to ask for your lighthearted putting your foot in it moments

[Chocoholicmonster]

I'm forever putting my foot in it completely intentionally. My brain just fails to engage before my mouth half the time. I could add a long list here but I'll share my, by far, most embarrassing 'foot-in-mouth' moment.

In my old job (close knit village shop) someone came in complaining how cold they were. To which I replied 'Oh, you need to be spit roasted' - which was met by such awkwardness & then I realised exactly what I'd said. For some reason before saying it out loud I'd only conjured up images of being twisted round a log fire. Cosy & warm.... Also found trying to explain yourself just makes it all so much worse!

Anyone else got a funny or embarrassing mouth-before-brain moment?

[Chocoholicmonster]

Completely unintentionally **

[ANiceSliceOfCake]

Going round to my friends new house, her mum was showing me round while friend put the kettle on. I said 'the lounge will be nice once that horrid wallpaper has gone', yep, she'd put up the lovely huge bright flowery wallpaper the day before luckily her mum agreed!

[Fauchelevent]

I may have entirely unintentionally spoiled the ending of the most recent season of orange is the new black. If you've seen it, it's quite dramatic and it was a big spoiler. We were playing "who would be which character" and offhand i made a comment which spoiled the ending for two people i know hadn't seen it. I couldn't apologise enough!

[ollieplimsoles]

I was sitting with my friends in the empty (so I thought) computer lab at school one morning and I started talking loudly about a girl I did like but she was mildly annoying me. She kept following me a lot and trying to copy things I did.

After a huge rant I noticed she was sitting right across the room behind a computer and had heard the whole thing. I felt awful!

[Lara2]

Child in my class had told me that mummy was having another baby - this was number 7 I think. I'd taught all the older siblings - known the family a long time. At the end of the day Dad comes to collect child, I say "I hear congratulations are in order - time for the chop Mr X?" Oh my fucking God - WHAT possessed me??!!!!! Luckily, he was really nice as I made a mess of apologising and just laughed.'

[SistersOfPercy]

My mother (80) chatting to equally elderly neighbour....

NDN - of course with my condition you can't expect to live much past 70

Mother - oh, how old are you now then?

I winced.

[Whitelisbon]

A friends brother had died, and he was a bit of a freeloader. They had collected the ashes that morning, and were having a mini wake at hers before scattering them.
Big mouth me consoled my very upset friend by saying "at least (brother) won't eat and drink everything this time".
Luckily she saw the funny side, or it could well have been the end of the friendship!

[ElectricMelon]

Got friendly with a member of management and he invited me for a night out in his town. He lived with his parents who were on holiday. I was looking around his living room and asked him why his mum and dad had so many photos of his sister and not a lot of anyone else and jokingly asked if she was the favourite and he replied 'no she was killed in a car crash last year'. I only thought he had one sister and assumed it was her in the photos. I felt awful!

[JustHereForThePooStories]

My SIL's mother had just died. Bereft SIL was crying on my shoulder talking about how sick her mother had been- liver failure, she's lost her sight, ended up on kidney dialysis.

I helpfully asked "is she an organ donor?"

[UnGoogleable]

I once worked with a lady who I assumed was in her 50s. She had white hair, which I guess could have made her look older than she was.

One day, she turned up with a 4 year old. I said "Awwww, is this your Granddaughter?"

Yep. You guessed it. She said "No, it's my daughter". I wanted to die. Absolutely no way of talking myself out of that hole. I just apologized profusely.

[DimsieMaitland]

The second time I met DH's DF and his DW we'd been to a friend's wedding. I was at uni with the friend and mentioned her new DH had also been there at the same time - they assumed they'd been together back then and I launched into this tale of how lovely friend had been with a complete dick who was a hell of a lot older than her, and that I thought big age gaps were creepy (this was in the context of a teen going out with a man 20 years her senior) and that I was glad she'd now met her DH.

On the way home it suddenly occurred to me that FIL is actually about 25 years older than his DW.

They have never mentioned it, ever. I still cringe a bit when I think about it.

[WankingMonkey]

During a houseparty when I was maybe about 17..everyone was rather merry and having fun. A friend arrived with a face like thunder. I (rather drunkenly) said loudly 'cheer the fuck up, its a party, you look like someone has died'

Yes, you guessed it. Facepalm moment.

