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AIBU?

To just want an hours break?

60 replies

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 20:56

I like to take the dog for his late evening walk for an hour, as it just gives me a break and some time on my own. I have a 20 week old dd, that doesn't particularly enjoy being put down, so I am pretty much with her all day.

However, when ever I get back home dp seems moody and can only speak in one word answers, huffs and puffs and seems irritated. He does work a full time manual labour job. I understand this is tiring. I understand dd can be difficult. But what I don't understand is why an hour seems like too much for him to spend alone with her. Surely he should enjoy the limited time he has with her ? Just leaves me feeling that I can't have an hours break.

OP posts:

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coveredinhopeandvaseline · 07/04/2016 21:00

It's a tough one, OP.
Have you tried putting DD in a sling and taking the dog for a walk?
My husband has an office job and is great with DS when he gets home, but I can't imagine he'd be so chipper and helpful if he had been working a manual job all day.
Have you tried talking to him about it on the weekend when he's less knackered?

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:07

I take her in the pram during the day with the dog, but in the evening I like to go over the fields with him so he can have a proper run, and sadly he is reactive, so wouldn't risk having her in the sling as it would be harder for me to control him if necessary. Plus to be honest, I really enjoy a little time to myself.
He is pretty much the same at weekends, he lets me have a lie in sometimes, which I am so appreciative of, but again he still has the same attitude when having been on his own with her. He's a difficult one to talk to about things, as he is a shutter-offer rather than a talker. I asked him tonight if he was okay and what was wrong and he just said 'nothing' and left the room.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 07/04/2016 21:07

Well, YANBU obviously to want a break.

When does he get his hour a day?

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:11

saucyjack when he gets home from work, and the rest of the evening as I take her back as soon as the dog and I have been out. I'm very aware that he has been at work all day and needs a break too.

OP posts:

DangerMouth · 07/04/2016 21:19

Ffs, why is OP getting grief? Of course you're nbu. I tell dh his 'me' is the walk to the train station listening to his ipod, his 30 minute train ride in (he always gets a seat, last stop before line gets busy) and his hour lunch break. He doesn't do a manual job but minding a dc 24/7 is just as tiring. And having worked f/t with dd1 and taken 9 months mat leave l tell dh l know which is the easier option!

Dh recently minded dd2 while l went to the movies with dd1. He has suddenly become very accommodating regarding me getting a break as he finally gets it.

SummerHouse · 07/04/2016 21:28

Its not so much as an hour to relax but an hour to be away from the all encompassing role of looking after a baby. It is head space. If you are at work all day then your "break" is to take the baby / children and let your partner do anything else for a little while. Me and my partner both work and we both see it this way. I think your partner is being shit OP. He is not being fair.

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:30

Thank you dangermouth it makes me feel bad for just wanting a little time to myself. He's barely spoken a word to me since I got back home, and I'm so tired today it makes me want to cry. I genuinely think he thinks I do sweet FA all day sometimes so a break is unjust.

OP posts:

NickyEds · 07/04/2016 21:31

YANBU. I count dp's commute as his "me time" too Danger, he walks through a woodland park for 25 minutes, then a train for 20 minutes, then another 20 minutes walk, twice a day so I don't feel at all guilty about a 20 minute run 3 times a week. I know that sounds harsh but looking after my 2 year old and 8 month old is relentless and sometimes I need a bit of time out.

whois · 07/04/2016 21:32

Oh god you shouldn't feel bad for wanting a little time for yourself.

peachypips · 07/04/2016 21:32

He's being a fucker. Tell him he has to have her for an hour a day. Where do you live? I'll let you go out for an hour ffs.

SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 07/04/2016 21:33

Could you sometimes walk the dog together, with baby in the sling? Maybe your other ha,f would like a break too? Or take it in turns?

gandalf456 · 07/04/2016 21:34

No. I do a manual job too and , yes, it's tough but that's life. If you need an hour, take an hour. He definitely would if he were you if he wants to sulk, let him

BitchPeas · 07/04/2016 21:37

You need the hour. He needs to suck it up. Don't feel guilty, stick to your guns

MrsBobDylan · 07/04/2016 21:38

Yanbu - you need to talk to him on a weekend and tell him that his shutting you out and punishing you by not communicating is very unpleasant and a horrible way to live

He needs to have a good think about why he's behaving like this and what he can do to stop it.

