Please advise me because I’m drowning here and I’m on my own with no one tonask in real life.
Background: have two DS, one nearly 4 and one nearly 8. The eldest has ASD but is high functioning. Just over a year ago I split from their dad after nearly 7 years of abuse. The boys now live with me and see him EOWend. I work 4 days a week, boys are at school and nursery, breakfast club first thing and childminder until 5pm which is when I collect them from work.
Both are picky eaters, my eldest much more so. He was refusing school dinners last year so this year I’ve let him take packed lunches which is going ok. He resents the time it takes to sit and eat when he’d rather be doing something else. Youngest has a hot meal at nursery at lunchtime.
Since September, what’s been happening is that we get in the house at about 5:15, I immediately start making them their evening meal, youngest plays or watches TV, eldest goes straight on minecraft or the ipad. I have been letting them in in the living room/at the PC because our table was covered in ‘stuff’ and because they used to always argue and fight at the table. My youngest usually does eat what I give him (even though he’d live on cream crackers given his own choice) but my eldest declares he doesn’t like it or eats two mouthfuls hen says he’s done, can barely tear himself away from the screen to bother to try it. They both know the rule that if they don’t eat a decent amount of heir meal then they don’t get anything else, I don’t expect them the clear their plates but I do expect them to eat a decent amount, the portion sizes are appropriate to their ages. But when I’m putting his little brother to bed he’ll raid the cupboard for crisps and snacks and leave he wrappers everywhere.
Frankly Im fed up! But I just don’t know what to do or where to start. I do everything in the house, my youngest helps with the laundry but it’s a raging battle anytime I ask my eldest to do ANYTHING at all to help. My Ex was a SAHD and wouldn’t allow my eldest to do anything for himself, (so he could bitch and moan that he was having to do it) so as a result my eldest is not used to having to do anything and resents me telling him to. I’m not asking for the earth, just for him to bring down his dirty uniform at the end of the week, take his plate into he kitchen etc. But it’s a massive screaming tantrum EVERY time.
But I have to do something and start somewhere. So tonight, I cooked meatballs and spaghetti. Both rejected it. I had enough. I cleared the table, put on a new tablecloth, set the plates on it and sat them down. I said no screens until after dinner.
Well my youngest started to eat happily. But my eldest immediately kicked off, shouting about child cruelty etc. Stormed off from the table screaming, the works. I told him that just because it’s not it’s favourite meal of all time doesn’t mean he can leave it, that it’s wrong to waste perfectly good food. Of course now my youngest has decided he doesn’t want it either because his big brother isnt eating it.
So I said fine, time for bed then. Youngest has gone to sleep fine. Eldest is reading and has calmed down and apologised for being ungrateful.
Please help me MN. Did I go too far? Not far enough? I want to stick to the new rule of no screens before mealtime, is it fair?
AIBU?
AIBU to send them to bed with no evening meal?
Rinoachicken · 17/10/2017 17:40
Could you have a word with your eldest and explain that everyone needs to work as a team and pull together? Ie treat him very maturely and be straightforward.
Well done on leaving your ex. I did the same.
The other idea for cleaning etc is a massive cheese fest that I saw on YouTube - put on caps or hats and some music that the kids like, set a timer for however long and everyone runs around tidying up etc until the timer goes off. It is so cringey but it works with my DS very well.
I think you did the right thing.
It takes time for something to become routine. He’s had at least 5 years of no chores (assuming that the average 2 year old will do small bits and bobs like put dirty laundry in the washer, unload the cutlery section of a dishwasher... )
Moving from screens to another activity can be a minefield for NT kids too but with consistency he will learn to hide his disappointment at having to stop playing better.
I’m a single parent and my teens keep on asking how many minutes until dinner😡. (Its 5 mins) and I know they’re not going to be over the moon but it’s hard cooking food that all 3 like.
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