Was IBU over DPs dealing with our daughter?

[Dinosaur44]

Last weekend, my 4yo daughter was being difficult at bedtime, not wanting to settle with it being still light at her usual bed time. I went through our usual routine, but she was still 'not sleepy', so I left her to lay in bed for a few minutes whilst I went to fetch in the washing. In between times, my DP took it upon himself to go into DDs room and shout at her for not settling down, which quickly upset her and made her more unsettled.
Because she began crying and shoring back at DP, he decided to threaten to 'put her under the shower' (he knows she hates the shower), which obviously made her cry more. I tried to intervene, but DP sent me away, saying that I was undermining him. Screaming from DD continued, so DP took it upon himself to spray our DD in the face with a watering spray! I couldn't believe it, and dragged DP out of her room so that I could get the situation back under control. Lo and behold, some reassurance from me and a bit of quiet sitting, and DD was asleep. A huge row ensued between DP and myself, during which he accused me of spoiling our DD, informing me that his DM also shares this opinion. Please tell me I was not BU - he is making me feel like I'm going mad...

[Sirzy]

Yadnbu. Perhaps when he is lying in bed tonight he would like to be squirted with water?

[acasualobserver]

He's threatening and using unpleasant punishments. Do you really think you're being unreasonable to be upset about that?

[Veterinari]

How exactly does he think lots of noise and being sprayed with water will encourage sleep? No he's an idiot, you can't shout someone to sleep. Your DD would have got bored and drifted off eventually if she'd been left alone. How the bloody hell does anyone sleep on demand?

He sounds like a controlling twat

[Topseyt]

He was a twat.

Tip a glass of water over him when he is asleep later on. Make sure it is ice cold.

[sepa]

Wtf. Who squirts their 4yo in the face at bed time and expects them to settle down. Your not UR. If this was my OH I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving DD with him in the future either if he thinks this is acceptable way to treat her

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

He squirted her with water?! 😮

That's downright awful behaviour, I would be livid!

Even if you do spoil your daughter, he shouldn't counter it with being abusive!

Tell 'D'H and his mother to fuck off.

Poor DD

[KinkyAfro]

Is he her dad?

[NeedACleverNN]

Is there something missing where your not telling us your daughter is a dog? (Not that I agree with spraying a dog in the face either btw)

Then no yanbu

He is abusive and controlling. Tell him to get his anger under control and make him seek help

[DoreenLethal]

Wow - he is either completely stupid not knowing that shouting causes the flight or fight reaction, or an evil bully.

Either way, what a wanker.

[AdrenalineFudge]

He sprayed her with water? He sounds like a twat of the highest order. Of course yanbu. He needs to apologise to her.

[Princesspeach1980]

That's nasty behaviour, threatening a child with something she is scared of is no way to get a child to sleep! If she was bouncing off the walls then ok to be firm, but if she was laid in bed trying to get to sleep, there was no reason to intervene at all!! Plus I bet 4 year olds all over the country are out of routine with the clock change and the school holidays.

[TooOldForGlitter]

The behaviour you describe is abusive. Spraying a four year old in the face with water, as a punishment would be enough for me to end the relationship. Vile bully of a man.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Are you the poster with the almost 4yo currently under assesment for ASD under a name change?

[Buzzardbird]

I wouldn't stay under the same roof as anyone who did that to my daughter. Even when water 'play' is happening in the garden, faces are off limits. He did it for abusive punishment. That would be the end for me.

[WellErrr]

I would HAVE to start spraying him with water and saying 'No!' everytime he started being a twat.

YANBU. Obviously.

[MrsBobDylan]

Have my first (and I've been a mn for years) LTB. He was abusive to your DD and after theatening her physically, then proceeded to physically abuse her by carrying out his threat.

Really, he is an absolute shit and I can't imagine how scared and bullied your DD must have felt.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

This is emotionally abusive and disgusting behaviour. It can never be repeated - if you can't trust him to behave properly then you shouldn't be living with him. Cunt.

[Superwitchy]

I couldn't live with someone who would do that to a child.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Bloody hell that is awful op. Yanbu. At all. He sounds just vile

[Dinosaur44]

Thank you all for your comments, I couldn't accept that what he did was right, but I've been dealing with crap like this , and his battering down of my confidence and patenting style / ability for so long now I feel like I can't judge what's what anymore. Deep down, I've known for a long time that I need to leave - I'm just so scared of what he'll do. Thank you all, though - I feel stronger now that I know it's not just me who thinks this is wrong...

[magoria]

What a vile bully of a man shouting at, threatening and spraying a 4 year old child.

Really good way of calming her and sending her off to sleep.

You are not over reacting in the slightest.

As for his mother agreeing. Well it shows the nasty bully didn't fall very far from the tree did he.