This is going to be long. I am furious. I need help. I've Nc for this as paranoid I'll be recognised.
I've got 2 DCs with my ex, aged 5 and 6. I've also got another DC aged 1 with my DP.
Ex has been pretty rubbish at contact ever since we split up four years ago, and it's just not getting any better at all. Initially the agreement was EOW and 1 night in the week as that seemed standard. He does sometimes work at weekends and in the evenings but when we were together it was all in his control ? and not that frequent. The excuses started coming thick and fast within months of the split, that he was "working" and so couldn't have them. At one stage he was having them probably less than a quarter of the times he was supposed to letting me down both with lots of notice or with very short notice.
He then added to the complexity by moving away and so agreed to have them just one weekend per month as the weekdays were no longer feasible and his "work commitments" meant he needed to cut down on weekends. He has stuck to this for about six months and I was happy with it as at least it was predictable, stable contact, but it's his weekend this coming weekend and he's emailed this morning to let me know he can't have them as he apparently agreed to work ages and didn't realise the clash.....
I have plans this weekend to go to a wedding on the other side of the country with my DP. I am paying a friend (who is also a nanny) to have DC1 from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon. She has 3 children of her own and so I can't ask her to also have the two older DC (not to mention I haven't got the money to pay for them as well). I have nobody else to ask, my DM died last year and my DF would not manage on his own with such a young baby. My DPs parents live quite a long way away and would probably help usually (with plenty of notice) but they're currently on holiday.
I am going to have to miss the wedding aren't I. I am so hugely angry I feel like I might explode. There is never a single time that HE has to organise his life around the children because he just dumps them on me. How on earth is this allowed or fair or moral? I love my children to bits of course I do but why is it that he doesn't have to take any responsibility and I have to take it all? I work full time and have to organise childcare for them and stuff, I emailed back that he would need to find suitable childcare for them this weekend as I had plans and he replied that it was my problem to sort not his.
I am literally apoplectic with rage. It's nothing that he hasn't done a thousand times before and he's impacted on my plans so many before but I've just accepted it and cancelled them, or made other arrangements but this time he's really taken the biscuit. I've paid for a new dress, hotel room etc. in preparation but more than that I was so looking forward to it.
And the fact is there is NOTHING I can do. We don't have a court agreement for contact and even if we did I can't make him show up. I just have to suck it up.
I am so mad I am crying angry tears. AIBU? I genuinely don't know? I don't feel as if I am but as the resident parent should I not expect that I can ever plan anything? Is this what it?s like for other people?
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AIBU?
to expect childcare to be DCs fathers issue on his weekends?
100 replies
writingsonthewall · 07/08/2015 09:36
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