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7 year age gap, or no 2nd child?

(63 Posts)
Blingtastic16 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:51:11

Of course, I don't know if/when I'll conceive. However, didn't have any problems making DS! He is now 6. He'll be 7 by the time a new child came along (minimum) and when he starts secondary, they'll be starting primary...

We have a great bond. I've always wanted 2/3 children. I think having a 3rd won't happen. I'm 36. I've always been keen on a bigger age gap, so we decided to leave it, but when DS started school, we were just so happy, we didn't feel like we were missing something, or even fancied having a second child (I know that sounds like an awful term!) we had planned 4 years.

Now he has gone into Yr 2, I just feel ready, DH feels ready. We have an extra room (not that I would have minded them sharing, but because it's a biggish gap, I would want DS to lose something he has) and stable jobs, etc.

Is 7 years too much of a gap?

Solina Thu 22-Sep-16 18:54:00

Fwiw my sister is 6 years older than me and we are very close and were when we were younger so I dont think it will be too big of an age gap smile

Wheelerdeeler Thu 22-Sep-16 18:54:05

There is no right or wrong answer

Marmite27 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:54:07

There's 7 years between me and my sib. No issues from us, parents said it was difficult on days out at times as one was soft play age and one lazer quest age.

Plus we had one going to uni and one going to secondary in the same year.

We've both just had babies in the same year, so hopefully the cousins will be close!

steppedonlego Thu 22-Sep-16 18:55:28

I would say definately not. My sister has that age gap between her two and with money concerns, all being well there will be a similar age gap when I have a second with me. My sisters age gap worked out beautifully. I'm sure some will tell you it's too much, but it can definately work out well too

Cinnamon2013 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:56:03

Nope! Go for it. Me and my sibling have this gap. She cared for me and looked after me when we were little, now, as adults, we're equal. We've never had that super-close relationship but it's respectful and kind and there was never any jealousy as we were at such different life stages.

Blingtastic16 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:58:46

Ooo, very positive! Yeah, I did think about days out, but I suppose you kind of just find places that could suit both. Then possibly just do something with older/younger child when possible.

Thank you! smile

NapQueen Thu 22-Sep-16 18:59:09

I was seven when my sister came along.

Aged 7-13:- great! I helped with the baby, she was easy to bring along places, and my parents never made me watch her etc.

Aged 13-17:- challenging. We were so so very different. We were never forced to play together etc but I would be grumpy teen wanting to lie in and she would be in the bathroom next door singing away at 7am.

We spent a bit of time apart whilst I was at uni/worked away a few years after. On my return:- got on fab. Still do.

I am 31 and she is 24 and we genuinely love spending time together. Our differences; whilst still apparent; are good now. And we have a lot more in common than I thought we would.

She comes to me for advice and straight talking, and she is a fun aunt to my kids.

pastizzi Thu 22-Sep-16 18:59:25

There's just as much chance that children much closer in age won't get on, either as children or adults.

Seven years is really not too big an age gap at all. Honestly.

MrsDc7 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:59:45

There's less than 2 years between mine and THAT is really hard work. 7 years is a fine age gap (10 between me and Dsis). You'll find your child is a great helper xx

SheldonsSpot Thu 22-Sep-16 19:02:48

There's no right or wrong answer but for me, having seen a friend who has children with a similar age gap and how it worked, it was a no.

When the eldest hits their teens and is really not interested in an annoying 7-10 year old, then they're off to uni so you've got an only child again, then you've got an adult who has left uni and a teen, it's like having two separate 'only' children.

ticketstub Thu 22-Sep-16 19:03:42

There's 10 years between me and my sister . I cared for her like a parent when we were kids but we are very close since she hit her 20s and we still have another 50+ years together so the age gap no longer matters - we have the same parents, background and memories.

Millipedewithherfeetup Thu 22-Sep-16 19:04:32

8 years between me and my sister, tbh i cant really remember playing with her much when i was young, she left home when she was 16 to work away, we became very good friends when i was around 23/24, so as adults its been fine as age gap but not when we were young.

LuchiMangsho Thu 22-Sep-16 19:07:56

I wanted a 3 year gap. I'm going to have a 5 year gap if this pregnancy goes to term. I think it's absolutely fine. DH and his brother have a 6 year gap. They are very close as adults. They fought like cats and dogs as kids and then made up immediately, and fought again. DS's classmate has a brother who is 9 years older and they are so sweet together. He came for his brother's first day of school and he tells his brother stuff he doesn't tell his Mum. I think it depends on the kids and their personalities rather than their age gaps.

