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To ask about your relationship with your siblings?

(141 Posts)
anametouse Mon 16-Jan-17 17:19:19

Honestly because I'm trying to decide if i should have another baby (fertility problems so can't leave it to fate, I have the money for another round of IVF which is how DS got here)

People keep saying he should have a sibling, but I don't know anyone who is close to their siblings. I'm an only child and was always happy as one.

How is your relationship with your siblings, were they a vital part of your childhood, do they make you happy?

harderandharder2breathe Mon 16-Jan-17 17:23:08

I have a younger sister (2 year age gap). As children we bickered, a lot of sibling rivalry and jealousy, as teens it got worse due in part to MH issues. As adults we're NC.

Do what YOU and your partner want to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. It's your family, it's your decision. Don't feel pressured into having another because it's "expected".

CigarsofthePharoahs Mon 16-Jan-17 17:24:57

Well I had a pretty bad relationship with my siblings. We aren't close as adults.
Having said that, I have two children and they couldn't be more different to the relationship I had with my siblings. My eldest loves his little brother very much and doesn't resent him for merely existing. They have their moments, but they play together well.
I think my point is that there's no guarantee either way, I don't think it was anything in particular that my parents did or didn't do or in my relationships with my sons.
If you want to try and have another child then do so. It's entirely up to you and your partner. If you're happy with one then stick with one.

Surreyblah Mon 16-Jan-17 17:25:55

People are so rude and have weird ideas about 1DC. Totally up to you and DC1 will be fine either way!

DD1 never asked for a sibling and, though she does love DD2, gets frustrated too, and obviously has to share our time/attention/resources. We know loads of families with one DC.

backtowork2015 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:28:20

I have an older brother, wish I was an only child, he's a thorn in my side

HecateAntaia Mon 16-Jan-17 17:29:59

I was horrible to my little sister when we were kids.
I was a spiteful bully to her. She really had a crappy time because of me and some of the things i did have affected her as an adult. I feel ashamed of my behaviour. i refuse to minimise it.

We connected in our late teens and became drinking buddies and good friends.

Nowadays we are very close and love each other very much. I've always got her back and i know she's got mine. We can tell each other anything.

I'd be devastated if she wasnt in my life.

Introvertedbuthappy Mon 16-Jan-17 17:30:49

I have a brother who is 2.5 years younger. Horrendous sibling rivalry and we are now NC. He is awful. I'm sure he'd say the same of me. Husband is an only child and was very happy.

Misselthwaite Mon 16-Jan-17 17:32:57

I get on well with one sister, OK with another but my brother I barely see. I can't imagine my childhood without them and now my parents are getting on its been good to share the care. My children adore their cousins too and its lovely when we all meet up. Do what suits you though because there are no guarantees. DH is an only and most of the time he does not envy me having siblings.

ohisay Mon 16-Jan-17 17:33:04

I say this kindly, please don't base your decision on having another child on an idea that age will have any baring on their relationship.
The truth of it is there is no way of making siblings close, they either are or they aren't!
I have a sister 15 years older than me and we are as close as can be! Live near by, help each other out, chat etc.
I know many people who had their children close together thinking they'd be close and their house is like a war zone!It really is pot luck in that respect. All that matters is whether it's the right choice for you !

bettybookam Mon 16-Jan-17 17:34:54

There's 6 of us siblings (all close in age)
Growing up we always had eachother, learnt everything from eachother.. We all now are in our 20s and all still very close..
Siblings really are friends for life ecs when our parents won't be here anymore we always have that connection.. Like best friends you don't pick..
I think it's a very special bond xx

Sung Mon 16-Jan-17 17:35:21

All my siblings are 12+ years older than me - there are 6 of us in total - a mix of full step and paternal and maternal half siblings. I only have contact with one (the rest of generally unpleasant) and I adore him (wouldn't dream of letting him know that though).

My husband has one older sister (by 4 yrs). Terrible relationship - really bad - and the effects of it spill out all over the place...but I am firmly of the opinion that this was their parents doing now and DH is starting to see that too. Easy to blame his sister than his parents though...

We've got an only child - one of the main reasons DH stated for this was that having a sibling was a negative thing for him (more so as they got older - think they were ok as kids).

Andro Mon 16-Jan-17 17:38:49

My relationship with the twins is basically none existent - I was sent away when they were born, they've been allowed to be vile to me (including hospitalising me) with impunity and they're spoilt rotten by my mother (my father will not tolerate their bad behaviour). They wrecked any semblance of home life and I loathe them, a sentiment that is entirely mutual.

My 2 love each other, but aside from their address and a chunk of their genetic code have little in common and no shared interests. Nature and nurture both play their parts, but don't have child 'to give dc1 a sibling' - you cannot predict their future relationship.

Strokethefurrywall Mon 16-Jan-17 17:39:20

Please don't have another child just as a sibling to your current child, have another child because you and your DH want to expand your family.

There is NOTHING wrong with being an only child and I say that as the middle of 3 siblings, all of us were incredibly close to each other (Dbro died a few years back). When we lost him, DSis and I leaned on each other a fair amount so we could support our parents together.

