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To punish him for this?

(29 Posts)
peachy94 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:31:18

Sorry this is long. DS is 4.5 has crazy thick hair that sticks out in all directions and needs cutting every 4 weeks, he’s been having it done since he was 18 months and is usually great. Last time we went he was abit iffy while they were cutting round his ears, it’s been overdue for a few weeks because we were busy over the weekends it’s half term this weeks so we went today he said he didn’t want to go but I thought he would be fine when we got there, well he went absolutely mental he screamed like I’ve never heard him scream before you would think he was being murdered . Took him outside got him to calm down he said he would go in if and he sat on my knee she started cutting and he lost it again, screaming, trying to hit and kick me and the hairdresser she tried to carry on but had to stop because she was scared she would cut him I was absolutely mortified. He's NEVER done anything like this or behaved so badly in his life. He’s gone straight to his room and I’ve told him he’s not coming out till his ready to go back and apologise to the hairdresser, but I went up 20 minutes later and he’d fell fast asleep. I was absolutely livid but now I’ve calmed down AIBU to punish him over this? I know the hitting and kicking are not acceptable but what do I do about him not wanting his hair cut I know it’s his body and should be his choice but I can’t just leave it to grow out of control? I’m going to talk with him when he wakes up but I really don’t know what to say

showgirl Thu 02-Nov-17 14:38:27

Don't punish him. It sounds like he was scared. My son is feral when he gets his hair cut he is not being naughty it just freaks him out. It's a massive sensory overload getting your hair cut.

Glumglowworm Thu 02-Nov-17 14:42:52

It sounds like he was scared rather than deliberately being naughty, especially if he's normally well behaved

Can you ask him why he didn't like it and what would help him cope next time?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 02-Nov-17 14:48:03

Don't punish him for the emotions. I would have DD make a card for the hairdresser to say sorry for trying to kick her, and talk about that being really horrible for her.

Also, buy clippers.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:48:32

He's four and a half! You can't punish him! He's too little to understand what's going on, even if he has been OK before. He was obviously freaked out by something.

peachy94 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:57:36

I don’t think he was being deliberately naughty in regards to the hitting and kicking he was just trying to get out. I just don’t get what’s triggered it like I said he’s been having his hair cut monthly for the last 3 years and he normally loves it and asks to have it done, the hairdressers are great with kids and they have a car for them to sit in while having it cut and he gets sweets. I tried asking him why he didn’t want to have it done and he just said he doesn’t want to wont tell me why knows they’re not going to hurt him etc

MrsTerryPratchett he gets his hair cut with scissors, he’s seen his dad have his done with clippers and won’t go near them

Sirzy Thu 02-Nov-17 14:58:52

You mention him getting a bit iffy last time around his ears, I wonder if the hairdresser caught the skin behind his ears a bit and it hurt hence him now being more resistant?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 02-Nov-17 14:59:31

Hairdressers are actually a common place for panic attacks. Oddly.

You may have to learn to cut hair then. And gradually habituate him back into the hairdressers.

TheHungryDonkey Thu 02-Nov-17 14:59:55

Maybe it was triggered by tiredness. You said he’d fallen fast asleep.

maddiemookins16mum Thu 02-Nov-17 15:05:36

Please don't punish him, that sort of thing will stay with him forever. He's only little and something clearly upset him.
Perhaps find someone who can come to you, it might make it less stressful for everyone.

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 15:09:54

Exactly this!
Why do so many parents jump to punishing their children at any given opportunity it’s like they enjoy it!?
Your child is distressed and upset, he’s scared for whatever reason.
He’s 4 and he needs you to comfort him and show him love and respect to help him overcome this issue.
How are you going to punish him? What is that going to achieve except make him scared of you? When he has worries or anxieties in the future he is not going to trust you and come to you for support he is going to lie to you and distance himself because he thinks you will be mad and punish him,

Swizzlesticks23 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:17:20

@pink

Chill out she is asking if she should.

Your answer should of just said no.

Don't jump down her throat god sake

Op I would just speak to him say you have always enjoyed your hair cuts. What's changed?