For complex reasons, my sister and I are 15 years apart. We're very close as adults although as kids she was a third parent.

FlightofFancy Thu 22-Sep-16 19:08:29

I've got a 6 year gap between my two and it's great. They adore each other, I can leave them unattended together, DS is at school so I still got to do the lazy maternity leave coffee and baby groups etc, now I'm back at work I'm only paying one lot of nursery fees.
Sure there will be some issues when they're older, but all good so far!

Jimbob1 Thu 22-Sep-16 19:09:44

2 years between older sister and I, we do not get on as she is selfish and childish.
Younger sister is 6 years junior and we get on really well. Go for it!

user1471421772 Thu 22-Sep-16 19:12:08

My two have 7 years between them - it's lovely - my eldest is so caring with his baby brother, loves picking him up and cuddling him, encouraging him to crawl etc. 7 is also pretty self sufficient and doesn't get jealous (husband and I make sure he gets lots of 1-1 time; baby gets this with me whilst eldest is in school).
Age difference is no guarantee of success, but I love this gap - my eldest has developed a maturer, more empathetic side of himself and his baby brother loves the bones of him - his first laughing fit was for his big brother. If baby is ever really upset he just needs to hear his big brother saying 'it's ok, I love you, we all love you!'
For what it's worth there are 2 years between my brother and I (the so-called 'ideal gap' and we cant stand each other) - it really is up to you.

DerekSprechenZeDick Thu 22-Sep-16 19:14:14

I'm having a second and my son will be 7 in November

He's excited as shit about it. - little younger he would be jealous and little older he wouldn't give a shitegrin

I'm hoping it works out.

There's 21 years between me and youngest sibling though and I'm quite fond of him. He's alright for a 5 year old

user1471421772 Thu 22-Sep-16 19:15:40

I was worried that having had both of us for 7 years to himself he would feel like he was 'losing' something - in fact he feels like he's gained lots. His teacher apparently asked what he likes best about being a big brother and he said 'having someone else in my family to love's.

Losingtheplod Thu 22-Sep-16 19:31:35

You can never predict how they will get on, or not. They key thing is that you and your DH want another one, so go for it! I really can't see why you wouldn't!

DisneyMillie Thu 22-Sep-16 19:43:50

I've just had a baby at 36 and my dd is nearly 7. All seems ok so far - dd adores her and is really helpful which makes it much easier than a small age gap. It's a shame she didn't have anyone closer in age to play with but I'm glad she has a sibling for later in life

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo Thu 22-Sep-16 19:49:53

It was too big a gap for us so we stopped trying for a 2nd when the potential gap started to get too big. I'm 8 years older than my sibling and we get on well but aren't especially close and I found having such a younger sibling when I was a teenager a real drag if I'm brutally honest. SIL has a similar gap between her two and 2nd child was v much secondary to the 1st child's interests when they were younger and now the eldest is a teen they struggle to find things they all like doing together as a family.

JellyWitch Thu 22-Sep-16 19:52:46

My two are 5 years apart and I wouldn't have wanted them any closer with hindsight. They adore one another and it has to some extent like having another only because we get 1-1 during the school day and can do things focused on the smallest unimpeded. Likewise the big one gets 1-1 doing different things. It's great.

scoobyloobyloo Thu 22-Sep-16 19:54:11

I have a 9 year old and a 12 week old. It's brilliant. The 9 yo takes care of herself and enjoys hanging out with me and the baby.

Would I rather have a 2 year age gap? No way! I saw all my friends struggle with this and although there are lots of benefits, I feel like I get to give dd2 almost as much time and energy as I did dd1.

It wasn't a choice (infertility) but I am very happy with how it's worked out.

Good luck whatever your decision.

chocolateworshipper Thu 22-Sep-16 20:23:12

There is no perfect age gap. I (for some bizarre reason) thought that 3 years would be a fabulous age gap, but my two fight like cat and dog! The only age gap that I have seen to cause an issue for a few people, is when a baby is born and the eldest is around 15 / 16. I've seen it cause problems for a few teens, but even this is far from conclusive proof that it is a "bad" age gap.

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