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To be so embarrassed about going back to work / thinking of resigning?

(122 Posts)
KateSpade Sun 05-Jul-15 08:17:38

So, I posted a thread last week about me being spoken to like shit because I'm a woman in a primarily facing role,

Well Friday I was in on my own, and after not being able to get in the building because someone else had taken my keys home - a customer couldn't get in for 1hr - between 8-9am. So I totally understand how unacceptable that was,

a few hours later he 'gave me a shouting at' in his own words.

Later another customer was using a piece of equipment he wanted and threw his arms up & down & again - shouted at me.

So, I burst into tears, I was shaking, it was awful. He rang another store, spoke to our area manager, who I have a meeting with on Monday to 'investigate' the issue.

So, I spent Friday in tears, my dad phoned & caught me upset - so came down & shouted at the man. blush very embarrassed about that,
But it was awful - I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing, I know I'll see the man on Monday, along with my meeting!

Now, this is a very regular occurrence - many but not all as abusive as he was, I'm debating going to the meeting and resigning?
My contract ends on September anyway - maternity contract.

I'm mortified - scared about getting a telling off (I understand my dad shouldn't have come down - i didn't ask him, it was a kind of phone down - no telling him) and bothered that the company will bend over backwards to apologise when quite frankly apart from the delay in opening, he doesn't deserve an apology!

So, I know you MN'ers always have wise words of wisdom - blushsmile

Howmanywotwots Sun 05-Jul-15 08:23:07

What horrible horrible customers you have dealt with. Don't resign! It's your job hold on to it. And don't bloody apologise to anyone, no one should treat anyone like shit no matter what they have going on

But embarrassing about your dad yes, but not the end of the world

Hold your head up high and make the horrid customer feel like shit by being nice and don't get upset again just stay calm

Pumpkinpositive Sun 05-Jul-15 08:24:32

I'm confused. Was it the customer who phoned another store and spoke to the area manager? The customer will be at your meeting? That sounds very odd.

Why was the customer throwing his arms up and down? Why did he shout at you?

I think I remember seeing your previous OP. It's obviously not your fault that someone else took your keys home - but why couldn't the customer get into the building? Is that relate to you not being able to open up because someone else had your keys?

m0therofdragons Sun 05-Jul-15 08:28:44

Shouting so much you make someone cry is never acceptable. I've been a manager and if he was my staff member I would be disciplining him for his behaviour. All you need to do is hold your hands up to the key issue and apologise looking like you genuinely care but nobody should do anything more than that other than to make him apologise. I can't stand shout bosses.

In future if a boss shouts you simply walk away. When they get madder demanding you don't walk away you very calmly say "when you have calmed down and are willing to speak to me like a human being then I will listen to what you have to say, but I am a grown up and won't be spoken to in such an aggressive manner." This must be said as calmly and politely as possible.
Facing these things is terrifying but it will be over tomorrow and you will find out if the manager is someone you can trust. If not then hand in your notice but wait for after the meeting.
Re your dad - this wasn't a work issue is was your dad standing up to someone who had been abusive to his child. Use the abusive as it's very powerful.
Good luck opflowers

BarbarianMum Sun 05-Jul-15 08:29:50

I don't think you should resign. I think you should complain. Write out a factual, unemotional account of this bullying shitbags behaviour (list instances) and tell them it needs to stop or you will seeking legal advice.

Don't get drawn into discussion about your dad. You didn't ask him to come and you are not responsible for his behaviour. If they try and focus the meeting on this just point this out and refuse to engage.

Have you got a friend or colleague who could come to the meeting with you to take notes and provide moral support. They don't need to say anything.

Stop being worried about being told off (if you are ok with the idea if not having the job there is nothing more they can do to you). Instead start getting angry at the way you are being treated. Not the frustrated anger of someone afraid, aim for righteous indignation.

Howmanywotwots Sun 05-Jul-15 08:31:30

Yes, righteous indignation! And don't cry again

duffaho Sun 05-Jul-15 08:41:08

Im confused.Why did he(your boss?) shout at you because a customer was using some equipment?

I get that an unhinged boss might shout because customers were locked out of the building but why phone another branch once the building was open?

But anyway. YANBU to not want a repeat tomorrow , but you would be foolish to leave your job because of it. You have been bullied and you need to stand up to him. If you cant do it directly to his face make a formal complaint to his manager.

Stickerrocks Sun 05-Jul-15 09:14:11

Please start keeping a diary listing the times, dates & a brief outline of what was said in each incident. You have a right to follow your company's grievance procedure & make a complaint about the way you are treated. Ask for a copy of the procedure at the meeting with the area manager and say you wish to make a complaint. In the meantime try to limit things like personal phone calls during the working day, so you are not giving them any reasons to complain about you.

