NC as unsure if these details may out me. I apologise for the length of the post but wanted to give as much info as possible.
Basically DP & I have been together almost 10 years and have 3 DC together aged 6, 4 and 3 months.
Since I first found out I was pregnant with DC1 MIL has been extremely overbearing. She bought herself a cot, Pram, high chair etc for her house which at the time I worried about because I didn't want DC to sleep over but over time due to extremely high pressure from her and myself basically being a wimp he started to stay occasionally.
As time went on she would visit on a set day and time every week and stay for hours and then as we had DC 2 started taking them one day a weekend too. Of course I greatful for the help and I know alot of people would kill for free time and having someone looking after their child so they can have a break but this is slowly getting me really really down.
MIL appears as sweet as anything to most people, however she is constantly putting me down, criticising me, belittling my parenting etc. Underhand snide comments with a sweet smile that make me fume, about my weight or family etc, but mainly about my parenting. Things like telling me my middle child was too old for pull ups at night when he was 3, he was traumatised wetting the bed and bone dry in the day, my dr told me that night time toilet training comes naturally and couldn't be forced so keep him in pull-ups but this didn't stop her comments or not putting one on when he slept over then telling me he was dry all night when he and my eldest told me differently. Other things like taking them for haircuts without asking and telling me it didn't look nice when I took them to the barbers myself and that they should go to hers (within the poor kids earshot so they were shot down showing off their new hAircuts). That kind of thing.
What is getting to me is that this is now a regular thing. They are collected Saturday lunchtime and dropped back home Sunday lunchtime. My middle child sobbed his heart out yesterday saying he didn't want to sleep but despite me telling him he didn't have to if he didn't want to, she then proceeded to pretend to leave talking loudly about going to the park, so of course a 4 year old hears the word park and wants to go. He left crying with her saying if he wanted to go to the park he had to sleep. I couldn't collect him myself as she lives too far and I can't drive. I felt awful all night knowing he'd be upset but he willingly went so I couldn't tell him his brother was going and he wasn't (my oldest likes sleeping over).
If we want to take the children out we have to reschedule 'her day' and are
made to feel guilty for it. I just want to spend time with my own children without having to arrange it.
In the past when I have tried to stop a weekend with little notice Due to family emergencies etc I get text abuse by FIL that MIL is crying, upset and I've ruined her weekend etc. It's horrible the way I'm made to feel for cancelling and they are ruthless. That side of the family all hears about my 'crime' and I get a frosty attitude for months for upsetting her after 'all she does' (which I never ask for - she imposes these things).
I don't know what to do, so far I have not let her have my youngest but I can see she's itching to get her too. I don't want this all again with her, and I want the other two DC to stay less often but I know she's going to go mental and make our lives hell. I know I need to grow a backbone and speak up but I've let it go on for so many years I don't know how. I'm very intimidated by her, she isn't violent but she is toxic and very manipulative and I don't know where to start.
The kids enjoy going, the oldest loves sleeping over, I'm not going to stop it completely because I know they love her as much as she loves them but this is impacting hugely on our lives and I'm so stuck. Please help, where do I start? I was young and easily swayed at first and I regret letting it get to this point. Any advice? Please be gentle, I know this is my fault for not speaking up sooner and standing up for myself!
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94 replies
Pleasehelpmeout1289 · 15/02/2016 17:37
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