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AIBU to continue having children? Despite knowing they all would have a life limiting condition.

(254 Posts)
stripedeyesdown Thu 23-Mar-17 14:19:48

I have named changed as i am probably going to get flamed for this.

I am a member of a Facebook group, i have just seen a post & a child of a member of this group has recently died.

It was noted on the message that this is their 3rd child, who has died from the same genetic life limiting condition.

They knowlingly went ahead with the following 2 pregnancies, knowing the children would be severely disabled with little quality of life.

AIBU to think that they have been selfish for a number of reasons, to continue having children knowing that each child would be born with this life limiting condition?

ImFuckingSpartacus Thu 23-Mar-17 14:21:30

I can't see what that could possibly have to do with you.

VestalVirgin Thu 23-Mar-17 14:23:14

I am not sure it is selfish, as it will cause them a lot of pain, too.

A bad decision, sure, but people do make bad decisions about having children all the time. Nothing to be done about it.

melmo26 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:24:01

Agree with Spartacus

None of anyone else's business

PoorYorick Thu 23-Mar-17 14:24:37

I am pro choice, and that means I am pro whichever choice, as long as the woman made it freely.

LouKout Thu 23-Mar-17 14:25:18

stay out of it

Astro55 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:25:34

You have no idea when they found out - or if the chances were limited - maybe they were really unlucky

Anyone with a child born fine - could still either have an accident or catch a disease or find out a genetic condition -

It's their child and a great loss to them and their family - calling it irresponsible isn't going to help anyone - leave the group

SailAwayWithMeHoney Thu 23-Mar-17 14:25:41

What Spartacus said.

ImperialBlether Thu 23-Mar-17 14:26:41

Surely there's no guarantee that each child would have the same illness?

muhajaba Thu 23-Mar-17 14:27:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

ElizaDontlittle Thu 23-Mar-17 14:28:04

Life is not of less value, just because it is shorter.

Universitychallenging Thu 23-Mar-17 14:28:07

None of your business.

Pumple Thu 23-Mar-17 14:29:09

It's just terribly sad, for parents and children, and I don't think the word 'selfish' is helpful in these kinds of situations. They may have been driven by grief. Their loss is unimaginable.

DixieNormas Thu 23-Mar-17 14:29:39

I think this is a shitty thread and putting it in aibu is a shitty thing to do

ImperialBlether Thu 23-Mar-17 14:31:20

I've reported it. Hardly in the spirit of MN, is it?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 23-Mar-17 14:31:31

Are you saying that the couple enter each pregnancy knowing that there is 100% guarantee of the baby having this condition? Or has there been a chance each time (however slim) that the baby would be healthy?

I'm not sure it's the decision I'd make but then again, I don't know the exact situation so it is pretty hard to judge them too harshly.

DixieNormas Thu 23-Mar-17 14:35:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

0dfod Thu 23-Mar-17 14:35:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 23-Mar-17 14:37:45

Did they really know or was there just a chance? And anyway, why is the life of a child with a life-limiting condition of any less value? I have friends whose eldest child died due to Muscular Dystrophy. They had another 3 children who were fine (one of whom tragically died in an accident). Then had twins who it transpired also had MD. They are now both in wheelchairs and I can't imagine the pain they must feel knowing they will outlive two more of their children.

Spikeyball Thu 23-Mar-17 14:39:49

None of your business.

ShuttyTown Thu 23-Mar-17 14:40:17

If they went ahead, knowing for absolute sure that the baby would have this illness then yes I agree it is selfish.

stripedeyesdown Thu 23-Mar-17 14:40:36

The group I am a member of is a travel group, so unrelated to the life limiting condition.

The father has posted daily updates since the child has passed & goes into great detail of their genetic conditions, hence the reason I know that they knew all pregnancies would be affected as the mother is the carrier.

I just understand why you would put yourself through it 3 times, knowing the outcome & seeing how hard all their lives have been.

DixieNormas Thu 23-Mar-17 14:43:10

Well let's hope the family arnt on MN having to watch people judging them at such an awful time

reuset Thu 23-Mar-17 14:45:35

Nice thread, OP

user1484578224 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:45:53

it sounds very sad and in the interest of self preservation I would step away from the group and go outside in the fresh air.

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