To worry that most people think this(84 Posts)
In response to another thread about how shit parenting is. It's made me feel really depressed. I've just had my second and don't feel the way everybody on the thread does, but worry that at some point I will. It almost sounds like it's inevitable.
Do most people feel like this about parenting?
Everyone will at some point feel it. It doesn't mean anything though.
So you're worrying you might be worried about something in the future?
I'd go for a walk or something if I were you!
I don't know.
I don't imagine so.
I think most people, if not all people, have moments as parents that they feel overwhelmed/like everything has turned to crap/out of their depth/etc but probably it's not common for a parent to feel that the entire experience birth to adulthood is shit.
Are the people on that thread saying that being a parent is shit full stop? From the day the child is born? Or are they saying there are challenges and sometimes it's hard/shitty/overwhelming/lonely/etc? Because there's a huge difference there and I'd be quite surprised if everybody on the thread felt the state of parenthood was shit, full stop.
I don't feel that way about my experience of being a parent. My kids are 16 & 17 and have sn. It has its challenges, like everything, but I enjoy it. sometimes something happens and I feel it's a bit crappy. Sometimes I feel I'm doing a shit job. It certainly is a thankless job.
That's not the same as feeling that being a parent is shit.
I have days when parenting is shit but it's just like working and having shit days. Most days are great or at least ok.
Are you start to worry about coping generally?
Being a parent isn't shit. Some parts of parenting are shit... literally in some instances. Nothing is a bed of.roses and you would be naive to expect to love every moment, that isn't to say it isn't worth doing and that the highs outweigh the lows.
No, I think sometimes people have an awful day. Their kids been throwing up/not sleeping/being naughty/answering back relentlessly - whatever. Days like that can grind you down to the bone.
I have had many days like that. A baby with reflux who projectile vomited everywhere. A baby that never slept. A child with challenging behaviour.
There are days when I just wish I was anywhere else but here. But then I go to bed and sleep and the next day is a new day and all is well in the world.
It can be really shit being a parent but at the same time, even if you are at the far end of your tether, if anyone threatened your child, you'd go into full blown protective tiger mode.
That's the shit bit about parenting imo. The full range of emotions from frustration and anger to overwhelming love and protectiveness.
I saw it too OP and it shit me up. I'm 6 months in and feel like some of the posters do, but I'm really really hoping I'll start to enjoy it as time goes on. I'm scared I never will
l don't feel like that about parenting and never have, so l wouldn't worry about it if l were you.
l was the least likely person to have kids but when pregnant and very panicked about it....hated the idea of a soft play or baby classes etc... someone who knew me very well said,
'Its your child do it your way' and it was the best advice l have ever received!
I hate chaos and lack of sleep so spent lots of time and patience on gently establishing a good sleep routine very early, took tons of patience but in the early days you are stuck at home a lot anyway so l thought l'd put the time to good use.
l avoided to many noisy playdates at the toddler stage as they are not my idea of fun, we hung out with a few close friends and would go for walks together instead...less yelling and crying.
Just a couple of examples of doing it my way that saved my sanity.
l loved my baby/toddler years most of the time, and really miss them now Dc are much older.
Some people are so negative about parenting but l am sure there are far more who are very happy.
It's a pretty negative thread. The gist is love kids hate being a parent. There's nothing positive to be said for it if you read it. I don't know, it just worries me that one day I'll crack and feel permanently rubbish about it all like people seem to be saying they do. Even though that's not how I feel now. I realise this sounds ridiculous!
George you made me laugh - that's basically me all over.
No, I don't think everyone feels like that. I don't feel like that although I do often have days when I'm glad to get the dc to bed and not have to talk!!
The other thread was a place for parents who are finding it tough atm to vent. It would be pretty poor form to go on that thread and post about you never find parenting tough, how you love every minute etc etc.
So don't worry! Yes, it's inevitable that you'll have rubbish days which you're glad to see the back of but I'm sure you're not going to start hate being a mum!
I think that people like those threads as a good way to let off steam. I don't believe that very many people hate being a parent full stop.
You say you have just had your second, do you mean very recently? If so then you might be feeling a bit vulnerable and sensitive to that sort of thing? Sorry if that comes across as patronising, it's not meant to.
I've never felt like that. Sure, everyone has their bad days, but I can't say I've had that many of them tbh. My dc are 11 and 8. They were and are good sleepers and well-behaved kids. Now they are older they don't require much entertaining and are fun and good company. I found the toddler stage the hardest, but even that wasn't too bad tbh. But everyone's dc and situation is different. Mine might turn out to be horrendous as teenagers...