I think if you can communicate it will work out better he may say like someone suggested last time it hurt. His friend told him a bad story about the hairdresser etc etc

Good luck let us know how you get on

Justmuddlingalong Thu 02-Nov-17 15:18:12

I think using the word 'cut' is the problem. Mine went for a hair trim, because I think the word cut suggests it will hurt.

Doje Thu 02-Nov-17 15:18:53

I wouldn't punish him for that episode, as I think it's a bit late.

What I would do, is next time prep him and say "If you don't sit nicely for your haircut, then there's no PawPatrol/Fireman Sam/pudding/whatever 4yr olds like these days tonight" or some other 'consequence' * note, not punishment *

I realise I'm going against the grain here, but you know he knows how to behave during a haircut. Unless he can tell you he's scared of something, I don't think there's an excuse for this behaviour. I think he's just pushing boundaries.

peachy94 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:19:22

I meant WIBU to send him to his room as punshiment I’m not going to do anything else. I think I was so stressed out and now I’ve calmed down I think I was being unreasonable. I’ll speak with him when he wakes up and try and get to the bottom of what set him off, I don’t want him feeling like he can’t talk to me when he’s upset.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts Thu 02-Nov-17 15:23:43

No don’t punish him. I agree, wait for him to wake up and see what he says.
I’m getting nervous now as I’m taking my DS with crazy thick hair for a cut tomorrow. He’s also very resistant. I’m going to have to prepare him some more!

flimflaminurjams Thu 02-Nov-17 15:39:21

Don't punish him? He was kicking people!

You've sent him to his room, that's enough.

Now ask him what was the problem. Was he in pain, tired, worried? He's 4 and a half he should be able to convey to you the issue.

Take it from there. Could just be a random thing (known DD had a meltdown in the city centre for no reason, total out of character, similar age). Maybe hairdresser hurt him last time as pp said. Take him again, tell him how to behave and if it is an issue re fear, distract with stickers or his own little doll with hair and kids scissors.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Thu 02-Nov-17 15:45:34

It's a really common thing, DS went through a phase of screaming like he was having limbs, not hair, removed hmm
We did as MrsPratchet suggested & bought clippers for DH to do it himself.
Loves the hairdressers now, sits in the chair chatting away-he's 6 so wasn't too long a period.

peachy94 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:51:28

I’ve talked to him and he said he doesn’t know why he got so upset but there’s massive issue with his ears for some reason? I don’t think they caught him last time I remember checking because he was moaning about them then, he doesn’t want to go back, I’ve asked if he wants to go to the barbers like his dad but he said no. Poor kid looks like he’s been attcked by a toddler with scissors. Anyone know where I can get some hairdressing scissors from to try and even it out a little? It might go down better if I try and do it

Fruitcorner123 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:56:43

Boots or a supermarket. Maybe he heard something about someones ears getting cut or a friend hurt his ear or something.

ToffeeUp Thu 02-Nov-17 15:57:34

Poor little one. Does he have a cold or is coming down with something? That could explain the tiredness and sensitive ears.

Nousernameforme Thu 02-Nov-17 16:26:33

When my dc have had panic attacks like this i have let them have some quiet alone time to calm down so sent to their room but not as a punishment and i wouldnt have told them off about their behavior. So yabu sorry. Home hair cuts for a bit

liz70 Thu 02-Nov-17 16:33:21

I would buy some hairdressing scissors and a cutting guard, then dampen his hair, sit him in front of a favourite programme or film, and trim it yourself.

SVRT19674 Thu 02-Nov-17 17:04:33

I used to be terrified of having my hair cut. If cutting your finger off hurts so does cutting a hair off. Pure logic. My mum would cut a strand of her hair off so I could see it didn't hurt, but no way. Two people held me down and the hairdresser did what she could re trying to cut it more or less straight while I wriggled and screamed the place down.

SnowyBerries Thu 02-Nov-17 17:15:53

Mine hated it. We either used a mobile hairdresser in our home while they were distracted by tv sitting on our lap or went to a kids' hairdresser that had tv, toys, playhouse, books etc and a race car chair.

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