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To give up on getting my dd to tidy her bedroom

(90 Posts)
LardLizard Fri 26-Jan-18 22:18:31

Sick of it

Feel like saying if you want to live in a given of a bedroom do it
Just make sure you shut the door

I’ve tried everything with her
I’ve gone through with her
Done big clear outs and she doesn’t keep on top of it
She doesn’t seem to really be bothered about living in a mess
I don’t want this to be a massive issue between us they way it was with my mum
Who used to go full on mental at me as a child hitting me etc for a messy room
We have stripped as much stuff n toys etc out of there as possible

I’m at a loss as to what to do with it
She is 10

Leeds2 Fri 26-Jan-18 22:25:38

I would let her be. Her mess, and all that.

I wouldn't accept her mess in shared areas of the house.

TheWelshDragon Fri 26-Jan-18 22:28:55

I have the same problem with a 16 year old.
I don't know what the answer is sorry.
I understand it's her room, her mess. But what about her clothes ... I get clean clothes in the wash when she does eventually give me some washing, because everything landed on the floor.
I hate her gathering mouldy cups and stuff in there.
I hate the smell of festering food! My whole upstairs smells ...

Sorry for the whinge! Following with interest ...

Julie8008 Fri 26-Jan-18 22:30:25

Its her bedroom, why are you so obsessed about dictating how she uses it? Chill.

goose1964 Fri 26-Jan-18 22:30:52

My daughter moved out and had to come back to clear it out, it's nearly done now 8 years

ichbineinstasumer Fri 26-Jan-18 22:31:00

Mine is 12, and her room is a shithole. I can barely walk across the floor, the bathroom is full of makeup and I can hardly get close enough to clean it. Yet she is interested in clothes/her appearance/an artistic child - I don't understand why she wants to live in this tip. I hope she will grow out of it. She needs new furniture but I don't feel like buyng it when I see so little respect for her surroundings - not only the clothes all over the floor, also litter, dirty cups, old food, you name it. I would not have expected this from DD, but actually DS (14) is easier, at least he doesn't change is outfit 10 times a day and ;eave it on the floor.

Bluelady Fri 26-Jan-18 22:33:05

I just closed the door and walked away. Just kicked up a shitstorm when we had no clean crockery because it was all in said room.

itsalltolookforwardto Fri 26-Jan-18 22:34:02

Wow! I couldn't cope with a smelly house due to one room. For me pick your battles works both ways. If it's not cleaned I'll go in and pick up cups and washing. As lng as they are working hard at School work I'm happy to give them a nice place to live

TalkinPeace Fri 26-Jan-18 22:40:40

Not in my house ~ We have cats ~ filthy floors get fleas

My house my rules :you want to live in a dump, go rent one

from age dot my kids knew that what could be shut in the cupboard was their business
what was on the floor was mine

only one did I have to fully threaten the "binbag room clear"

it is NOT acceptable to keep a room filthy
end of

FrancisCrawford Fri 26-Jan-18 22:44:40

The food issue is easy to deal with - immediate ban on taking food or drink upstairs. And they have to bring down all plates, cups, drinks can, wrappers etc right now. No negotiations, it happens now.

From now on, she spends Saturday morning tidying her room so yo7 can get in to hoover.
Also strips the bed and helps you remake it.

And then just shut the door and let her live in a pigsty.

You’ve dealt with the hygiene issue - the rest is up to her. She isn’t a little kid, she’s ten.

Pinkprincess1978 Fri 26-Jan-18 22:46:52

My dd is nearly 9 and every 2/3 months I have to gut her room Bd it drives me insane! After Christmas we bought her some new furniture as 'she had no storage' but she is no better - but I won't stop expecting her ti try and keep on top of her room.

Tipsntoes Fri 26-Jan-18 22:47:22

No food upstairs. Other than that, close the door. There are bigger things to ruin our relationship with our children over.

peachgreen Fri 26-Jan-18 23:28:24

No drinks or food upstairs and she gets a laundry basket which she is responsible for bringing downstairs every week. And no new things for her bedroom while it's a state. Otherwise let her at it!

peachgreen Fri 26-Jan-18 23:29:33

If it helps I was pretty bad as a young teen and grew out of it by 15 or so when I started having boys round! And am now almost as obsessively tidy as my mum!

Teabagtits Fri 26-Jan-18 23:39:38

My 8yo lives in a shithole of a room. We’ve tried tidying it for her to maintain with no luck and we’ve told her no friends round until it’s tidied but it makes no difference. I leave her to it now...