Parenting is the worst, hardest, most shit thing I've ever done. It's also the most amazing, life-affirming, joyous, fun thing I've ever done. I think most parents would at different times agree with both of these statements. But why are you worrying about one day maybe thinking what some other people seem to think now?
That thread is a snapshot of how those people were feeling at that specific point in time. It's not how every parent feels all the time. Sometimes your children are demanding little buggers who won't do as they're told/be quiet/leave you alone for 5 minutes so you can have a wee in peace/just sleep through for one night, please! And it's ok not to enjoy parenting at that point.
Different people struggle at different points in their DC's childhood - personally I'm finding having a 5mo a breeze (even with the broken sleep) but my almost 4yo tries my patience every single day.
And the worst thing is that we've all brought this upon ourselves...!
I don't think parenting is shit generally but can have stressful moments. People tend to only post when they are looking for support so you get more problems on here. People posting to say how wonderful parenting is would probably get flamed for being smug!!!
I would say that the good moments far outweigh the bad but it is fairly common to focus on the bad. There have been times when I wished that teen DD was a toddler that I could tuck under my arm!
I went through a phase of keeping a little book where I could write down some of the lovely stuff to sustain me on a bad day. Hoarded a few things too like the drawings and cards with "love you mummy". Being made your first cup of tea is something to look forwad to (even if there is tea slopped over the counter top!)
No one can ever be the perfect parent so you will need to remember that when times are tough and try and keep a sense of proportion and a sense of humour. You will be fine OP
It's a tricky one - I am the happiest I have ever been in my life since having children, but equally I have also never known such fear, anxiety, anger and sadness either. In general, I think how you view parenthood, is how you view life. It's what you make of it. I haven't read the other thread btw!
Oh there are times when it is shit. Ds woke up every two hours for two years and I had PTSD after his birth; he was a delicious baby though and I still think of it fondly.
Every day my children tell me how much they love me, we have great conversations about stories, tornadoes, dinosaurs - my eldest genuinely makes me stop and think about something every day, or asks a question I think is excellent. They both make me laugh all the time
when they don't make me shout
I am hating the extended heat at the moment, toddler is grisly and fed up, we're potty training so we've been stuck local a fair bit recently. I just spent a lovely hour with her going through my jewellery and sorting it out (interrupted by need for potty/rinsing out underwear a couple of times) and it was just lovely. "Can I put this on? Thank you, Mummy! Wow look at this!" And the beauty of small children is I can bring it out again next week and she will be just as thrilled
Last night when my dh got in from work we took them over the park for fish and chips to make the most of the warm evening for a kickabout and had a brilliant time together. Yes they were whiny and uncooperative and overtired when they got in, but we all won't remember that bit.
Sounds like a load of old old bollocks to me. Yes, we all have off days when we may doubt ourselves, wonder what the hell we're doing..its normal but on the whole, parenting is a positive experience to be treasured as before you know it we will have moved on. My eldest is 16 and it seems like yesterday when he was born. Enjoy, don't let the bastards get you down. As you were.
Well glad to hear I wouldn't have suffered so much misery and PND if I'd made the effort to establish a good sleep routine.
I found that thread brilliantly honest and it resonated with how I feel sometimes. But overall I don't feel it describes how I feel about parenthood with my DDs (6 weeks and 2.5 yrs).
That said- I work PT; we have a nanny who comes in the mornings and is here still while I'm on mat leave; I have fantastic and local family support; and a DH who is ace. I feel like I do have that "village" that posters on that thread lamented the absence of. Maybe that's the difference...
That thread is a support thread for people who are finding it a struggle at the moment and on top of struggling feel like the worst Mum in the world because "no one else feels like I do."
Some people breeze through Motherhood and love every minute, some hate every minute and struggle, some get depressed but feel better when this is treated, some (most?) have days when they are tearing their hair out and feel like a shit parent but also plenty of days when it all goes great.
My eldest DCs are only 17½ months apart and there were days when they were young when I had periods of utter desperation but it does pass and it never lasted all day. I did not post on that thread though as I don't think I ever felt as bad as the posters on there and they are looking for support not "well I didn't find it as bad as that" posts.
Which I really really really tried to do I promise. I guarantee I "hate chaos and lack of sleep" as much as anyone else honestly. So much that I was suicidal with a newborn. Sorry I'll go away now but it's really horrible to blame people who are having a shit time of it for not trying hard enough.
Being a parent is hard because it is such an enormous task. We obviously all do things differently and enjoy different things but I think that finding parenting (and indeed, adulting) hard and not always enjoyable is OK.
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