I'm going to a black tie do at the end of the week, it's work related and I've arranged most of it so it's quite a big deal (to me, anyway!)
I have something to wear which is nice, entirely suitable for the occasion but quite plain. I have another dress which is super glam - I tried it on yesterday and it's just slightly too small in that I can do the zip up, but it's just very tight below the bust (empire line) and I'm not sure if it would be uncomfortable if I wore it all night...
So I mentioned this to oh, how I'd like to wear it but it was quite tight (response that I shouldn't wear it as it looks terrible when people squeeze into things that are too small - which I do agree, albeit this is really only too tight in one area).
I said it was a shame, as if my waist - well not quite waist, more underbust area - was half an inch smaller it would fit fine, but I can't really lose that in 7 days. He replies I could, if I did an hour in the gym every day this week.
Which a) I don't think it would make a difference and b) I am so busy with work, and this event, and everything else, I really don't have time to go to the gym for an hour each night.
I get that he was probably solutionising, but it doesn't really help tbh.
For context I should add I'm currently trying to lose weight, by cutting out snacks, eating smaller meals etc. I have lost some weight recently, and was actually pleasantly surprised I could even get this dress done up.
Oh seems to think all my problems can be solved by going to the gym, but I have found the gym only helps with toning and not gaining weight rather than losing...
Sorry, bit of a rambling post! I'm being sensitive aren't I?
You will not see a results from going tk the gym for a week. I'd not eat late in the evening and maybe have slightly smaller portions to let the stomach go down a bit but that will be bloatness going down (if you get it) and not actual fat.
Err, toning will tighten up the area making the dress fit better. He is spot on. Yes you are being over sensitive. You complained to him about a problem and he offered a solution. It's just one you don't want to/can't do. That isn't his fault.
I don't understand why you have such an issue with it. You said you wanted to wear it but it's too tight, he provided you with a solution , which to be fair if you ate cleanly and went to the gym every day it may actually fit or fit better. It clearly wouldn't do any harm. He didn't insult you or say anything outrageous, 🙄
Weight etc are such touchy subjects that I do get really hurt if DH says (what I perceive to be) the wrong thing. So I've learnt with my husband I'm better off leading him to what I want him to say, ie I say "wow, look how amazing, I can fit into this dress isn't it great" so he knows I want some appreciation rather than a considered and what he thinks sensible response. So no I don't think you're being over sensitive and congratulations on beige able to fit in your dress!!!
It's quite difficult to avoid eating late as I won't be home from work til 7 this week, and have things to do at home - plus I can't eat before the gym so it would mean eating at 9pm or something.
When I go to the gym I use treadmill or bike, which he knows, and which improve fitness rather than do much for my shape.
I wasn't really asking for help, I said it was a shame nothing could be done - knowing that exercise wouldn't be guaranteed to make any difference and that I have too much on this week to have time.
I read somewhere about differences between men and women is sometimes women just want to offload and men are all about finding solutions..
This sums up what has happened here.
I think he's right, and you're being overly sensitive.
It you ate really healthily, and did some hard exercise for 3 or 4 days then you would be able to get into the dress by the weekend, I'm sure.
But if you don't want to, then wear the plainer dress and accessorise it up a bit.
I'm also struggling to see what he did wrong to be honest.
I read somewhere about differences between men and women is sometimes women just want to offload and men are all about finding solution...
Dh and I have had many differences of opinion over the years down to this. He's trying to be helpful but not realised it's not what you want.
Ignoring everything I've said above, have you considered specialist underwear? It might be enough to make the dress fit.
Prep your food and take it to work with you. I do that every day, it's completely doable.
Do the military diet for three days!
It's unreasonable to try to fit into a dress in 7 days. What you can do though is get your dress altered in that time. Your husband sounds like a "solution maker" like mine. Sometimes they don't think about what they're saying and just give practical options
Slightly off topic but it makes no difference what time of the day or night you eat, this myth has been debunked.
The only potential issue with eating late is digestion potentially disturbing your sleep, although it doesn't affect everyone in the same way.
I usually don't get to the gym until 7pm at the earliest and eat my evening meal around 9-930. I am up around 5 every morning (long commute). It's doable, although not easy and it requires a bit of planning (meal prep, clothes/ school uniform ready ahead of time, etc.)
I am already eating healthily, as he knows. However any weight I've lost seems to have come off other areas. It's not really a matter of not wanting to exercise, I just really don't have time this week with all my other responsibilities.
Am I the only one who would buy a new dress???
knowing that exercise wouldn't be guaranteed to make any difference and that I have too much on this week to have time.
Not guaranteed, no. But not a definite "that won't work" either. It's Monday, you can still try. Do different equipment at the gym. Speak to a PT. pay for a half hour session every evening to target that zone. Of course treadmill won't touch it!
I read somewhere about differences between men and women is sometimes women just want to offload and men are all about finding solutions.
It's a generalisation but yes to this! Unfortunately (fortunately?) I (female) tend towards the 'problem solver' side of things and have found friends get annoyed with me. It has taken some time for me to realise that not everyone wants a solution to their problems.
I don't think your OH was doing anything wrong - you said you had a problem, he offered a possible solution.
I'm not sure the gym would work though. A body wrap would (I've used one before for exactly this reason) though obviously the results would only be temporary
I agree with Starlight, men try and find solutions and it can grate the women who just want to offload. He wasnt trying to dig at youm he was trying to offer you helpful advice
The dress can't be altered (I actually bought it previously from a friend who it didn't fit) there just isn't enough spare material around the waistband to make it any bigger - that was my first thought when it didn't fit.
Shapewear wouldn't help, it literally is just the part under the bust, ime shapewear tends to push fat up into that area!
I am oversensitive. I was expecting not to do up the zip, but this just feels like so near and yet so far...
I don't see what he done wrong tbh.
Cut carbs completley for a week and you'll lose enough bloat that with a pair of spanx you'll probably be able to it up.
Ok well you've had quite a few suggestions on this thread and are rejecting all of them. (And yes they are workable!) I'm feeling sorry for this guy.
Deathstare What's a body wrap? Do I have to go to a salon or can I do it myself? And how temporary are the results?
Sorry for all the questions!
Get online and order several new frocks, try on in comfort of own home. Do not ask dh for his opinion.
Neither dress will make you happy and if you organised the do you will want to look your most fabulous.
Oh, finally, book a blow dry or up do if you haven't already.
perfectly aware I haven't answered your question but others have already done so
If you really want it to fit you can make it happen. Do the 3 day 'British heart foundation' diet or the cabbage soup diet. TBH it sounds like you are just giving up on it rather than trying to make it happen!
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