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AIBU?

To be worried about Father Christmas?

81 replies

CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 16:23

DD is 9 and a fervent Father Christmas believer. We've typically gone to town on the whole thing, having the Christmas Elf (on the shelf) and his friend thing over the Advent period (which is in itself totally exhausting but fun). DD recently stated that she "doesn't believe in God but she believes in Father Christmas & if there is a God, then he pretty much is Santa". We aren't particularly religious and I made no comment at the time. However I am now stressing about the inevitable- she is bound to find out soon & I know she is going to be absolutely devastated. I suppose I'm also worried that she will be angry at me too. I know it's early in the autumn term but I'm already worrying. Do I need to get a grip?!! Should I bury my head in the sand or address this in some way?? So worried about how upset she is going to be ideally I'd like to take control of this but I don't know how - and yes, I know I've got myself into this situation and only have myself to blame!

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ToxicLadybird · 15/09/2016 16:25

What is she bound to find out soon?

CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 16:28

Aaah toxic that's made me feel better lol (sorry btw, get off this thread now!!)

OP posts:

MissKatieVictoria · 15/09/2016 16:29

Honestly, I'd tell her first if i were you. If she mentions it to people at school (who by age 9 almost all certainly know santa is not real) she may well get laughed at and teased for still believing.

2014newme · 15/09/2016 16:30

I would quite like mine to stop believing as I would like the credit for the bloody presents!

CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 16:31

I agree, telling her myself is definitely preferable but what on earth do I say?? I need the right gentle words!

OP posts:

Christinedonna · 15/09/2016 16:39

I was never told he wasn't real, in fact if i were to ask my dad now he'd still insist he is. Why ruin it? She's not bound to "find out" anything, she's bound to be told something that could or could not be true. If it were me I'd stick to the whole "well the kids that told you that are lying, probably because Father Christmas stopped giving them presents because they stopped believing in him". At the age of 9, that is not a dream that needs shattering

5Foot5 · 15/09/2016 16:43

I believed in FC until I was 10. Nearly 11 in fact. My mum told me eventually just before I went to senior school because she didn't want me being laughed at when I got there.

When I heard things from other children I was told that FC didn't come to them because their parents didn't arrange for him to come!

Unfortunately my own DD twigged before she was 6 and wasn't so easily fooled

Ifailed · 15/09/2016 16:46

She's 9, OK to start telling her adults make things up to make young children happy, like other stories. Now she's a bigger girl now its time to be let in on the secret - but she mustn't tell the little ones as that would be cruel, and sometimes it's great to make-believe things like this and get involved.

dottycat123 · 15/09/2016 16:48

Both my ds believed until they went to secondary school, in fact ds 1 year 6 teacher told him at the end of the school year when ds1 was talking about Father Christmas, lots of their friends believed until end of junior school.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 15/09/2016 16:50

I've had the chat with my eldest over the summer holidays. She brought up the tooth fairy and Santa and, as she was about to start senior school, I confirmed for her that they were parent induced magic. She has younger siblings so I've told her that if she's too old to believe then she is now on the side of helping to make the magic. She's excited to help with Santa letters and tooth fairy letters and to be just a touch too enthusiastic and winking to me when she's talking to her siblings!

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 16:56

Goodness let her be, so what. They all chat at school and question it if she can belive one more year great! or at least be in doubt...mine is also 9 and is border line

twinkletoedelephant · 15/09/2016 16:59

Dd is 10..... I can almost see the look of glee on her face when she destroys father Christmas for her 7yr old brothers this year...

timeforabrewnow · 15/09/2016 16:59

ifailed - that is a really good way to phrase it to the child.

Fortunately not a problem for my 11 year old as her brothers have told her when she was around 8

elderberryflower · 15/09/2016 17:00

This is exactly why we've never 'done' Father Christmas! What did you think would happen?!

leopardgecko · 15/09/2016 17:04

I never actually made a point of actually telling my children (now all in their 20s). It was never a major issue and never any problem with other children at school saying anything. It just all happened naturally.

As a foster carer who has looked after numerous children of different ages at Christmas there doesn't really seem to be a norm. My current 9 year old foster child still believes, as does her friendship group at school. Other children have come to me at age 3 or 4 and not believing.

So allowing for all eventualities it is easier for all of us all, adults included, to believe at Christmas, which has the advantage of an extra pressie for all. And everyone regardless of age gets a Christmas stocking.

Oysterbabe · 15/09/2016 17:04

One of my best friends believed until she was 14. She pretended she didn't to her friends but secretly still did.
I remember becoming suspicious and figuring it out for myself. I'd wait and see what happens.

wayway13 · 15/09/2016 17:05

Non-believers will get nothing in this house. My DD(2) is just getting into Santa and she'll still believe when she's 50 .

gillybeanz · 15/09/2016 17:05

Kids of 9 don't all know, most of dd friends and the ds come to that believed until Y6.
I told my dd in y6 before starting new school as I knew they'd all obviously know by now. Some didn't

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/09/2016 17:05

I was a 'believer' until I was about 10. And then there was just a slow dawning realisation. No shock, no horror. No traumatic lightbulb moment.

HumphreyCobblers · 15/09/2016 17:09

What I thought would happen is what is happening - a slow realisation that he is not real but an understanding that it was a lovely thing for parents to do for their children.

I do know one person who was horrified that her parents had lied to her, but she is the only one I have ever met. When she told her children that FC wasn't real her son put her straight, saying that of course he was real, everyone he knew had presents from Father Christmas.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:13

My two (5 and 7) have never believed, because we've let them make their own minds up rather than pushing a load of bollocks on them. IMO if you choose to go overboard with the "make believe" in the early days, you can't really blame your kids if they want to believe it. After all, who really wants to believe their parents have lied to them?

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:15

I do know one person who was horrified that her parents had lied to her, but she is the only one I have ever met

Both my husband and I were like that. And we both had to carry on pretending for younger siblings. It was a horrible situation to be in.

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MitzyLeFrouf · 15/09/2016 17:16

Oh God it's a bit early in the year for the claims of the awful damage apparently caused by the Father Christmas lie.

We haven't even got to the 'trick or treating is just begging' shizz.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:17

Far too early for any mention of Xmas full bloody stop, but there you go.

moomoo222 · 15/09/2016 17:18

I have DS1 (age12) and DS2 (age 6). DS1 worked it all out a couple of Christmas' ago - but the only reason I knew were a couple of very sweet wry comments made by DS1 on the run up to Christmas which were deliberately said in a way in which DS2 wouldn't pick up on it. He has still joined in with his brothers enthusiasm for the last couple of years despite now being a non-believer (and he knows that that way they both still get a stocking full of tat!), so my experience was that he enjoyed being in on the 'adult' perspective of it.

Despite having also been a fervent Father Christmas believer - we had no disappointment & no anger with me or the world for deceiving him. At that time of year every advert, kids TV programme, adults TV programme, school, shop, club, supermarket...every single one keeps the myth alive, so it is a cultural conspiracy - not just you.

So yes, normal that you are worried, but here's that grip you were looking for...good luck!

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