Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

To ask colleague to do one?

104 replies

DaviesMum · 07/01/2018 20:40

I've worked with this person in a team of twenty for the past five years. For some reason, they make a beeline for me whenever they walk in the door, endlessly and breathlessly telling me how fantastic they are: customers think they are the best, how gorgeous they were told they look and just in general how bloody fantastic they are. The behaviour borders on almost stalker-level frenzy, and at least an hour of my day is wasted by this person plonking themselves down in an empty seat and talking AT me.

I've tried headphones, not making eye contact and dropping subtle hints about how busy I am, all to no avail. If I go to the toilet or to the tea prep, this person is physically racing to catch up with me and off we go again. Everyone makes a joke about it but it makes for 37.5 hours of hell a week. This person plays the ingenue very well, has many people convinced of their "fragility", but when it boils down to my mental state, I'm supposed to deal with this. My manager is afraid to act on my behalf because this person has made a number of allegations against the manager, even going so far as to get their partner to threaten my manager.

I suffered my first anxiety attack in 17 years and was seen by out of hours doctor in the early hours because I know this is what I face tomorrow. I desperately want to tell this person to fuck off - all I get is how wonderful they are and to STFU. If I do this I'm screwed, help MN!!!

OP posts:

Report

AnnieHoo · 07/01/2018 20:42

I feel for you... can you asked to be moved to another desk?

mineofuselessinformation · 07/01/2018 20:43

'I'm sorry, I'm really busy. Can I talk to you later?'
Repeat as often as necessary.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/01/2018 20:45

You have to be allowed to get on with your work. Your managers should want you to be free to work and need to deal with this immediately. While she's talking to you, neither of you are working and surely that's not what they want.

If she's used her partner to threaten your manager, surely she should be fired?

RemainOptimistic · 07/01/2018 20:45

Are they senior to you?

If not have you tried literally directly saying to their face with eye contact "Sorry can't talk got a lot on" and turn to your pc screen?

Then follow it up with an assertive type response if they carry on talking. E.g. "is this action or information? I've got a lot on today." Either don't look at them or stare them down!

Repeat like a broken record if they carry on talking. Literally repeat yourself. It's a really useful assertiveness technique - they have violated the social rules by badgering you, so you can break them right back by repeating the same words over and over. No matter what they say to try and get a rise out of you, just repeat your chosen neutral phrase.

dorislessingscat · 07/01/2018 20:48

Can you let off a stink bomb whenever they turn up and pretend you have terrible wind?

Or projectile vomit in their face?

Or answer your phone?

What an oddball!

DaviesMum · 07/01/2018 20:52

This person has already been moved but it's only exacerbated the problem. Senior management are aware of the problem and find it a matter of huge hilarity, although given that they all have private offices, they only see a fraction of it. My own manager is sympathetic but following several incidents regarding the company, they are scared to act on the issue.

Even when I'm rude to this person they are relentless. My only recourse is a formal grievance and I worry I will end up paying the price.

OP posts:

dorislessingscat · 07/01/2018 20:54

Do it. It will buck your managers up.

But compile your evidence carefully first.

loveablether · 07/01/2018 20:57

"Sorry 'Janet' but you really need to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Your endless self important drivel is hurting my brain and I really don't want to listen to your shit anymore. Pick some other poor bastard to inflate your ego on or better still, go fuck yourself in that moaning fucking gob of yours? "

Too much?

DaviesMum · 07/01/2018 21:01

If only loveablether, if only. I wish I could do just that and watch the ensuing tears and hysteria for all the crap I've had to endure from this person. I'm tempte to go off sick, but it feels like merely deferring the problem not solving it. This person will not be leaving any time soon, even though they're always telling me they're too good for the job.

OP posts:

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 07/01/2018 21:16

Turn up the sound on your headphones.

Shockers · 07/01/2018 21:17

Watching with interest as I have a similar colleague. They’ve only been with my team for a few months, but have decided I’m their target.

The difference is (or may not be), I’m pretty sure mine is on the autistic spectrum, as they don’t pick up on social clues at all. I’m mindful that being rude to get my point across could be very damaging, and might be perceived as bullying, although this person is making my work situation very stressful.

You have my deepest sympathies, as I’m fucking exhausted by mine after a relatively short time compared to yours!

ForalltheSaints · 07/01/2018 21:19

Get advice from a solicitor. A letter to the company HR department from them might make them think again. It is harassment from what you describe. Any employer has a responsibility for everyone's mental well-being not just one person's.

user1495222250 · 07/01/2018 21:22

Your manager really has to act on your behalf here. If they've been threatened, then it's their manager's responsibility to act for you both. This is appalling. Ask your manager to go to their boss right away.

