MIL and FIL want to babysit

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

My daughter is 4 and a half months old, and my mother and father in law who I absolutely adore, want to look after her overnight.

They often hint and offer, to which we decline or say 'maybe one day soon' but I feel awful as if I'm keeping her from them the more they ask.

We see them regularly, they just absolutely adore her and LOVE caring for their grandchildren (DD is our first but they have a grandson who is 3 who they mind regularly)

I just don't feel like I need the break from her, and have no doubts that they'd do an amazing job, I'm just not ready.

Can I keep politely declining? I still think 4 months is really young! (She has stayed at my mams but my mam 'knows' her as well as I do, she practically moved in with us when she was born) but even then I can't fully relax.

I guess I just feel as though they think I think they're not good enough which really isn't the case.

Thanks x

[ijustwannadance]

Just tell them you're not ready to be away from her yet.

[Angie169]

It sounds like they really want to have her to look after , take them up on the offer now so that when she gets older you will not be leaving her with 'strangers'
If you are unsure about leaving her over night how about leaving her with PIL for a few hours during the day , treat your self to a very long bath / coffee / lunch with friends etc.
I am sure once you have done this a few times you will feel more comfortable with leaving her over night .

[anotherangel2]

It is difficult if you are happy for her to stay away though for you to say that don’t want to be away from her. Will she stay at your Mum’s again? If the answer is not for a good while then you can tell them that you found it difficult her being away and won’t be doing it again in the near future

[NerrSnerr]

I wouldn't have left my children at that age but your OP is a bit contradictory because you say you don't need the break but she has stayed with your mum?

I think it's a little bit unfair. How about telling them that the next time you need a baby sitter overnight they can care for her? Take it in turns?

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

My mum will be my main childcare when I go back to work so trying to keep things familiar, including nights (DH and I are both shift workers)

I could leave DD with them through the day, and have done once before (I was a bit anxious but I think that's normal?!)

I do say I'm not ready, I just feel like they maybe think I don't trust them, even though that's not the case and I tell them this.

Maybe as she gets older I'll welcome the offer! I just enjoy her company myself too much too, but I agree, a mate date wouldn't go amiss!

[Osirus]

If you don’t want to, don’t. It’s not fair, but your mum is totally different to your MIL, at least to you and you are the one with all the hormones and maternal emotions.

My DD is two and she has never stayed overnight with anyone else, and I don’t want her to yet. There’s no need for it.

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

No, I agree. But come November I'll have no choice due to work.

Hopefully not often depending on when DH and my shifts are. I just feel like sometimes I'm trying to please everyone with her as they all adore her (which is amazing, we're blessed) but my maternity leave time is precious to me.
No she won't be staying out at my mums again anytime soon, sorry I wasn't clear with that.

xx

[Monty27]

Don't be pushed into it. Why are they persisting? Just tell them you aren't ready. They are being really pushy and making it worse. My first was 4 months before we left her with neighbours while we went out to dinner and picked her up when we got back.
Oh no just say no.

[Fatted]

It's probably a bit early for overnight but try letting them have her for a few hours at a time.

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

I'm not sure, they have their DGS minimum of 3 nights a week, sometimes more nights/days. I'm not sure if they think having DD overnight it'd be doing us a favour as SIL had a tough time at first with DS, and now they tend to look after him more than the average grandparent! Maybe they think it's the norm

[Kingsclerelass]

Op, your dc is still very young and there is no need yet for her to be away overnight. She is not a toy for other people to play with.
However bear in mind that after you go back to work, your mum may get a bout of flu or take a holiday or put her back out and be unable to look after your ds for a week or two. You may need your in-laws then.
You and dd have to be comfortable with the arrangement though. Agree with @Angie169, Could you start with just an hour or two shopping trip or girl’s lunch?

[Sammyham88]

I'd just take DD round to theirs, have a cuppa, and explain how important your maternity leave means to you and you're just not ready right now to have a night away as you don't feel like you need one but you know how lucky you are to have them and how much they care for your DD and what a fantastic job they'll do when eventually you do feel ready for them to have her overnight and will let them know. Sure they'll appreciate the honesty.

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

Yes I think I'll do that, thanks everyone.

A daytime date sounds good, I dare say in the future I'll have no problem with her sleeping at grandma and grandads, but just not yet.

I think maybe in the past I've brushed it off 'oh maybe soon' 'maybe when you get back from holiday' I just need to be honest and not skirt around their feelings (which I'm sure they'll be ok with, I just hate feeling like I'm making people upset!)

[ChocolatePanda]

I wouldn't do overnight at that age, but would do a couple of hours during the day. Surely there are times that would suit you for them to have her for a bit that wouldn't get in the way of your maternity leave time - like when you have shopping to do.

[BertrandRussell]

Remember you might need back up if your mum is ill or on holiday. And if she’s stayed at least one overnight with them you’ll be less stressed if it has to happen at short notice.

I would leave her for a couple of hours a few times, then one night - from a purely pragmatic, practical point of view.

[mindutopia]

A lunch date or an evening out for dinner sounds like a lovely idea, if you're comfortable with it. There was no way we were doing that at 4 months with either of ours (we co-slept and I am bf, so I can't even really leave them with my dh at that age!). But by 7 months with our dd, we went to a wedding and left her with my mum for the evening (about 6-10pm) and that was lovely. But we didn't do an overnight until our first was 2 and mum/MIL came to our house and stayed overnight here. That felt fine at the time, but anything under at least a year would have been way too soon.

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

I guess so, as soft as it sounds though I just really like being with her. A couple of hours to myself wouldn't be a bad thing though you're right.

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Both grandparents should have the opportunity to form relationships and if they are asking why not, why is your mum ok and not them. I would love it if my inlaws showed an interest in our dc and had them but they are busy with SILs baby to take much notice on of dc.

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

I think they're just so excited, they're both recently retired so have a lot of time and I can't stress how much they adore her, which is great! I'm just not ready x

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

My dc's haven't slept out until they were old enough to enjoy a sleepover!!
Never felt the need, although I have had dgc from 5 mo two nights a week!!
Dil decision, not mine but happily agreed if it's what she needed.
Each to their own, as parenting is I guess!

[twinkletwinklelittlerainbow]

They do have a relationship with her, but they don't 'know' her like my mam does which is why she has stayed with my mam and not PIL. I'm not saying never, just not right now while she is so little

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Your not really giving them the opportunity to get to know her are you though not even for a few hours during the day. Sounds like they would to keep her the same as they do with your sils dc which is brilliant

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Your DD is very young so I'm not surprised you don't want her sleeping out just yet. I think lettting them have her for a few hours is a good plan though if you want to.

[Guna100]

I agree with PP's - it'd be a good idea for PIL to have your DC for a lunch or dinner time slot. Maybe not overnight yet. You will more likely than not need back-up over the coming months / years.......things can happen, people can get sick etc. Let things happen in your own time for overnight.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

They do have a relationship with her, but they don't 'know' her like my mam does which is why she has stayed with my mam and not PIL.

But it sounds like they don't know her as well as your mum because you haven't let them have her on their own? So it's not really any fault of theirs.