Obnoxious teens hogging pavement. WWYD?(108 Posts)
I've just walked 20 mins to my mums house (I have ASD) which is difficult for me and sometimes I just can't do it. I'm terrified of crossing roads or being around cars and the noise just freaks me out. I get derealization because of the sensory overload.
I'm walking up a hill with a narrow pavement next to a busy main road. This narrow pavement has a bus stop, so all the local college teens congregate there, they are so busy being loud, looking at phones that they don't hear me saying excuse me. I panicked not knowing what to do and went to walk onto the road but a car was coming fast towards me so I just said excuse me and barged past. They shouted something at me like "don't touch me". WIBU?
YWBU to just barge past , why didn't you just tap one on the arm and ask them to move if it was obvious that they had not heard you as opposed to just ignoring you . Would you like it if someone just barged into you ? In future leave 10-15 minutes later so that the bus has already been if you are not set to a strict timetable .
You are not being unreasonable. I have to walk against the flow of secondary school kids when I do the afternoon pick up for my junior school aged youngest. It can be intimidating. I find it best to be assertive I don't barge but I maintain my space on the pavement. You could contact the college I'm sure they would be happy to remind their pupils to be respectful of others
I can understand why you did it. The overload must have been extremely stressful.
Generally though, it's not really a good way to go about it.
Is there anything you can do to minimise the sensory input? Anything to muffle some of the noise from outside.
If I were you I would buy a cheap stroller (baby pram) to push as people tend to move for them even when empty. They will just assume you are picking a child up from nursery.
Obnoxious? No they weren’t. Not in the scenario you just described anyway
YWNBU people having no spatial awareness is so frustrating. Plus a large group of kids making a lot of noise is intimidating!
They weren't being obnoxious. You were by barging past them.
Tap their shoulder and ask politely if they could move.
YWNU you said excuse me and they ignored you. I've also noticed that people (not just teenagers) don't seem to know to drop into single file when there's someone coming the other way anymore. I'm willing to walk on the road to make way for a double buggy or a two people if one is obviously helping the other along, but if there's no other reason why they need to be taking up the whole pavement I will go straight through the middle, if I'm being ignorant it's because they set the standard.
It wasn't the teens being obnoxious, it was you. You might have done because you were feeling intimidated but I don't think that excuses your actions.
They weren't obnoxious but they were thoughtless. You were equally rude to barge past. When out local teens do the same I just ask them to move. 🤷🏻♀️
what you need is a strategy to use in a situation where your path is blocked by people.
first off do you have to use that route? is there an alternative?
do you have to be on that side of the road?
is there a place you could cross where you feel safe so you can avoid that bus stop?
are there times of the day where it is less likely that they will be there?
i am sorry that you had to deal with this. i understand how stressful sensory overload is.
yes it was not the socially acceptable thing to do to barge past them. but i understand how it happened.
planning is your friend. knowing what to do in advance will lower your stress levels.
Don't barge through people. I also have ASD but that's an unreasonable thing to do. I'd cross the road to avoid busy pavements, when possible, but if that's not possible then you really just have to get their attention or step onto the road (when it's safe) and go around.
They didn't hear you, you barged into them. Therefore, you were being very rude and shouldn't be assuming that they are being obnoxious.
Oh come on, she said excuse me, they didn't hear or ignored her, she has ASD - give her a break.
I've experienced similar and it's wearing
I've also noticed recently a lot of kids causally and confidently strolling into the path of cars, staring them down secure in the knowledge the car will have to slow down or stop for them.
All this recoiling in horror "dont touch me" - well don't block the fucking pavement then and make so much noise you can't hear someone asking you to let them by
I was nervous recently because of a couple of 'obnoxious looking' youths were standing near somewhere I needed to go - I had to ask them to move - they were really nice! We ended up having a bit of a laugh and a joke. Try not to judge young people by how they look.
I understand where you are coming from. But most teenagers are just very unaware of their environment - I live close to a secondary school too and they just don't notice other people when they are busy chatting, walking in larger groups etc. But generally I smile at them and say excuse me, politely, and they do move out of the way. I think there is much negative perception about teenagers but really they are still learning and sometimes they are too focused on looking cool in front of their friends. I would try and avoid the time when they come out of school - probably between 3 and 4 pm. Is that possible?
I try to leave before lunchtime as that seems to be the busiest, but the busses at that stop are very frequent, like once every 15 mins. I don't see what alternative there was, I asked them excuse me but they were so loud and in their own bubble they probably didn't hear me, I wasn't going to stand there constantly saying excuse me louder and louder until they heard. It's dangerous to cross there to the other side as it's on the brow of a hill and a sharp bend and cars come down so fast. I felt like pushing past was my only option. I get extremely irritable due to the sensory overload and feeling so spaced out from it all. My brain is just going crazy trying to process EVERYTHING.
Teenagers have exactly the same awareness of other people around them as small children. They have no concept that its rude to hog an entire pavement or get in peoples way, or run in front of people. They also walk into people. I think awareness of other people must develop later, but I live near two colleges and its not easy to walk past when its starting time or kicking out time. ABsolutely no difference between them and primary school kids except theyre bigger.
You just have to ask them to move. I always ask politely first, but if theyre pissing about with their mates then they dont aalways hear, and then i just barge past passive aggressively, which always shocks them, but what else can you do. I dont always have ages to wait until they realise that other people exist in the world
But for all you know the person you barged past might have similar issues to your own . There was the option of tapping one or two on the arm and then saying excuse me when you had their attention which is much politer than what you did . Issues or not you are coming across as very self obsessed .
Toby I have similar sensory problems to you and it is absolutely horrible. I have so much sympathy for you. I use an ipod if I have to go out on my own to distract me and drown out the noises a bit. I also look forward to this time of year because there's more opportunity to hide under an umbrella to cut out some of the visual stimulation.
The problem is that it's a narrow pavement, and a bus stop. I would think rather than 'congregating' they're actually waiting for the bus.
I don't think they sound particularly obnoxious to be honest
I have adult sons with ASD and so I totally understand the situation and how the world us such a scary, noise and frightening place.
However, I always taught my sons that their reactions due to their ASD could be perceived by others as being rude, and could lead to a far more difficult situation for them. I faced this exact problem with one son and told him barging into people was rude and the people would not know/understand their feelings and fears. Others would ses them as being rude and aggressive (the last thing they were). This could lead to the people shoving back, or saying something unpleasant, and the situation escalating. So since childhood I told him to go around/hold back and accept that others have to be considered also. In other words ASD is not an excuse to be rude, even though for them they did not intend to be rude.
It's the same on the phone. If somebody called and asked for another member of the family who was not there - eg "can I speak to James please?" if James were out one son with ASD would say "no" and put the phone down. The called would think that rude, but to my son it was merely being factual, he was not in therefore the caller could not speak to him.
So although I feel for you, OP, I guess the same rule applies. Although you have your understandable reasons, others will read your actions as being rude and aggressive, and could lead to a worse situation occurring because others were angry at being pushed. It's hard I know, but going against the social norms is difficult for you. Next time have a plan of what you might do, even if that means you have to walk further to go around them or change direction. In some ways you were lucky the young people did not reaction far worse.
Barging is rude. YOu need to cross the road if you can't make yourself hurt,, or tap on an elbow.
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