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to not give my online banking details to my OH?

(96 Posts)
marlfox Sat 08-Oct-16 09:19:07

We got in (another) fight last night, and this time he told me that he wants access to all my bank accounts and wants to know every penny that comes in and out of them. I told him that I think that's really controlling and I won't do it. He came at me across the room and made to hit me with the tv remote (he didn't actually hit me). AIBU to stand my ground on this?

Longdistance Sat 08-Oct-16 09:21:32

You've got bigger problems than him wanting your bank card details. He's being abusive.


Soubriquet Sat 08-Oct-16 09:21:58

Do not give him anything

ayeokthen Sat 08-Oct-16 09:23:07

Not if that's his attitude! To be honest I'm more worried about the aggression he showed you, you know that's not normal eh? DP and I have each other's online banking details, but that's only so we can move money if needed, pay bills, order groceries/stuff for the kids without a faff if he's working away. Why does your DP need to know every penny? It sounds like he's making you justify yourself. The aggression really isn't normal, it's awful.

NewlySkinnyMe Sat 08-Oct-16 09:23:52

Yes. Stand your ground.

Also, stand your ground against his attempts to intimidate you with his aggressive behaviour.

BigChocFrenzy Sat 08-Oct-16 09:25:18

Do NOT give any financial details to him !!
He is abusive.
He is on the verge of physical abuse and is escalating

I rarely say this, but LTB

He wants financial control over you, so he can control you completely.
Your life will become much worse.
You'll end up sooner or later having to LTB. He wants to make this as difficult as possible for you.

Hassled Sat 08-Oct-16 09:26:39

He wants to remove any independence you have, doesn't he? The fact you have income/money he doesn't have access to is a real problem for him - and it's probably less about the money and more about the fact he can't control it. I agree you have bigger problems than this.

limon Sat 08-Oct-16 09:26:40

Run. And never look back. This won't get any better.

Allthewaves Sat 08-Oct-16 09:27:01

Er he made to hit you and your questioning bank accounts!

AyeAmarok Sat 08-Oct-16 09:27:42

I think the online banking is the least of your worries.

Sounds like you would be better apart.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst Sat 08-Oct-16 09:28:25

Get rid of him, or leave yourself. This isn't good.

ilovesooty Sat 08-Oct-16 09:29:50

And you're going to hang around and let his violence escalate?

Fuck that.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 08-Oct-16 09:30:08

No no no, that is abusive and controlling.

CatThiefKeith Sat 08-Oct-16 09:30:53

Once he has control of your money it will be very difficult for you to leave him, which of course is what he wants.

Dh and I are married and we still don't have access to each other's
Personal accounts (we have a joint one that the bills come out of)

c3pu Sat 08-Oct-16 09:33:38

Leave him now, while you still have the chance. This is the thin end of a very thick wedge.

nicebitofsodaandjam Sat 08-Oct-16 09:41:01

Get the fuck out now while you still can! Seriously, I left a partner who was showing the early signs of abuse (NOTHING like threatening physical violence and wanting control of my money, just putting me down, picking fights, refusing to interact with my friends thus isolating me, guilting me into sex) EVERY TIME I hear some of the awful stories on here I think 'god I wish you'd left when you could'. To demand control over your finances (why? What does he even pretend is his 'reason'?) is outrageous; to physically threaten and intimidate you is beyond the pale, unacceptable, deal breaker. Get gone.

ConvincingLiar Sat 08-Oct-16 09:47:31


rollonthesummer Sat 08-Oct-16 09:49:06

That's abuse. Why does he even claim he needs to know this information?

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Oct-16 09:49:57

He's literally trying to mug you, isn't he? "Give me your bank details or else I'll hit you..." There's no difference between that and a man saying it on the street.

phillipp Sat 08-Oct-16 09:50:29

No, do not give an abusive man you bank details. What you should be doing, is leaving

HelloSunshines Sat 08-Oct-16 09:50:33

That's not normal. It won't go away either.

BabyGanoush Sat 08-Oct-16 09:50:41

Seriously? He made to hit you and you are still with him?

I really don't understand anyone putting up with that

PacificOcean Sat 08-Oct-16 09:50:52

Please leave him OP sad

marlfox Sat 08-Oct-16 09:53:11

We've been married 15 months, and have a 2 year old. I own the house we live in and if we break up he will have nowhere to go. We've talked about his anger so many times, and he's promised to get counselling, which hasn't materialized, and got put on anti-depressants, which I don't think he's taking.
It's not the first time he's made to hit me. His thing is always "I've never laid a finger on you."

acasualobserver Sat 08-Oct-16 09:53:55

I don't think this is about standing your ground ... more like calling it a day.

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