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To not want to call MIL Mum?

(253 Posts)
sunshinelolipops Wed 17-Jan-18 21:54:52

My MIL wants me to call her Mum and gets upset if I call her by her first name. I talked to Dh about it and he doesn't get the problem and thinks this is a normal thing to do. He is very defensive of his Mum.
I don't feel close to MIL and it feels awkward and weird to call her Mum. I am very close to my actual Mum. At the same time I don't want to upset her and have been humouring it but don't know how long I can keep it up for. I am also worried it might offend my actual mum if she heard me call her this.
My mum doesn't expect Dh to call her Mum, just by first name. I had never even heard of calling MILs Mum before.
Is this normal? What should I do?

Leilaniiii Wed 17-Jan-18 21:56:41

I have never heard of this before! If you’re uncomfortable with it, then don’t. I can’t imagine calling my MIL ‘Mum’, it’s just weird.

Ginger1982 Wed 17-Jan-18 21:57:11

Don't do it. Do you have kids? I just call mine Nana!

DriggleDraggle Wed 17-Jan-18 21:57:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tink2007 Wed 17-Jan-18 21:57:49

No, I wouldn’t and do not call my MIL “Mum” for the simple fact she isn’t my mum and it would feel weird to do so.

My SIL does though.

FucksBizz Wed 17-Jan-18 21:58:14

Don't call her mum if you don't want to. In my personal experience, MILs are referred to by their first names.

honeysucklejasmine Wed 17-Jan-18 21:58:28

My MIL calls her MIL "Mum". I will not be continuing the tradition.

MeadowHay Wed 17-Jan-18 21:58:38

I think this is more common in some cultures than others. In my dad's culture it would be very rude not to do this. I didn't think it would normally be considered rude in British culture not to do this? My MIL wants me to call her 'mum' though, and she's British. She's horrible but I still her call her 'mum', but then I call my mum a different word, as I call her 'mum' in my dad's language, so it's not like I'm using the same word for both of them - maybe I'd feel differently about it if that were the case, seeing as neither DH nor I feel very positively about MIL.

If I were you I'd probs do it to keep the peace but then I don't feel strongly about it as I said so...sorry not to be of much help.

HolyMountain Wed 17-Jan-18 21:58:44

I’ve been married to Dh for 26 years, I’ve never called MiL ‘Mum’.

Don’t do it if you’re feeling uncomfortable and never be forced into it either.

GummyGoddess Wed 17-Jan-18 21:59:06

I don't know of anyone who does that, it's not normal. It's also very weird and would make me feel icky, as though DH was my brother.

Greensleeves Wed 17-Jan-18 21:59:27

Oh gawd no

no no no

Stick to your guns on this one!

MrsBobtonTrent Wed 17-Jan-18 22:00:13

Mine wanted me to call her Mum as well. I really didn’t want to, so didn’t call her anything for 10 years! Now have children so I call her Grandma which makes life a whole lot easier grin

Hoppinggreen Wed 17-Jan-18 22:00:24

I’m pretty close to my mil and I wouldn’t dream of calling her Mum.
She would find it very odd as well

MrsAndyDayTheFirst Wed 17-Jan-18 22:00:26

My mil signs my birthday cards and Christmas presents as ‘love from mum.’ My own dm is very much alive and part of our lives. Although I think it might actually be worse if my dm were dead.

It’s weird. Glad to know my mil isn’t the only one who does it. We have an ok relationship although not particularly close. I think maybe she wants me to call her mum as it gives the impression we’re closer than we are. I just call her nana like my dc’s do.

RefuseTheLies Wed 17-Jan-18 22:01:18

Fuck no. Absolutely not. I’d never, ever call anyone Mum apart from my actual mother.

DriggleDraggle Wed 17-Jan-18 22:01:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horsemad Wed 17-Jan-18 22:01:59

My MIL wanted me to call her Mum but I said no and call her by her name. She doesn't really like it but it wouldn't feel right to me to call her Mum.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 17-Jan-18 22:02:14

YANBU. No üay üould I call my mil mum
For 2 reasons.
Only my mum is my mum.
If both me and dp üere calling her mum.
I'd feel like I üas shagging my brother.

WhooooAmI24601 Wed 17-Jan-18 22:02:42

YANBU it's cringy if you're not close to her.

Pollaidh Wed 17-Jan-18 22:03:10

I don't know anyone who calls their MIL 'mum'. Everyone uses first names.

I don't even call my ILs with the familiar form of 'you' (different language). I gave them formal titles for the first year or so, and then started using their first names but with the formal 'you'. I've known them 10+ years.

RightOnTheEdge Wed 17-Jan-18 22:03:21

YANBU. I know some people do it and that's fine if everyone is happy but absolutely don't do it if you are not comfortable and don't let anyone bully you into it.

It's very weird of her to try and make you call her Mum. She's not your Mum confused Especially if you have got a Mum you are close to.

I don't think I'd ever do it. I've got one Mum. I'd hate to call anyone else that.

FancyNewBeesly Wed 17-Jan-18 22:03:46

I don't call mine mum and can't imagine doing so but then in fairness I barely know the woman. My own mum passed away a few years ago and I think it would feel wrong. Maybe I'd feel differently if we were closer.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly Wed 17-Jan-18 22:03:57

I think its an age thing as my Grandmothers called their MILs Mum. It could also be a working class thing knowing my family! If you can i'd get away without calling her anything. Go for "My love."

Woofygoldberg Wed 17-Jan-18 22:04:20

Naah- MIL is first name, or Nanny, FIL is nickname or Pop pops which our Neice and Nephew call them. I've got my own Mum.

But on the other hand my DP calls my Nana, Nana. He actually asked me a couple of weeks ago what her first name really is- we have been together for 16yrs!

Bluntness100 Wed 17-Jan-18 22:04:58

I think this is quite old fashioned and used to be a thing.

No I couldn't do it either and did not when she was still with us. Would have felt weird and fake. She never asked me to. I think everyone would have thought I'd lost the plot if I did.

Bizzarly though I called my husbands gran , gran, because I actually was introduced to her as gran and everyone called her gran.

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