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To really not want to do Christmas, at all?

(131 Posts)
willowriverwander Thu 23-Nov-17 16:57:02

I know I sound like Scrooge here, but hear me out.

I just don't like it. I am vegetarian and I feel a bit ill at the thought of the turkeys being killed. I hate the "stuff your face" sort of mentality that's seen as acceptable. I mean, in Dickensian England, fair enough. People had nothing for the other 364 days. But today we are so greedy anyway. I actually find the food thing really stressful.

I like buying things for my children but again, I am so uncomfortable with this idea of them tearing through hundreds of pounds worth of gifts. I hate the way everywhere is crammed at this time of year.

Tentatively, I'm wondering about just having a tree, and then just a chilled out day with a nice dinner. Maybe one gift each.

We are going skiing in the New Year so that should be nice. I wish it was over Christmas itself!

Or will I be considered shocking by today's standards?

Acrosstheuniverse123 Thu 23-Nov-17 16:59:17

I feel the same.

HelloSquirrels Thu 23-Nov-17 17:00:29

You can do whatever you like! There's no hard and fast rules!

Were doing presents but not ott and im not cooking xmas dinner either! We arent even having a "proper" xmas tree.

Couldnt care less what anyone else thinks tbh. Im looking forward to a stress free day with dp and ds!

Hiphopopotamus Thu 23-Nov-17 17:00:40

YABU to spring this on your children now the build up to Christmas is in full swing! Feels unfair if they are expected expecting their usual Christmas that will suddenly be taken away

willowriverwander Thu 23-Nov-17 17:02:26

We don't really have a "usual" Christmas. Dh can sometimes get a bit morose as his parents were killed in December. It was a long, long time ago now but he still can get a bit prickly.

Namechangetempissue Thu 23-Nov-17 17:02:36

Just do what you like! People get so obsessed with how other people celebrate and the social norms. Eat what you want, do what you want. You won't explode or turn into a social pariah if you don't have a turkey or some crackers or spend a bazillion pounds or 50p on each kid. Do what you want and don't give it a second thought.

onalongsabbatical Thu 23-Nov-17 17:02:49

YANBU. I've always felt like that about christmas, and kept it as low key as I could. I have two grown-up daughters who survived my christmas gloominess and now understand it, it doesn't seem to have wreaked unending damage on them. It's a cultural pressure, and there's a way to resist the pressure but still not disappoint your kids, really there is. Best of luck. Now that they've left home, me and my DP are scuttling off to a Welsh cottage where we can pretend nothing's happening! (I won't even use a capital 'c' for the word - why should I?) grin

Nyx1 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:03:04

YANBU

hth

I don't send cards but I gotta say, the temptation to buy some Krampus cards has nearly killed me grin

Christmas is crazy. If you are religious it isn't necessary to buy your DC a pile of stuff. If you aren't religious, it isn't necessary to buy your DC a pile of tat.

I'm also vegetarian and my parents insist on buying so much food and then try to send us home with it! A few years ago I said to them "we'll take it but it's going straight to the food bank". Only then did they see my point. I find something about them buying several things and then wailing about use-by dates incredibly grim.

so no OP, YANBU at all. And the irony is, I think a lot of people feel like this but won't say so. There was a guy on the commute home yesterday talking to his mate about what he felt he "had" to buy for his DC.

Nyx1 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:04:13

x-post - I just saw about your DH parents, I feel for him.

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:04:37

I think you are being really negative and missing the point.

Christmas is a way to celebrate during a time of year when it is dark most of the day and cold and miserable.

Make it a joyful experience in a way that suits you and your family - provide less food and fewer presents if you like, but what really matters anyway is how you all feel about each other and about having something nice and special to do. Watch your favourite family movies, fill your children's lives with light and joy and twinkles during a truly miserable time of year, and enjoy the time off work. FFS lighten up!

My DH's Dad was in the police and often had to work - both his parents were and are miserable twunts at Christmas, and I think less of them because of it.

Don't be like them.

onalongsabbatical Thu 23-Nov-17 17:04:48

X-post. Just saw that your DH's parents were killed at that time of year. Must make it very, very hard.

Ecureuil Thu 23-Nov-17 17:07:07

The thing is, there is a middle ground between mass consumerism and gluttony and doing nothing. And I suspect most people actually fall somewhere in the middle.
We have young children (4 and 2) and just buy a few well thought out things that I know that they’ll get a lot of use (and fun) out of. I’ve asked for books, DH wants a new wallet.
The only extra food we buy at Christmas is a big cheese board, as we both love cheese! We don’t have turkey as none of us like it, we’re havinr beef Wellington. Might do a pudding for the DC (which we don’t normally have). We’ll spend the day playing games, going for a walk etc. I spend a lot of time before Christmas taking the DC to look at the Christmas decorations in garden centres which is their idea of a great Christmas Day out grin. Other than that we love Christmas carols and films.

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:07:30

Well do less food and fewer presents, but FFS don't be miserable. Fill your family's life with joy and light and twinkles, fun family movies, board games - whatever cheers you lot up - at this time of year. The celebration is really designed to have some enjoyment at an otherwise dark and miserable time of year.

