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Thanks DH...thanks a lot

(85 Posts)
ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 13-Jan-17 16:52:09

So DH gets in from work (I've been at home with DS all day). I say I'd better go and get tea on for DH. My dad is here so I was just feeling a bit bad for trailing off to the kitchen when he's come here to see me and DS.

I'm dilly-dallying/talking etc and DH suddenly says "go on, get yourself in the kitchen". I feel really embarrassed that he said it, especially in front of my dad. I called him a knob and walked off.

I know he's been at work all day. I do all the cooking, and I'm fine with it. Just maybe don't talk to me like you bloody well own me.

Sorry, just need to rant. angry

Trifleorbust Fri 13-Jan-17 16:54:52

Was it said ironically?

Trifleorbust Fri 13-Jan-17 16:55:51

And I certainly don't think you should automatically do all the cooking confused

He works in the day. You look after your child all day. That is work too.

TheNaze73 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:56:11

Sounds like an ironic comment.

AllTheBabies Fri 13-Jan-17 16:56:25

Yep, bad move there DH. You've been looking after your son all day, not doing nothing!

It's Friday night and he's not exactly home late, surely he could cook his own dinner!

PickledCauliflower Fri 13-Jan-17 16:56:42

If he said it as a joke, I would still be annoyed that he said it in front of my dad.
If he said it, not joking, I would go on strike. Forever.

Guavaf1sh Fri 13-Jan-17 16:57:24

He might have said it because you were dilly dallying - it sounds like a joke

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Fri 13-Jan-17 16:57:54

I'd call him a knob too.

harderandharder2breathe Fri 13-Jan-17 16:58:15

Dilly dallying is annoying

Sounds like he needs to do some cooking though. It does make sense for the at home one to do the majority but there are times when that's not the case

dollydaydream114 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:58:29

Did he say it seriously? Or was it just a shit joke?

Basically, is he actually a male chauvinist arsehole, or was he just parodying one in an attempt to be funny?

The former is unforgiveable, the latter is more just a case of misjudging things, I think.

montezumasrevenge Fri 13-Jan-17 16:59:05

Spit in his dinner wink

OneWithTheForce Fri 13-Jan-17 16:59:19

Sorry, what??

He gets in from work and expects you to trot off to the kitchen immediately despite having a guest in?

How the fuck did you end up in a dynamic where this happened? You've clearly been doing it for him to expect it and think it's ok to command you to do it on his schedule!

Maybe time to practise your "fuck off and cook your own bastard tea" look.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 13-Jan-17 17:00:27

He's always home early on Fridays. We split chores like this (always have done). He'd prefer not to cook and I'd prefer not to do the recycling/bins, so that's how we split it. It suits me down to the ground (no traipsing round with bin bags) and he's also happy with the arrangement.

I'm not complaining about the cooking, but I would never order him round by telling him to get in the kitchen and change the bin. If it was a joke it was a shit joke. What husband tells their wife to get in the kitchen nowadays? Have a bit of sensitivity to the issue!

Argh, sorry, i know I'm whinging. Cooking...and whinging (onions are softly frying as we speak. ha)

OneWithTheForce Fri 13-Jan-17 17:02:32

So you actually obeyed! hmm

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 13-Jan-17 17:03:39

He's never been misogynistic, but he knows how strongly I feel about misogyny, and how I don't find jokes about it very funny. My dad knows what his sense of humour is like, so I don't think he will be embarrassed. I just thought it was a crap joke at my expense, because it's not like he was joking to the extent that he is now in here cooking with me. So, I don't know. I just don't like being told what to do.

All the cooking is not a fair exchange for putting the bins out.

So you do 7 dinners and presumably lunches at the weekend, so 9 jobs that take average half an hour each, and he puts the binds/recycling which take 15mins max per week.

I think you need to look st your labour division m.

Trifleorbust Fri 13-Jan-17 17:05:50

Maybe time to practise your "fuck off and cook your own bastard tea" look.

grin

Trifleorbust Fri 13-Jan-17 17:07:36

I don't generally put the bins out - my DH usually does it. But I wouldn't cook every meal as a swap for the bins! Not a fair distribution of work at all.

MissHemsworth Fri 13-Jan-17 17:07:44

Was he joking, but actually NOT joking?

Cooking takes at least half an hour EVER DAY. Bins/recycling takes minutes, a couple of times a week. Not a fair exchange! I hope you've got a big glass of wine on hand whilst you cook!

MorrisZapp Fri 13-Jan-17 17:08:01

Unless you run some kind of waste facility, bins and recycling are probably what, a tenth as onerous as cooking?

I hear this all the time on here. Oh I don't mind doing all the cooking, he cuts the grass etc. Each to their own but in my next life I hope I get to be a husband.

Araminta99 Fri 13-Jan-17 17:08:34

Doing the bins vs doing all the cooking... you cannot be serious. That's completely unfair. I think you made it worse by actually obeying his command... why didn't you tell him to cook it himself rather than complaining on here? Why don't you communicate with your husband? Complain to HIM!

AllTheBabies Fri 13-Jan-17 17:08:51

Cooking every night is quadruple the work of putting the bins out! He definitely got the good end of that deal.

pregnantat50 Fri 13-Jan-17 17:10:50

tell him "off you go outside and clean the car" or something similar...

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 13-Jan-17 17:11:20

I've never thought about that way. I just feel like I've got the better or at least fair deal because I despise putting the bins out.

But yes, I cook all of the meals (apart from the odd one or two if I am not in). I do all dinners and 4 lots of lunches for DS (2 for DH also).

He used to do a lot more washing up than me but I do a lot of that now because it just builds up and I can't stand it.

I will be asking him later whether he meant it as a joke or not, and how I don't appreciate it either way. Also I think we do need to look at the division of labour again.

He is usually lovely and only yesterday was saying what a good mum I am to our son, and how he's so grateful for everything I do. I also always tell him I appreciate him. We don't normally have any problems in this area. I think in hindsight it was an ill-judged joke on his part.

InfoFreako Fri 13-Jan-17 17:13:21

Didn't you recognise all these behaviours about him before you married - or did they start only after you got hitched?

Cheers.

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