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:38

Thanks peachy
Honestly, I don't want to go on a walk with him and the baby, I just want to be on my own for a short amount of time. Perhaps that is selfish. But I spend my day doing things for everyone else. Christ I sound I right pity party don't I.

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peachypips · 07/04/2016 21:41

No you don't- you sound absolutely normal. Every new mum (all parents in fact!) wants to get away from the little darlings- they are very hard work! They are lovely but they do sap the last ounce out of you, particularly if you are the main caregiver.
I think you need to go out for an hour each eve totally alone. It'll be a tonic.

Gardencentregroupie · 07/04/2016 21:42

He's a dick. If it's that easy, and you do nothing all day, then you're not leaving him to do anything difficult are you. And if it's hard for him to do it for one hour then he should have some appreciation for how hard your days are.

coveredinhopeandvaseline · 07/04/2016 21:43

I didn't mean to sound like I thought he was right.
You absolutely deserve your hour away...Agree with other posters about his commute etc being his time away...I almost always go for a wee walk, even just to Tesco, as soon as DH comes home from work. He also puts DS (7 months old) to bed every night and gets up with him for the first feed in the morning (usually around 6/7am) as it gets him moving to get ready for work. Back when DS was waking in the night for a feed DH would get up and feed him while I hooked up to the pump to express the next feed.
You both are parents and he does need to realise that and share the workload in the eve/morning/weekends.

fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:43

mrs I want to talk to him about it, but I don't know what more to say. I don't want to make him feel bad, but I do wonder if he actually enjoys his time with her, because it never seems like it, I don't know how to say that without making him feel like a shit father. I get so frustrated at his inability to talk about how he feels, it ends up with me causing an argument because i know that's the only way to get him to say how he truely feels.

OP posts:

guineapig1 · 07/04/2016 21:44

Yanbu! I too like taking the dogs out on my own of an evening, my DC are a little older and I work full time so now DH and I take it in turns each night (either every other night or take we take a dog each one after each other) once the DC are in bed. When they were tiny though I used to love a bit of peace and quiet just me and the dogs! Just stick at it, your DH will get used to it and your DC will get easier as she gets older too.

PennyHasNoSurname · 07/04/2016 21:47

He could always take the dog and the baby and have a nice hours relax in the woods/park after work. He is a dick.

littlejeopardy · 07/04/2016 21:47

YANBU. It is a good thing to get a break and clear your head. I think you need to tell DH that his terseness is making you feel guilty and explain what the run means to you. It might be that he is just tired and doesn't realise he is coming across as angry.

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fuzzyllama · 07/04/2016 21:51

He has very little to do with her care as she is ebf, so I do all the feeds. He will get up with her in the night if she won't settle, and does let me sleep in on the weekend if I need it. I don't want to sound unappreciative of him, because I'm not. I just want an hour of peace and quiet and fresh air. I'd love to leave him with her for the day of a weekend but it wouldn't be worth the mood when I get back. Just wish he understood what it is like to have a baby attached to your tit most of the day whilst also having to entertain her, cook, clean and tend to the dogs excerise needs.

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coveredinhopeandvaseline · 07/04/2016 21:55

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!
"Wouldn't be worth the mood when I get back"...DD is HIS child too, and the sooner he realises that, the better. Go and get your hair trimmed, or go for coffee with a friend on Saturday...what if you suddenly decided to strop about having to look after your baby?
He is being a complete dick.

lorelei9here · 07/04/2016 22:13

Bloody hell OP
Of course YANBU, I'm shocked you could think you were u for even a second.

But the weekend thing is downright alarming, he should be looking after his own DC! Leave him for a day and then he's more likely to understand why you need the hour.

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