Have name changed as am going to post some specific details in the hope of getting advice/ comments on this one.
Background - have 4 children. Briefly considered a 5th in the 3 years after youngest born but def off the radar for last 5 years at least. Then had an unplanned pg couple of months ago. Knocked us both sideways and considered termination but decided to go ahead. Unfortunately ended in a mc at 10 weeks and we were both extremely upset as had started to make plans and imagine a new course for our family path.
Now need to decide whether we officially ttc in the new year. After the mc immediately wanted to but wanted a bit of space to recover which we've had. We're going to have a good talk but I need to sort my thoughts out. It feels a head/heart decision at the moment. DH will probably defer to what I want to do.
So- I'm 38, DH is 43. 4 children between 13 & 8. We both work full time but I'm lucky enough to work from home with lots of flexibility. We need to work as have large mortgage but no additional debts.
We earn ok with reasonable amount of disposable income. Not super rich or well off but comfy i.e can eat out once a week, kids do activities, go on holiday etc. We don't claim benefits other than child benefit.
House is big enough but no spare bedroom. Could do loft conversion in couple of years but would rely on increasing mortgage.
We have a strong marriage, DH takes equal role in parenting/ household tasks. Both healthy but could do with dropping weight.
I have a good pension, DH no pension, we have a small amount in savings, think >15k
Children all stable, well adjusted, doing well. Love their younger cousins.
Previous pg all relatively straightforward, but last 2 induced at 37 weeks due to high bp. All Easy births, all easy babies but horrific toddlers.
Issues of concern: our ages, having another mc. Last one knocked me sideways with strength of feeling and know I have an increased risk.
Having child with disabilities- again aware of increased risks . We both know we'd have all the screening and tfmr if necessary as we discussed when I had the last pg. I know that would be distressing to deal with.
Do I really want to go back to babyhood at this stage? Sometimes think another child would be fab and lovely for the older children. Other times think it'd be utter madness.
Work- potentially in line for s promotion next year that I've worked hard for. Pg may scupper this.
So conflicted about what my real thoughts are....so AIBU yo even consider this. All info here is to help u see my personal circumstances.
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AIBU?
Would you have another baby in these circumstances?
92 replies
Conflictedkate · 10/12/2015 19:26
OP posts:
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