DayKay Fri 26-Jan-18 23:45:52

My kids are messy but I’m not accepting it. It doesn’t get messy because it’s something they’ve chosen, it’s messy because they’re being lazy.
I make them tidy it every night (clothes in laundry, floor cleared, books put away). It takes 10 minutes. Hoover every other weekend at least.
No xbox on the weekend if it’s not done.

TrinitySquirrel Sat 27-Jan-18 00:25:48

Girls are 10000x times messier than boys. Boys just tend to be a bit more gross with what they leave around as mess.

Womens bathrooms are generally 10x more rotten than blokes too, apart from the urinals.

Ask anyone who works in Facilities.

Christmascardqueen Sat 27-Jan-18 00:32:52

not tolerated.
my house my rules.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 27-Jan-18 00:33:37

DD is 10 and her room is a constant shit tip. If i didnt nag, I'd have no cups and plates left.

melj1213 Sat 27-Jan-18 00:44:58

My DD9's bedroom is fairly tidy but it's taken us a while to get to this stage! I pared down her stuff so that she actually has slightly more storage than she needs, all of the furniture in her room is functional, made sure that it was easier to put stuff away than it was to take it out and got her into a routine of tidying as she goes and having a weekly big clean up.

In DD's room she has a boxspring bed that is against the wall (so nothing can get shoved underneath or behind it) with a nightstand for her clock, lamp, reading book and water glass. Her wardrobe is one one of the Ikea PAX units that we designed so it has every kind of storage for her clothes - shelves/hanging rails/drawers - so no excuse for it not to be put away. Her desk for her homework has 3 drawers (one for pens/pencils, one for notepads/paper and one for all the random stationary she needs for homework) to keep it clear so she can work on it. She also has a bin by her desk so there is no excuse for leaving rubbish on the floor as it should all go straight in the bin. The last big bit of furniture in her room is an Ikea KALLAX unit with 16 cubes (4x4) which houses all her toys, books and games. Some shelves are just for books but for the others I bought the compatible storage boxes that are labelled with general toy types (Lego, Dolls etc) because I found that if it took effort to put stuff away - eg separating Lego sets into specific boxes or making it so that the items needs to be stacked/packed a specific way or in a certain order to fit - then she'd leave it out on the floor, but if she could just dump all the Lego into one box and shove it on the shelf then she'd tidy up.

Also I'm fairly "fortunate" in that I share custody 50/50 with her dad so she makes all her messes at his house and our custody arrangement is that she goes to school from my house on Monday morning and her dad picks her up that evening and vice versa. This provides a natural routine for us so that on Sunday afternoon DD has to tidy her room, pack her school bag for the following week and bring down any rubbish and cups/glasses (she hoards multiple water glasses on her nightstand rather than bringing them down daily or reusing the same one). She has stuff at both houses so she doesn't have to pack clothes/books/toys etc (at most she takes a teddy and the book she is currently reading with her to her dad's) so there is no excuse for her stuff not to be put away and she knows that I will be going into her room to clean/hoover/air the room etc while she's at her dad's and if there's loads of mess I will have no issue with just chucking stuff away as she clearly doesn't care enough to look after it so doesn't care if it gets chucked.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Sat 27-Jan-18 00:49:17

At 10 you have to do it yourself, if I leave my 10 yr old dd to do hers everything just gets shoved under the bed! I think 10 is a bit young to expect much more...or maybe I'm just too soft.

FrancisCrawford Sat 27-Jan-18 07:45:29

Lola - back in my youth there was a Brownie badge, aimed at the under tens, that covered keeping your room tidy etc. So I think it is well within the capabilities of a 7 year old.

GunnyHighway Sat 27-Jan-18 07:51:05

It's lights and flushing the toilet in our house. I feel like half of what I say to them is nagging. But in stubborn do I'll keep at it.

Passthecake30 Sat 27-Jan-18 07:52:05

I have an 8&9 yr old. Only thing that goes upstairs is water in a leak proof bottle, no food or other drink. Pocket money on Sundays when rooms are tidy (not immaculate, but floors clear).
Encouraging them to have a shower more than once a week is harder hmm

Believeitornot Sat 27-Jan-18 07:55:14

I was a messy child because I found it overwhelming and didn’t know how to be tidy. It’s the same now.

I see my dcs are similar and again I don’t know how to help. Because they do need help and taught how to keep tidy.

We have too much stuff. My plan is to give everything a place then it’s easier to tidy.

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