We do not live in a dictatorship - nobody is forcing you to do Christmas in a particular way - but if you are a miserable miserly cow your family will resent you forever.

My DH's parents were miserable at Christmas and now they are alone every christmas because they are a pair of miserable cvnts and the kids all do something fun without them. Don't be like them.

willowriverwander Thu 23-Nov-17 17:09:18

I love the time of year but that's the point. What's wrong with a bit of gloom? It isn't dark and depressing: dark, yes, but I don't mind that.

When I try to watch films with my kids I am doing it wrong sad Other people's apparently cuddle under a blanket and watch with their eyes filled with wonder. Mine get bored, start kicking each other and me and then wander off to do their own thing, leaving me watching the Muppets Christmas carol alone. Or wait till a muppet comes on and then I get "ha ha, DC1, that's you, you're a muppet. Oh no, DC2, that's you, YOU'RE a muppet!"

hmm

We do like: the fresh air, DS and I like Nightmare Before Christmas and Jim carey's Christmas carol but a bit dark for the younger ones.

toffee1000 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:13:22

That’s a problem everyone has, social media creates these ridiculous and unobtainable expectations about how Christmas should be. Even if they managed to snuggle up and watch a film with wonder, I bet those kids are annoying the rest of the time. Don’t compare yourself to social media or adverts; people on social media will only show the good times because they want to show off or think that that’s what they should do.

willowriverwander Thu 23-Nov-17 17:16:11

I don't think I do; I know it is bollocks. I suppose I worry that other people will though. But I really don't want to make a huge fuss out of it. And I know there is a middle ground but it seems to me to be quite over the top even compared to when I was little (am 36 this weekend! shock)

cathyclown Thu 23-Nov-17 17:17:12

Forced jollity doesn't work. Just don't buy into it all if that's the way you want it. There are no rules, but don't project misery either please!!

You are either into a big hoo haa day or you're not. Go with your instincts.

As long as the children are full of grub and get a pressie or two, the tree is twinkling in the background, the TV is droning on, then all is good. Kids wind each other up when they are bored. Get out for a walk with them. Tire them out!

If you can do a Christmas without any fuss that sounds good to me! Everyone is different though.

Allwashedup Thu 23-Nov-17 17:20:38

Hear hear. I don't like Christmas and all the commercialism, greed and enforced happiness that goes with it. Can't wait for it to be over.

ladyvimes Thu 23-Nov-17 17:23:07

YABU to criticise people enjoying nice food and spending money on gifts when you are going on a skiing holiday! You do what you want and don’t worry about anyone else!

ReanimatedSGB Thu 23-Nov-17 17:26:20

What do your DC want to do? And your DH/DP? And how much work are they (particularly DP) willing to put in? Christmas often involves a lot of extra domestic work and especially wifework for women (buying and wrapping gifts for all your H's family as well as the kids, and getting nothing but a box of chocs in return, doing al the decorations, cooking all the food...)
As PP have said, you don't have to do quantities of food and mountains of presents, but most DC would find it miserable if they spent christmas doing nothing enjoyable/out of the ordinary while their mother sat around with a face like a smacked arse. Surely you can have a nice family day that has something good for everyone.

Sarahh2014 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:34:32

I always feel sad and emotional around Xmas time and I honestly don't know why. helps that We now go abroad for a week before Xmas so miss the big build up

Mamabear4180 Thu 23-Nov-17 17:34:49

Bah humbug! Do it your way and stop fretting about the hype. make it special for your family in whatever way suits you. Find Xmas films that aren't boring for adults. I watched the case of Timothy Green (or something similar) the other day and I was glued! It's on Now TV in the Disney section if you have that.

I don't give my kids loads but they do have a sack, just bits really. A stocking on the bed, a Xmas tree and a roast dinner with crackers. It's nice but not OTT. We have a nice Xmas eve buffet style dinner too with candles and light our fire in the dining room. Everyone makes their own traditions but I think you need to consider your DC and what it means for them too.

willowriverwander Thu 23-Nov-17 17:35:55

Only one is old enough to have much of a view any which way and understand my POV on it.

It's not exactly having a face like a smacked arse - at least I hope I don't! I don't really remember having any sort of traditions when I was growing up. Just a party at church and that was only when I was little. So it just all seems based around presents, presents, presents, foodfoodfoodfoodfood. And since we have no extended family at all, it's all coming from us.

Novemberblues Thu 23-Nov-17 17:38:29

I know op I love Xmas but its for the DC now isnt it - read the - what reminds you of xmas nice thread...the little things.

It is what you make it. You dont have to buy your dc piles of hundreds of pounds of tat - we never do.

ChocolatePHD Thu 23-Nov-17 17:39:11

Bloody hell Kimmy Schmidt chill the fuck out! Your post was worded very strongly especially considering the Op's dh lost his parents in December!!

I feel somewhat the same as the op. Everything is so much about greed and overspending these days at Christmas and shoved in your face, and also sometimes when people have lost loved ones/ suffered trauma they don't feel positive about it. I've had to seperate myself from my whole family this year due to historic abuse so Christmas is leaving me feeling sad and cold this year. Doesn't mean I'm a miserable fucker who won't put lights up/ have food/ make it jolly for my child.

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