Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

Advice on how to deal with an Anti-vaccer

125 replies

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:19

Help. Posting here for traffic as I need to speak to my friend in the morning.

My dear friend is in a relationship with a complete prick who is trying to stop her vaccinating their new baby.

She of course wants the vaccinations but he has said he will not allow it and is going to write to the GP to say he doesn't give his consent.

He is a total arsehole who refuses to speak to her about it, refuses to speak to medical professionals and gets all of his information from crappy American websites from what I can gather.

He has now threatened her as well if she had them done without his permission.

Could anyone point me to some easy to understand research/info that I could get for her?

Does anybody know if he can block the vaccines or if they will do them with just her consent?

We are in the UK.

Thank you!

OP posts:

Report

wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 20:20

Tell her not to put him on the birth certificate. If they're not married he has no rights. If they are married or he has parental responsibility then yes, he can block vaccinations ( though in the real world she could take the baby to a private GP and they'd be very unlikely to pry)

MrsMHasIt · 20/09/2017 20:23

Well if he is threatening her now that doesn't bode well for the future.

topcat2014 · 20/09/2017 20:24

She should probably be planning to leave what an arse

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:26

I;m not sure why it;s any of your business.

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:26

I think they have already registered the birth sadly. I did think about advising her to go private but I don't know if she can afford them, especially if she is on her own which I suspect she will be after this. I feel so sorry for her. I have told her to book an appointment with the GP to discuss it and I also think she needs to report his vague threat to the police or at the very least her HV. :(

OP posts:

Ttbb · 20/09/2017 20:27

Why doesn't she get them done anyway and not tell him. He is unlikely to notice and once it's done it's done. The problem with antivaxxers is that they are so incredibly stupid that it is almost impossible to convince them with rational argument or research because they just aren't capable of understanding it. Short of sending him to do a BSc I don't see what an really he done to change his mind.

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:28

Cailleach666 because she has asked for my help. So I am trying to help her. Because I am not you.

OP posts:

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:29

Ttbb that was my advice initially but he has now said he will write to the GP and say he doesn't consent. :(

OP posts:

LouHotel · 20/09/2017 20:30

Report to HV so they can flag her for potential support from SS for domestic abuse.

There's a big difference between wanting to have discussion surrounding medical decisions aboit children and threatening your partner over your beliefs.

Equally to my understanding if parents disagreed about vaccinations supposedly that decision would go to court of which i imagine the judge would side with the mum.

mumofddds · 20/09/2017 20:30

They'll do them with just her consent. There was a case last year where the court sided with the vacinating parent over the anti vax and ordered them to be given so I don't think there's much he can do

Salva · 20/09/2017 20:31

Has she had her 6 week check? My midwife was asking questions to weed this sort of stuff out. At the very least asking about DV. Hopefully she can discuss with gp or hv out vaccines then lead on to her relationship. They will be able to tell her if they need only one parents consent ( if the other refuses)

harlandgoddard · 20/09/2017 20:31

How would he know if she got them done?

I got my DD's all done without DP's consent (not that he refused, just that he wasn't with me at the appointments).

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:32

People don't have to vaccinate.

My kids didn't have their MMR until they were 14

Butterymuffin · 20/09/2017 20:33

Tell her to take the baby to get them done and just not tell him. Oh, and leave the idiot.

Caill couldn't you say that of any thread on here, pretty much?

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 20/09/2017 20:33

I think she needs help with leaving her abusive H. She needs to talk to the health visitor.

MaisieDotes · 20/09/2017 20:33

I would just make the appointments and go. If he does write to the GP then that bridge can be crossed when she comes to it. Surely if one parent consents then that's sufficient? The default should be getting the vaccinations, not not getting them, right?

Ginnotginger · 20/09/2017 20:33

If her DP has parental responsibility and they are at deadlock over the matter, she could apply to (magistrates) court for a Specific Issues Order. The Court would look at the best interests of the child and make a decision on this single matter only.

LouHotel · 20/09/2017 20:34

@harlandgoddard i would imagine it might be noticeable after the 8 week when having to give calpol/baby fractious.

I dont see this relationship bolding well if important situations such as this would need to be hidden by one party.

This is a geniune LTB from me.

Butterymuffin · 20/09/2017 20:34

Ah, now I see why you said that. Never mind. Thankfully OP's friend has some sense.

NicolasFlamel · 20/09/2017 20:35

Tell her to pretend to agree with him but just book the appointment and not tell him. He won't write his stupid letter if he doesn't even know about it. He sounds like a prize twat, hopefully she'll leave him.

LunaTheCat · 20/09/2017 20:36

I am passionately pro - vaccination. Vaccination is not your friends biggest issue. She is in an abussive relationship and for the sake of her and her child she should leave.

Fortybingowings · 20/09/2017 20:36

The nurse or HV can do it with just her consent. Then she needs to leave this idiot. Sounds like she's at risk of domestic abuse if he's making threats. What a horrid waste of space he sounds.

Iheartjordanknight · 20/09/2017 20:36

Finding research for her won't help. He won't listen to it.

I suppose you could find the case where the Gp went ahead with vaccinations regardless of one parents consent but their Gp may not want to risk this

I would tell her to get the child done soon and secretly

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 20/09/2017 20:36

Me and DH have differing opinions on vaccination. Difference is he isn't an prick who won't listen to my opinion. We worked out a middle ground and went with it. I think she has a DP problem. Not a vaccine/anti-vaccine problem

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:38

buttery- how rude.

I have plenty sense.
Giving my babies MMR was not for them.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.