No wonder you're stressing and panicking at the thought of having to go to work, and the company has to do something about it. Management's failure to act is affecting your health. Are you a union member? A rep could take it forward with you.

AnnieHoo · 07/01/2018 21:22

I have a similar colleague with obvious mental health problems and she seriously disrupts work and undermines management. She sits next to me. I don't react to any of her huffs puffs noisy typing constant narrative, loud phone calls, slagging other staff. I walk away, far away or keep my Bose noise cancelling headphones on they are amazing I listen to "desert island discs" instead of her constant crap!! I've only been there a few months. You should formally report though. But get those headphones they're great! I got them for DHs snoring.

Redsippycup · 07/01/2018 21:25

Can other colleagues see her approaching you - is there someone you can ask to phone you when she's approaching, so you are blatantly unavailable to listen to her?

Perhaps sign up to every free webinar you can find as well - you don't actually have to be listening to them, just have them in the background to click into when she approaches. Use headphones and have a mic. Extra points for panicked sshhhhing and flapping when she starts waffling, and pretending all the other delegates can hear her

DaviesMum · 07/01/2018 23:10

We do have a system for when she approaches me, but it depends entirely on my colleagues noticing and having the time to ring my extension. There is also a codeword but I daren't say it here as it is would be quite outing.

I used to feel sorry for her but it's become clear that her behaviour is quite malignant. She tells some bizarre stories as well, often telling you the same one but with a slightly different narrative. When I try and pretend I'm busy looking at my screen, she suddenly siddles up to me and puts Marcelle Marceau to shame with exaggerated mime gestures to get my attention.

I'm not usually shy with my opinions but I feel she has worn me down to the extent I listen whilst looking dead behind the eyes.

OP posts:

ToadsforJustice · 07/01/2018 23:18

Put your hand up and ask her to stop talking. Repeat until she stops. Tell her you are very busy and you haven't got it to listen to her. Tell her you are not interested and you don’t care if she gets upset. Tell her to go way. Far away. Then keep going.

Every time she starts talking, repeat as above. She is not your friend. It doesn’t matter if you upset her. She doesn’t care if she upsets you.

Maelstrop · 08/01/2018 00:05

Do what Toads says. Hand up to block her, tell her A) I am busy B) I am not your friend and C) [the killer] I am not interested, in the nicest possible way, please go away.

Be brave, OP, she affecting your work, your mental health and needs to fucking do one.

TeaAndToast85 · 08/01/2018 00:12

I agree with what everyone is saying about repetition.

'Sorry Janet, I have loads to do so can't chat right now'

'I have loads to do so can't chat right now'

'I can't chat'

'I can't chat'

'I can't chat'

Etc

CremeFresh · 08/01/2018 00:15

You poor thing, can you just get up and walk away even if she's mid sentence? Your manager really should be addressing this.

Butterymuffin · 08/01/2018 00:19

Has this gone to HR? I would go and say this is now becoming bullying and you want something done.

While you shouldn't have to do this, have you thought about looking for a job elsewhere? It might be the quickest way to stop it all.

DaviesMum · 08/01/2018 00:26

I've tried that too, CremeFresh - she has actually followed me into the toilets and talked through the cubicles at me. I've had to sit in the car and cry at lunchtime to get peace and clear my head.

I've also seen her try five times to get my attention, each time noticing I was on the phone, before finalling giving up. She never starts walk on time because of her behaviour and will say to me "if anyone asks, we're talking about work." There's a scary modicum of truth, insofar as it's about how fucking great she is at it. Sarcasm is beyond her as is subtlety. When she is thwarted she's sullen and stomps around - she's in her fifties, FFS.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

DaviesMum · 08/01/2018 00:28

I have looked for other work but my health issues are fairly visible and put employers off. At least with the job, I enjoy the work, I just fucking hate her.

OP posts:

Madwoman5 · 08/01/2018 00:34

Can you go over your manager's head to hr or senior management? She is not only affecting your productivity but your mental health.
Either that or turn to her when in the tearoom and calmly say, fuck off away from me. I am not interested in your opinion of yourself or of me. Go away and stay away...now!

CremeFresh · 08/01/2018 00:34

I would go to your manager tomorrow and ask one last time for them to deal with it ( put it in an email to them too) . Tell them how badly it's affecting you and that if they won't deal with it then you are left with no option but to be rude to this woman.

Then if they take no action you are left with no option but to tell this woman to GO AWAY ( and do it)

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.