I'm sat here shaking. Last night my 14 year old son came into my room to see me as I came to bed. He broke down and said he has been having suicidal thoughts and has even sat on his bed with a knife whilst I've been out. He's said he's felt like it for awhile but hasn't told me as I've been ill.
I'll try not to drip feed and give as much info as possible in the hope someone can advise me of my next step.
He's always had trouble fitting in - he's not sporty and quite 'camp' so has been a target for bullies from an early age. I was very concerned with him starting high school and liaised with the school. He had some problems in the final term of year 7 but that was sorted (I thought).
The problem was, he was then seen by his peers 'as a grass' and since then he has faced a small but persistent campaign of hate against him. He's undermined daily with verbal taunts, never picked for group work, left out of form outings and party invites etc. Although he has one or two friends it's 'uncool' to be seen hanging out with my son so they aren't close.
He told me the latest thing is now they all get in his face and say 'gay' to him every single day. My son has to find somewhere to hide at lunch to avoid them. He has no school people on his social media thank goodness so it's only abuse whilst at school.
I had no clue things were so bad until he broke down last night. He says he has told his head of year but he is also head of PE and the worst bullies are the best sportsmen so nothing has been done.
I can't bear the thought of my son so unhappy but I'm not sure what my next step should be. There is another school he could go to but he gets on the bus that serves both schools and has even been attacked (verbally) by the kids from that school too so he says there is 'no point'.
Obviously I'm contacting the school this morning but I'd be grateful for any advice as to how to handle it? It's not just one or two kids it's his whole class! I'm heartbroken for him and I'd sell my soul to make him happy again.
For info, we have a very settled home life - he is my middle child of three and there are no other issues at play. My kids all get on pretty well although my eldest & youngest are very close so middle one can sometimes feel a bit left out - although I try to make sure he's not upset (usually he's fine and on his computer).
I just can't believe a 14 year old boy is thinking that suicide is his only way forward.
AIBU?
To not know what to do? DS14 told me he's suicidal because of school
CareBearsEveryWhere · 26/01/2017 09:54
I'd keep him off school for now. If it's the whole class then he's never going to get any respite. Is there an alternative school a bit further away (away from people who know him)? Or would home-schooling be an option? I don't know what else to suggest but it's really crap for him and for you. 
Do not send him back to school. He has been really brave telling you what is going on. If you send him with the information you now have it will be very damaging.
for you.
Oh bless his heart. Echoing what others have said, please keep him at home until you can get this resolved. His education isnt the most important thing right now.
I was bullied relentlessly in secondary school and it was a miserable way to live. I hope you get things sorted. Some children are absolutely horrid. Hes opened up to you which is a good sign - a lot of kids wouldnt. He obviously trusts you very much so keep those doors open and make sure he knows none of this is anything to do with him and everything to do with them being prize twats.
for you. Its a awful feeling to know your child is going through this.
Firstly I'm so sorry.
Secondly...get him out of there.
NO school for him at the moment. Just shower him with love which I'm sure you're doing.
Is he actually gay? If he is, then there are multiple gay youth support groups out there....I will PM you if you need more help.
Oh my goodness, that sounds dreadful, OP. I definitely wouldn't be sending him there until you have sorted this out. I hope the school will be supportive.
It brought back memories of my own high school years where everybody in my class used to come up to my face to call me Dull Girl (somebody even made up a song about me) amongst a heap of other stuff. If I hadn't been fobbed off by my teachers and I'd been able to tell my parents (which wasn't ever going to happen), I think I'd have got over it. Can definitely relate to the suicidal feelings.
So, the fact that your DS has confided in you counts for a lot - you must be doing something right as a parent. I think you just need to follow your gut on this one, make sure that your door is always open, and follow your son's lead. And don't give up - if the school doesn't listen, or if the head tries to minimise it, take it to the next level. Your poor boy. for you both.
Oh dear, CareBears, have a hug!
That sounds like a very difficult situation for both of you. And I agree with others that you should keep DS at home until the school takes this matter seriously.
Looking further ahead, if he is to remain in this school, does it have some sort of club where the less macho boys meet up? In my DS’s school it’s the drama club. Even if your DS isn’t into acting, he could help out backstage. The drama club boys all look out for each other and go around together. I think that probably puts the bullies off.
I also know of a gentler boy who found that school life improved when he swapped to a different ‘home’ form group.
Rather unfortunate about the PE teacher head of year. In my DS’s primary school, the HT was also a PE teacher and he much preferred the ‘sporty boy’ bullies, so I can understand your problem there.
Oh CareBears
It's good he was able to tell you this though.
Lots of good advice here I think.
You can talk with school but with DS at home with you? They need to take on board that this is serious and take some significant action to really turn things around. I think I'd be wondering about a fresh start in a new school too.
Can you get some support for you and him to make sure he keeps talking and sharing with you or also with someone else?
I've been here with both dds. Firstly he doesn't return to school. That can take a back seat. Also get an urgent gp appointment and camhs referral from them. Ask about accessing camhs crisis team. You may need to go through a and e or the gp may be able to do it.
Write everything down your son told you, make a note of incidents, names etc. Email school and ask for an urgent meeting. Lodge a formal complaint against the head of year. Keep a paper trail of everything. Ask for the bullying policy of the school. It may be on the schools website. Depending on gp and camhs they may be able to sign him off. This means that all absence is authorised. Firstly he needs space to heal. Then look at alternatives to school - the LA should help. There will be some. Also in the short term get a lockable box for knives, medicines and razors. Also include any supplements with iron. I really feel for you and your son good luck
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