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Who is being unreasonable? Taking daughter to gymnastics

(85 Posts)
ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 17:54:56

We have one DD, aged around 12. She does a gym class from 8pm until 9:30 on Wednesday evenings. Normally my OH drives us all to gym and then he and I hang out together. Important fact: he's the only driver in the family, but I cycle & use transit to get around so never rely on him for lifts etc.

When I got home last night he was on a conference call. I had cycled home (10 k) and then I made dinner for us all, walked the dog etc, so he didn't have to do it. When it came time to drive DD to gym I said I'd rather stay home and wash my hair/ have a bath, and he was furious, claiming I was using him as a taxi.

I think driving your child to gymnastics is not 'using him as a taxi". He thinks it is, because I organised the class with DD and I could take her on the bus. But she doesn't like the bus, she likes being driven (obs).

Who is right?

Shoxfordian Thu 12-Oct-17 17:57:53

He's hugely unreasonable

Why shouldn't he take his daughter to her class?

Is he always so difficult?

MrsHathaway Thu 12-Oct-17 17:59:17

Of course he's being used as a taxi.

For his child.

That's why gimmick shops/sites sell bumper stickers with "Dad's Taxi" on them. Because that's what parents do.

Here it's dark by 7pm so a lone preteen wouldn't be very safe on public transport nearly three hours later. Of course you give her a lift.

Slimthistime Thu 12-Oct-17 18:00:26

I am in the camp that parents do need to be something of a taxi service for children!

I don't know how you divvy up household tasks but it sounds like a fair ask. Do you plan in advance who is taking her?

Also, bit odd for him to say "you" organised the class with DD unless he was massively against her doing it or something?!

AuntLydia Thu 12-Oct-17 18:02:16

Being used as a taxi? What is his actual issue I wonder? As a parent of kids that age, there is a lot of driving them to activities, it's like kicking off about being 'used as a chef' because you have to feed them

MarmaladeIsMyJam Thu 12-Oct-17 18:02:36

He didn't suggest the 12yo go by herself MrsHathaway
Do you never stay at home OP?

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Oct-17 18:03:40

Point out that if you're using him as a taxi, he's using you as a cook and dog walker.

stella23 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:05:38

It depends, im the only driver in the family and it always falls to me to do the running about, I hate that it's always me that's in and out the house, who can't relax because you have to do a pick up in half an hour. its really unfair if you don't take your turn to do the running about, but maybe you do and it was his turn

youarenotkiddingme Thu 12-Oct-17 18:06:25

He's being unreasonable imo.

My ds swims for a club. I do 3 nights a week training runs and have to stay. (LP)

Those who are 2 parent families take it in turns and 1 does swim run and other stays home with little kids. Those close enough with older teens often drop and collect only and the parents alternate that.

RebootYourEngine Thu 12-Oct-17 18:07:30

Maybe he is annoyed because he wanted to spend some time with you. <Clutches at straws>

Akire Thu 12-Oct-17 18:08:13

Has he objected before? Or was he ok when he got something out of it ie your company? 9pm at night rather you got bus?

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 12-Oct-17 18:09:31

He is being U but could he just be disappointed at you not coming? He needs to get over it and drive her though.

ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 18:09:49

No, he didn't suggest she go by herself. I'd take her, but at that point it was too late for the bus to work. He did say (sarcastically) that we could go on the bus next week, then.

If I have to go on the bus next week with her, I will. I just feel like he's being a child over driving his own child to gym. The thing that most annoys me is that she heard and then thanked him for driving her to the gym and was apologizing, to which he responded it's not about her and he's happy to do it?

This is not the first time this issue has come up. A few years ago he got angry because he was always the one who had to drive her to dance comps. He was having a go about it as we were all the car, and I finally said ok, then DD will just not go anymore. Transit isn't realistic that far away and you clearly don't like driving, and it's horrible for her to listen to you complain. He then backed off.

He knows why I don't drive - I'm very anxious.

Anyway, this morning he told me I had to apologize for being disrespectful. I am refusing. I think he's being a child.

lougle Thu 12-Oct-17 18:10:36

So you cycled 10k, cooked dinner and walked the dog? How far away is the gym?

Unless the gym is 30 miles away, I think you're a flipping saintshock

TheDodgyEnd Thu 12-Oct-17 18:11:06

Does he usually leave all child related responsibilities to you? Maybe he doesn’t see children as a 50/50 responsibility - of course he is being completely unreasonable.

Uptheduffy Thu 12-Oct-17 18:11:24

I imagine he's fed up with being the only driver. You say you don't rely on him for lifts but realistically all the child's trips, weekend driving, holidays - well you aren't doing it on the bike. If he's just having a moan fair enough.

ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 18:12:11

Reboot I did wonder that. We do have a nice time hanging out. But FFS.

TheDodgyEnd Thu 12-Oct-17 18:12:46

Sorry just saw your update - what does he want you to apologise for?

stepford1 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:13:32

Remind him that just as it’s not ‘babysitting’ when they’re your kids the same applies to ‘taxi’ etc and all the other parenting - although he sounds as tho he’s being so petulant at the mo that if I were you I’d order an actual taxi next week and not say anything until then!

ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 18:16:13

Uptheduffy - we don't do dance comps anymore, thank fuck. She does have some sport but she can generally get there under her own steam now - she has her own bus pass. I volunteer on sundays at the hospital, I get there on my own. I get to work and home on my own. If I pick up groceries, it's on my bike on the way home etc. I really don't 'use him for lifts. I actually don't need to.

He did offer to take some kids from her school on a trip last week and he did that - but he's offering to? Obvs I can't do that, but then I wouldn't offer so...

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Oct-17 18:16:27

Tell him you'll take her next week on the bus, and ask what time he'll be home to cook dinner for you all before you and DD have to leave? He'll also need to walk the dog, though that can be done after you've gone. hmm

mintteaandbananabread Thu 12-Oct-17 18:17:57

Learn to drive, ditch the dickhead.

ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 18:18:24

for being disrespectful and treating him like a taxi.

He also says DD would have noted that I didn't come. I'm not sure why he thinks that matters - we don't stay and watch her. I doubt she cares to be honest- I'm sure she was happy about me feeding her (and walking dog)

ItLooksABitOff Thu 12-Oct-17 18:22:16

I am getting pretty tired of this argument with him tbh. We've been in counselling, and things always seem better afterwards but then this kind of thing happens out of nowhere and I feel like I don't get him at all. I really don't.

He also told me the way I told him I was planning to stay home was wrong. I should have used particular words and apologized and thanked him for driving her etc.

ILoveMillhousesDad Thu 12-Oct-17 18:23:20

Oh god. My mum never used to drive and my dad was so mean with his lifts to us, we used to be scared of asking him.

I swore I would never have my child feel like this.

I learned to drive soon after I had dd.

I hate it and am a nervous driver, but I will quite happily pootle to work and round town.

I am confident driving dd to clubs and stuff. Can u look at learning to drive yourself.

She is going to want lifts when she is older, picking up from friends, parties and things.

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