Who IBU in their definition of lying

[Rarararaa]

1. Omitting information isn't lying - so if asked 'what did you do today' and you answer 'went to work' but skipped the part where you went to a bar/robbed a bank/hired a hitman that wouldn't be a lie
   

1. Unless you're asked the exact right question it's not a lie to deny it. So if i ask you if you spent £250 in a bookies but you spent £250.50 then denying it isn't a lie.
   

1. Promising to do something you have no intention of doing 'for an easy life' isn't a lie.
   

For context, DH and I are separating (amicably - both too young, shouldn't have got married yada yada) and we both think the other will have a hard time finding someone who subscribes to the others definition of lying.

DH thinks the above are fine, I think they're lies. Who IBU?

[Rarararaa]

You're right anchor, it's been so long that I've forgotten that it's a ridiculous way of speaking to your other half. I tried vague, I tried specific... now I'm trying divorce

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

They are very odd examples because most people don't converse that way. They'd ask what you did today or how much you spent, not give a specific statement for you to say yes or no too.

If someone said, how much did you spend in the bookies, and you said any other amount than what you actually spent, it'd be a lie. Or, "we seem to be £250 over our budget. Did you spend it gambling?" Then saying no would be a lie.

If you actually communicate in a statement followed by affirming or denying it, I think there's probably no love lost between you anyway. It's a very disengaged and cold way of talking!

[daisychain01]

Agreeing to do something you have no intention of doing is also passive aggressive

[daisychain01]

Anything said with the intention to deceive is lying. If a person's answer is disingenuous, or obtuse and its twisting things round to make their actions better than they are, then that's an intentional thing and they are lying, or deceiving or stretching the truth.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other, it isn't being honest!

[cozietoesie]

Lies of omission and lies of commission. They're both lies.

[OTheHugeManatee]

The fort two are not lies proper but lies by omission. All of them are deceitful and destructive of trust.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

He's wrong, you're right ergo he gets all the ugly furniture & you get anything you want.

I'm not at all surprised you're going your own way. Very sensible!

[steppemum]

I'd count all three as deceitful, misleading, unacceptable. Not sure it matters what you label them.

this.
technically, I am not sure they are all lies. But I would find them unacceptable. I personally would not answer this way.

eg - what did you do today? I know what my partner is asking, so to deliberately mislead would not be acceptable. Unless of course I was planning a surprise party etc, and was hiding that.
Which is why the intention here to me is important

[lougle]

I would have an issue with all 3 examples. Basically put, if I ask a question and someone understands my reason for asking it, then gives an answer that evades the reason for that question, they've been dishonest, no matter how clever they think their answer was.

[Rarararaa]

Thanks for the replies everyone

To answer a few comments - I'm asking because it's been a big part of why we're separating and, being each others only significant relationship, we don't have a frame of reference for what's normal here. He was adamant that the examples above were absolutely fine and to me that's crazy.

I don't need to know every minor detail of his day - in the examples above they were all things which he knew would cause issues (eg gambling, drinking, getting taxis across London when we were absolutely broke, saying he'd be home for dinner then rolling in at 5am)

And we're not that young. I know people have differences of opinion, but I did explain to him what I thought was acceptable in terms of honesty and he agreed. But then I found out about point 3 .

Anyway, all in the past now

[Anniegetyourgun]

Whether it fits the legal definition of deliberate untruth is just sophistry on his part. You're supposed to be in a relationship, not a court of law. The precise definition is not the crucial issue; that he spends so much time being deceitful is. You will be so much better off without a sneaky fecker in your life.

[LouBlue1507]

1. Not a lie - But can be deceitful
   
2. Not a lie - But can be deceitful
   
3. A blatant lie

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

1. Not a lie.
   

1. A lie (but technically not)
   

1. A lie

[Meeep]

I agree with your definitions OP.

[marcopront]

If I didn't know he wasn't married I would think you were divorcing my ex. I am with you on the definitions of lying he is with your "D"H.

[Gabilan]

Generally they're dishonest. But I agree with PP, you can't say everything you did in the course of the day, and what counts as significant will vary. I think if you deliberately withhold information that you suspect your partner would want to know, you're lying.

[CaptainCrunch]

I think the dictionary definitions are "a deliberate falsehood" and "an intention to mislead". If answering any of these questions would knowingly mislead the questioner, they're lies.

[purplefox]

All of them are lying.

[MangoMoon]

All 3 are deceitful, but different levels.

[00100001]

I think 2 reads incorrectly.

it is more like this:

OP: "Did you spend £250 in the bookies?"
DH: "No, I didn't spend any money in the bookies" (when in fact he had spent £250.50)

If that's correct, then 2 is a lie.

[00100001]

aah, right royston he said he never gambled in the first place!

[BrendaFurlong]

All lies of differing kinds - it's why in court you have to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[SilverDragonfly1]

The first two are lies of omission, where you lie by leaving out a piece of information the other person has a right to hear.

The third is a lie of commission, which really just means 'a lie'. If you know you will never do something you've promised to do, how's that not a lie?

[Liiinooo]

I agree with sirfred and others. They may or may not be lies depending on context, motivation and interpretation. Exact definitions are irrelevant. What matters is that you disagree on these and other things and your differences are making you both unhappy.
You mention that you are both quite young and this need for absolutes/to be seen as correct can also be a young thing. As you get older you realise that things can be messier, more imperfect and still be pretty good.