Sorry this is long.
I really struggle to 'sell' myself in professional situations and don't really like talking about myself in other situations as I just feel really unconfident and nervous. This is getting more of a concern as I get older. The idea of dating as well terrifies me, as I don't really feel lovable or interesting or anything like that (currently don't have a partner and have never actually had a relationship).
I've been doing an online CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) course along with phone counselling (I was referred by a GP for counselling last year) , but it hasn't really helped that much and I just feel myself slipping back into my old ways. It feels so so frustrating.
I've got into a habit of constantly apologising and saying 'sorry' (usually in a situation where I don't need to apologise). I've done this since I was a teenager, and am finding it hard to break the habit.
When I was still at school and at university, I thought that confidence would come with time and that, when I achieved things or when I did something that I was proud of, this would help my confidence and self-esteem. This has helped, but not all that much.
I'm getting a bit more concerned now I've graduated from university and looking for jobs. It just seems so cut-throat and I really don't have a thick skin at all. I had a job interview today where the interviewers were talking about the importance of having a thick skin in their job in general and it got me thinking about how I can learn to be more resilient and more confident.
The interview was fucking awful. I didn't sell myself at all, and felt really intimidated to be honest. I think I came across as really straight-laced and boring, while the firm seems to very trendy, current and a bit cut-throat really. I just went to pieces in the interview and didn't express myself well at all - got very nervous and started rambling and not answering the questions at all. It was an absolute car crash.
I actually started a teacher training course last year, and resigned from it. It broke me completely as I didn't have (or develop) the resilience needed to make it. It was awful. (Have posted before about the teacher training under this name).
Growing up, I was basically taught to be a 'people-pleaser' by my family. Although my Mum has always said to me how important it is to be resilient and to be thick-skinned, she never really explained to me or showed me in practice how to be thick-skinned. (This is just for context and background).
I'm seriously starting to think ill never get a job or have a relationship (am 25). Not catastrophising, this is just my current feeling. Don't know what the fuck to do with my life. Literally no clue. Have had careers advice since February from a careers coach (arranged through my counselling), but when I've applied for jobs, I've either not got enough experience to do them or I've applied and not heard back or I'll have an interview (like today) and completely blow it.
For context, I went to a girls' school until I was 16. Literally had no idea how to talk to boys. I was always encouraged to prioritise school work and grades by my parents and had after-school activities every night and sometimes on weekends. Never had any friends round as I was always doing schoolwork or activities, and didn't really have many friends at school as I was so shy and unconfident.
University was much, much better - have lovely friends from there who I still keep in touch with. I went to a very, very academic university though, and we were told to focus on our degrees. I really enjoyed my degree and did quite a lot other extra-curricular stuff as well, which I also really enjoyed, but there was a lot of pressure put on us from the university to do well.
My current situation is thatI have to move out of the (London) flat I'm in a couple of weeks, as the contract finishes soon. My parents have offered for me to move back home, which is really kind and I do appreciate it. Unfortunately, the town where they live and where I grew up doesn't really have any opportunities at all and I really don't know what I'll do.
I also don't drive, as my eyesight is really bad and I can't read car number plates within the required distance, even though I've been told by opticians (and tested by opticians) to make sure my eyesight is good enough for driving. I feel so frustrated with myself.
My parents are also both fairly elderly (in 70s), and I really don't want to put a strain on them abd they already do so much to help me. I really want them to be in a position where they feel that I'm in a goood, stable position so they don't have to worry about me.
All of my other close relatives are really successful and doing very well, and I feel like such a failure.
Please please help :(
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Please help - very long. Desperate.
93 replies
PamplemousseRouge · 21/07/2017 21:05
OP posts:
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