Luckily she did see the funny side eventually and it was only her hamster that had died. But still. I wanted the ground to eat me. Never said anything even remotely close to that ever since...can't imagine how bad I would have felt if it had been any worse than a hamster...

[Oldandfallingtobits]

I was at an Ann Summers party, no idea why, but suggestions for girls names came up, we were all suggesting names, someone suggested Nieve, I threw myself on the floor, pretended to throw up, rolled about in pain, showing my totally hatred of the name, before the woman, who I had never met betore, said that's my daughters name, I picked myself up, sat on the chair and said ... What a lovely name.... AWKWARD

[maisiejones]

Not me but my dad. Had a new neighbour who had only one arm. DF saw him putting up some outside Christmas lights and went over to ask if he wanted a hand.

[FeelingSmurfy]

My friends grandad had died, he had been in the navy and wanted to be buried at sea. She was explaining to me and two other friends that the family were all going to do this and say goodbye to him at the weekend, one friend was quiet for a moment and then said, with a dreamy look on her face "well the water we drink and the water in the oceans are all the same really, so one day you could drink some water and your grandad will be inside you" she sort of snapped out of it then and could see the looks on our faces "well I just mean like he will be a part of you again..."

I'm still rather creeped out by that one, she was trying to be comforting but that is just about the worst thing you could possibly say in that situation and I'm kind of that her mind would come up with that!

[LetitiaCropleysCookbook]

I'm always doing this.

Talked about 'Hooray Henrys' to a friend who has a son called Henry.

Said to a friend in conversation " Oh, you know the type - Mr. and Mrs. Double-Barreled......" , then remembered that her surname is double-barreled. (I know, serves me right for stereotyping!)

For some reason, probably nerves, went on and on to ds's gf's Mum about the coincidence that we were in a cafe named after the proprietors, which was same surname as gf. "Haha, are you sure they're not related to you?" I knew that gf's parents had divorced acrimoniously, and the Mum had remarried years ago.

Strange, have just noticed all mine so far are to do with names.

[R2G]

Went to the doctors. He said 'were going to need to inspect you internally.. I'll just excuse myself for a moment... '

I took this as my cue to take my pants off and sit on the bed.
He had just gone to get the nurses appointment book for me to come back when she was present with him. He excused himself again so I could put my pants back on and check my diary!

[EttaJ]

I asked a friends mum if she was looking forward to her SURPRISE birthday party. in front of the entire family. Still cringe remembering it. The look on all their faces.

[Chocoholicmonster]

Haha 😆 These are brilliant! So glad I'm not the only one to do this! These have cheered me up as I lay on the sofa at 3am unable to sleep.

I'll add another... I once made small talk (shudder - everyone hates it I know but it came somewhat hand in hand with said job) with someone who was covering their mouth as they spoke. Asked her if she'd been to the dentist. Turns out she'd had a stroke.... Thankfully she made a full recovery & saw the funny side.

[pilotswife]

A seniocolleague invited me to afternoon tea and to view her newly renovated house as I was contemplating renovating using the same builder. Her decor was really not my taste and by the time we got to the bathroom I was struggling to find the right words. The bathroom was very tizzy and had hideous floral tiles but had the most enormous plate glass window running the length of the bath which looked on to her very beautiful garden. I could see a rustic bench with the most divine rustic scarecrow propped on an angle - much more me - so enthusiastically I launched into ....what a divine scarecrow you have ....
As she peered through her glasses the scarecrow moved and lumbered through the kitchen door to join us for coffee. It was her husband !

[thehugemanatee]

In a large meeting with Very Important People, a number of whom were from the Middle East (yes this is relevant), I was asked to clarify that something in a document was a typo. I tried to say 'that was a typing error' while I was also thinking of the words 'typing mistake' in my head, and the sentence came out as 'that was a terrorist'.

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

I work I retail and a colleague of mine was once serving a woman roughly in her 40's shopping with a male I'd guess was about 18. My colleague asked, "How old is your son?"

To which she replied, "He's my boyfriend."

[SabineUndine]

A colleague of mine was sitting at work one Monday morning when a new member of staff walked in. 'Bloody hell, says the newbie. 'What a miserable face! What's your problem?'

'My mum died last week?' says the colleague.

[biggles50]

My brother was a supermarket manager, a customer wanted to see him to complain about something. Brother bounces up "yes sir what's the problem? "
Customer says "how dare you, it's madam! "

[LetitiaCropleysCookbook]

pilotswife

These are all making me smile!