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To think this was a weird question, and a bit racist?

(102 Posts)
Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:37:38

Mil lives in a city, I live in a small village with nearest city a good 60miles away.

We were visiting and we were watching citizen kahn, my ds thinks it's hillarious!

Mil sat next to me and asked if we had any of them near us, gesturing to the telly. I kind of looked at her, knowing what she meant and just played dumb saying any of who? She tutted and changed subject.

It has made me think that maybe she's racist? It's made me dislike her a bit more but am i over thinking it? Why ask such a random question, and does it really matter?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Thu 22-Dec-16 11:41:31

I've not seen Citizen Kahn, what's it about?

I'm guessing some kind of forriner?

SquirmOfEels Thu 22-Dec-16 11:43:19

I'd see it just as an enquiry.

I live in a highly diverse city, but in practice there are different communities in different areas. And I happen not to be particularly near areas with a community that matches that of Sparkhill.

So I'd simply say 'no'. Straightforward descriptive answer.

bibbitybobbityyhat Thu 22-Dec-16 11:44:57

Yes, use of the phrase "any of them" is racist.

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:45:26

It's a comedy about a muslim family living in uk.

Thanks I couldn't work out where she was going with it, and why mattered.

KathArtic Thu 22-Dec-16 11:45:49

She probably is racist but is from THAT generation.

Kel1234 Thu 22-Dec-16 11:46:08

I think that programme is hilarious. However I do think it's wrong to refer to anyone - regardless of race or ethnic background as "any of them". Does it matter if you do or you don't?

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:46:14

That's what I thought bibbity the use of that phrase made me uncomfortable.

MissDreanor90 Thu 22-Dec-16 11:46:23

I don't see it as racist, just a question ?

I think your attitude is rude, you should have just asked what she meant! Not play dumb hmm

Wonderflonium Thu 22-Dec-16 11:46:26

Yeah, a bit racist but not beyond rehabilitation. You handled it beautifully, by the way.

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:47:20

Exactly kel why does it matter who lives in my village or area?
She's 70, so from that generation

CockacidalManiac Thu 22-Dec-16 11:47:35

Yeah, pretty racist. Unless by 'them' she meant brummies.

PavlovianLunge Thu 22-Dec-16 11:47:47

You might well be right, and it's an weird thing to say, but I'd have thought that if she was racist, she'd have said plenty of other things over the years to have confirmed your suspicions.

ghostyslovesheets Thu 22-Dec-16 11:47:57

'Any of them' smacks of racism to me - and age has nowt to do with it my mum is 70 and not racist in the slightest

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:48:27

I wasn't expecting the question miss and thought it was a bit rude to ask it

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:49:39

Fil has pav but in that subtle, generational way were there's no hate involved.

PavlovianLunge Thu 22-Dec-16 11:50:31

On reflection, the use of 'them' does have a whiff of racism about it, it's very othering.

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Dec-16 11:51:39

Course she was racist.

I wouldn't have played dumb.

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:51:51

Yes ghosty age shouldn't be an excuse.
They do they same about gay/lesbian too. You know not hate, bit they'll let you know if someone, such as their friend's dd who I've mever met, is gay. Which I don't really need to know

Nameforsaken Thu 22-Dec-16 11:52:45

I don't like confrontation navy I wanted to switch subject as I didn't want to answer her question

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Dec-16 12:00:21

I know confrontation isn't always nice but that's why some people think they can comment like this because they think people won't pull them up on it.

dollydaydream114 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:03:25

Yes, I think there's a pretty clear subtext in 'any of them' and also in her refusal to elaborate when you asked her what she meant.

While I do get that there can be a generational aspect to remarks like that, I don't think people should use it as an excuse. My parents are in their 70s and they wouldn't dream of asking a question like that - certainly not in that way, anyway.

SapphireStrange Thu 22-Dec-16 12:05:10

It was clearly a racist question. And she clearly didn't want to expand on what she meant by 'them' because she knew that what she would have said would have got a negative response from the OP.

Generation is not an excuse, either.

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Dec-16 12:06:25

FIL and stepMIL are like this. Well they were. They know not to talk in that way in front of me. It's taken 20 odd years mind but they've finally got the message that we won't have it in our house.

hoddtastic Thu 22-Dec-16 12:10:16

they/them is usually used perjoratively - it's seldom neutral.

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