A sibling doesn't automatically mean you have a best friend - there are so many factors to consider, personalities, upbringing etc. and there is honestly no way to know how they will get on.

FloatyFlo Mon 16-Jan-17 17:40:38

My two sisters, both slightly younger than me, had their own little club when we were children. I wasn't apart of it and I felt incredibly left out.

Now that we are all grown ups we have a wonderful relationship and it's very equal. We can talk and share things and have each others backs. Each of our partners get on well and we've had many occasions the six of us getting together for drinks/dinner/just to hang out.

I know people where it's the other way round. Good relationships as children but very distant as grown ups. I know some adults who were only children and hated it and others that love it.

Kintan Mon 16-Jan-17 17:41:11

My brother (18 months younger than me) is one of my closest friends. We bickered a bit growing up, but nothing serious. I have friends who get on really well with their siblings and others that don't. So I wouldn't base your decision on anyone else's experience! I will say though that when our mum died, the support we could give each other we couldn't have got from anyone else.

junebirthdaygirl Mon 16-Jan-17 17:41:44

I have a lot of siblings. Big Irish family. We are very close. The amount of support and friendship we have got from one another is brilliant. We all get on well and l really look forward to seeing them. At the moment we are caring for an elderly, ill parent and lm glad l haven't to do it alone.

Tootsiepops Mon 16-Jan-17 17:41:49

I'm struggling with the same decision, op. My one year old daughter is a result of ivf. We have four frozen embryos at our clinic. Money isn't an issue.

I hated pregnancy and the baby stage. I cannot cope with sleeplessness.

We would probably have been ok with an only child, but my mum died last year and I'd already lost my dad and my brother. I feel enormously guilty that as well as having no grandparents, my daughter is also missing an uncle (and so no cousins on my side either).

I didn't really get on with my brother growing up, and we didn't really speak as adults either. But, my best friend and her sister are incredibly close, and I've seen how rewarding a sibling relationship can be.

I do panic that if anything happened to me and my husband, my daughter would be very, very alone.

I'm NC with one of mine but close to the other. My DP is really close to all his siblings.
You have to do what is right for you!

My sis in law is dealing with bad health of parents at the moment and she has no siblings to take some of the strain. I think she would have preferred a sibling but it's each to their own choices

Lindorballs Mon 16-Jan-17 17:42:16

I have two siblings close in age to me (I'm the oldest). I'm very close to my sister. We speak regularly and message most days. My brother less so although more lately with various social media. I don't see him that often. I sometimes feel we're from slightly different generations although he's only a few years younger than me. Don't get on badly though. I like that there's 3 of us. If it was just me and my bro I think we'd have grown very distant. won't be having 3 myself though (for selfish personal and financial reasons!)

gluteustothemaximus Mon 16-Jan-17 17:44:05

Nothing wrong with being an only child. Only have another if you both want another, not for a sibling.

I am NC with my siblings. It didn't stop me having 3 children, because we wanted 3 children.

Although, I hope they will get on as adults.

Thebookswereherfriends Mon 16-Jan-17 17:45:39

One older brother, just under 2yrs older. Really didn't get on generally when we were kids - the odd game here and there where I was allowed to join in. He was quite damaging to my self-esteem as he often put me down.
Despite that, as adults we actually get on very well, distance once he went to uni helped and then just generally maturing - he was much nicer once he got a girlfriend. I'm very glad I have him as we had a tough year last year with my dad and he did a lot of the financial stuff.
I always thought I would have 2 children - now have a 4 yr old and although I think about it quite a lot I don't have an overriding desire for another child, so haven't, even though I think my child would totally adore a sibling. You should have another child because you want one - not because other people think you should have one.

Happyinthehills Mon 16-Jan-17 17:45:43

I have a Sis she is not and never has been a DSis

dollydaydream114 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:46:43

I have two siblings who are 10 and 7 years older than I am. I love them dearly and I think I was glad they were there when I was very young, but from the age of about 8 upwards I would probably have been equally happy to be an only child. I was absolutely delighted when they both left home, which sounds mean but everything was just easier and more chilled when they'd gone.

My sister was a stroppy, difficult teenager who was often the cause of family rows, and my brother was quite obnoxious to me - not constantly, but often enough to upset me a lot and make me very self-conscious (in a way that had a lasting effect on me, if I'm being honest).

I only really started to get on OK with him when he left home; I was 12 at that point.

I get on well enough with them both now we're adults - we can have a nice family meal with my parents or whatever and it's all fine and we have a good laugh. We have plenty of interests in common. But I don't see them very often and I doubt we'd get on as well if we spent a lot of time together.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 16-Jan-17 17:47:41

There's no guarantee siblings will get on I suppose. I do remember things like holidays, days out or visiting relations were more fun with my siblings.
Of course it's fine whatever you decide. Please don't feel guilty for having an only child, it has its advantages too.

KellyBoo800 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:47:46

I have 2 brothers - one is a year older and one is a year younger. They are my best friends.

My older brother is a bit of a dick sometimes but I wouldn't be without him. My younger brother is one of the most wonderful people I know. We had very normal squabbles as kids, and throughout our teenage years. We are all very different people BUT I feel a bit like we are 3 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and we form a unit.

I am so glad to have them.

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