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Who IBU in their definition of lying

(56 Posts)
Rarararaa Sat 04-Jun-16 13:39:28

1. Omitting information isn't lying - so if asked 'what did you do today' and you answer 'went to work' but skipped the part where you went to a bar/robbed a bank/hired a hitman that wouldn't be a lie

2. Unless you're asked the exact right question it's not a lie to deny it. So if i ask you if you spent £250 in a bookies but you spent £250.50 then denying it isn't a lie.

3. Promising to do something you have no intention of doing 'for an easy life' isn't a lie.

For context, DH and I are separating (amicably - both too young, shouldn't have got married yada yada) and we both think the other will have a hard time finding someone who subscribes to the others definition of lying.

DH thinks the above are fine, I think they're lies. Who IBU?

SweetieDrops Sat 04-Jun-16 13:40:45

YANBU. Good luck to him finding a partner who will tolerate that bullshit.

Berthatydfil Sat 04-Jun-16 13:40:45

He is

sirfredfredgeorge Sat 04-Jun-16 13:42:12

It's irrelevant, Lie does not have a strict simplistic definition that you're looking for.

You're incompatible, split up, you'll both find people.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Sat 04-Jun-16 13:42:36

If you deliberately deceive someone it's a lie.

Rarararaa Sat 04-Jun-16 13:44:40

Sirfred - i respectfully disagree, i think the above examples are clearly lies. But we're definitely divorcing, currently trying to offload ugly furniture onto one another.

iklboo Sat 04-Jun-16 13:45:23

Lying by omission is still a lie.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 04-Jun-16 13:54:40

I'd say 1 isn't a lie, 2 isn't a lie, 3 is a lie.

IMO a lie is telling an untruth, and only 3 fits that category (assuming that at the time is is promised there is no intention to carry it out)

I don't however think they are fine.

EatShitDerek Sat 04-Jun-16 13:56:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum Sat 04-Jun-16 13:58:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFuckersBitingMe Sat 04-Jun-16 14:01:26

Witholding a truth is a lie, for me.

I know DH feels similarly, so we're ok. Not sure I could have a relationship with someone whose definition of lies varied so much from mine. (Though I will concede I've omitted to tell the entire truth in certain situations where it'd land me in the shit, so I'm a complete hypocrite).

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 04-Jun-16 14:02:36

I think you're not asking the right questions.

1 - not a lie. He did go to work. He doesn't have to mention everything that happened that day to be telling the truth.

2 - If you said "How much did you spend?" and he said "£200" but meant £250.50 then that would be a lie. I do think his answer to your original question is shifty, though.

3 - technically it IS a lie, but I'd say it's a white lie. It's something I would say to shut someone up blush

alltouchedout Sat 04-Jun-16 14:03:37

Knowingly misleading someone counts as lying to me. So all those are lies.

Egosumquisum Sat 04-Jun-16 14:04:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rarararaa Sat 04-Jun-16 14:04:12

This is fascinating. I did assume everyone would agree with me so it's interesting to see other opinions.

Still LTB though grin

Egosumquisum Sat 04-Jun-16 14:05:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum Sat 04-Jun-16 14:07:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaChaChaCh4nges Sat 04-Jun-16 14:09:54

I'd count all three as deceitful, misleading, unacceptable. Not sure it matters what you label them.

Doje Sat 04-Jun-16 14:13:23

I think 1 and 2 aren't technically lies, but they are all wrong and I would be cross if someone did them to me.

All three situations are being deceitful.

SanityClause Sat 04-Jun-16 14:15:39

I agree with sirfred.

You are splitting up anyway. What does it matter if you disagree on this one thing?

FWIW, we all lie at times to smooth social interactions. All of your three examples are technically lying. Whether or not it would matter if the other person was lying, would depend on the circumstances. (i.e. "Did you spend £250 at the bookies?" It wouldn't matter if you had actually only spent £249; what would matter would be misleading the other person into thinking there would be enough money in the account to pay for the food shopping, when in fact, you had cleaned it out.)

RosieMapleLeaf Sat 04-Jun-16 14:17:34

It is all deceitful to me, whether it is technically a lie or not.

If you are a deceitful person, you are not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.

Peppermintea Sat 04-Jun-16 14:20:16

Good riddance to the liar!

Penfold007 Sat 04-Jun-16 14:35:47

All three of your examples are 'lies by omission' important facts were left out in order to misrepresent. You asked a direct question rather than a leading one and so he could omit the information.

whois Sat 04-Jun-16 14:52:31

1 2 and 3 are all lying.
Except if the 'thing' in 1 isn't significant.

00100001 Sat 04-Jun-16 14:58:06

I'm confused about the £250 and £250.50 one.
What has the 50p got to do with it?

If you asked me "did you spend £250 in the bookies" and I had spent £250.50 I would say "Yes" and not consider it a lie. But if I had spent a wildly different amount (e.g. £25 or£2500) and still answered "Yes" then I would be lying.

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