

A big gesture? Maybe a pony, or something similar? Oh yes!!!! Write a poem in a big card:

OH! What mistake for a friend to make,
To have tastebuds that didn't appreciate
The glory that was YOUR CHEESECAKE

Then borrow or hire a pony and lead it up to her with the card and a Daily Mail sad Face... cry if you can... tel us all when/where though

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 19/08/2018 13:35

They all gobbled it up?

Nice way of putting it, OP.

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pouraglasshalffull · 19/08/2018 13:38

If you openly said you didn't like the food and apologised saying you'd have to leave it and she was annoyed then fair enough

I think the fact you was sly and tried to pocket it is strange and that will be the reason she's annoyed, not because you didn't like it. I would be a bit annoyed too

Yes you should apologise, explain you should've been honest up front but you didn't want to hurt her feelings because she put so much effort into it, this is a trivial matter and a conversation should put it right. If she doesn't accept your apology then she is being petty, but It think its worth apologising for

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 19/08/2018 13:38

I can't stand sulky adults. Sulky adults who only communicate via a third party are even more annoying.
Ignore her, she wants you to run after her and confirm that she is more important than you. Fuck that.

AlansLeftMoob · 19/08/2018 13:39

I'm screeching at "give her a sorry gift"

yes, give her a lovely shop-bought lemon cheescake with a note saying "sorry your cheesecake is shit"

OMG this is why I have always hated groups

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