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl Sun 05-Jul-15 11:13:19

With out disrespect I disagree with, Howmany. You have a bloody good cry if it helps.
If you did not have the keys to get in to your work place. How is that your fault. This abusive man well so called screaming at a women and a pregnant women at that. Another big tough one, I guarantee he would not have carried on like that if you were a 6ft tall 6ft wide man. I bet he never screamed at your dad.
Oh just further read another so called man shouted at you. No wonder you're upset.
I actually think you havd strong grounds to complain. Your customers havd been abusivd to you and your boss has a legal duty of care to you. If she thinks it's okay for them to be abusive then she is failing in her duty of care.
Also by law they havd to risk assess for your pregnancy, anything that is going to put strain on you or proved to be putting a strain on you. Then you should be taken out of the situation.
Reading between the lines and I do not want to put ideas in your head but I am getting the victimisation vibe here very strongly.
Oh congratulations. Take it easy

alwaysaskingquestionz Sun 05-Jul-15 11:22:50

Shouting at someone whilst flapping your arms about is agressive behaviour. State calmly 'I will not be spoken to in such an agressive manner. I am ending this conversation.' Then walk away. You don't have to put up with this shit. I work in acute mental health where some of the service users are known and expected to be agressive, we would do exactly the same. You need to support of management to be able to do this - can you get union involved if they don't step up? Seems unfair that they get to force you from your job, but if it comes to it, you'll know when to walk away, work isn't worth stress illness if things get that bad x

alwaysaskingquestionz Sun 05-Jul-15 11:25:39

And bless your dad, not ideal but can't really blame him, he could reasonably have been worried about your safety. If they ask you about it say that. Managers are not keeping you safe and supported if it's an accepted part of the working day to have men shouting and screaming at you.

CakeLady1 Sun 05-Jul-15 11:32:42

It's a shame that in so many public facing establishments there has to be signs that say "our staff have the right to work in an environment where they don't have to endure verbal abuse or aggressiveness" - you would respect that anywhere you go (regardless of any signs!) so why should you have to put up with it?
Go to the meeting, hold you head up high & don't let anyone tell you that you reacted disproportionately because of hormones - anyone, pregnant, female or male should not have to put up with an arse like that. You dad did the right thing as some dickheads only back down when faced with another male.

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl Sun 05-Jul-15 11:33:12

No I don't blame her dad either, always, I think my dad would go nuclear, too

I think you need to take your dad out of this equation. He made his choices. You didn't ask him to do it (though make it very clear that he should never, ever get involved I your work again!)

Try to see the meeting as an opportunity. "Thank you for arranging this meeting. I've been hoping to discuss the bullying going on here for sometime so I really appreciate this opportunity. Now, I've written a report about the bullying I've suffered over the last x months. Shall I give you a chance to read it, then we can go on to discuss how, as my employer, you are going to ensure it doesn't happen again?"

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl Sun 05-Jul-15 12:01:53

Fantastic post, truth

teddybears Sun 05-Jul-15 12:04:50

Try to see the meeting as an opportunity. "Thank you for arranging this meeting. I've been hoping to discuss the bullying going on here for sometime so I really appreciate this opportunity. Now, I've written a report about the bullying I've suffered over the last x months. Shall I give you a chance to read it, then we can go on to discuss how, as my employer, you are going to ensure it doesn't happen again?"

I was going to advise the op of something similar but that's excellent - Op, please do the above!

TTWK Sun 05-Jul-15 12:08:16

No I don't blame her dad either, always, I think my dad would go nuclear, too

OMG, can't believe people are defending this! OP is a grown woman one assumes, at work, gets upset by an idiot customer, and her dad comes down to throw his weight around! Ffs, how old are you lot?

He sounds like a sexist pig, not liking someone shouting at his "little girl". Quite worrying really. Never heard of such a thing in the workplace.

OP, you need to apologise for his behaviour and read him the riot act.

alwaysaskingquestionz Sun 05-Jul-15 12:13:00

OP has been taking sustained abuse from agressive men and in the absence of any protective measures from managers (who have a duty of care towards staff), her dad stepped in. Yes not ideal but completely understandable. My dad would have done the same and I would not hae apologised for his actions one jot. If it's raised use it as an example of how far the bullying has gone, that your family are concerned for your safety at work.

Yes a hundred times over to Truth's post, write that one down for the meeting.

Topseyt Sun 05-Jul-15 12:21:50

I got the impression OP was maternity cover rather than pregnant herself. Sorry if I am wrong. So covering for someone else who is on maternity leave and due back in September??

Head held high OP. Do not accept this. Get your thoughts down on paper today, and be firm, cool, calm and collected in the meeting. They won't be expecting that.

Use some of the great advice given. Give them an unexpected run for their money.

KateSpade Sun 05-Jul-15 12:25:14

I wrote a long post this morning on my phone and it wouldnt post, so here we are again.

I like the line you've suggested Dragons i think i will be using that one in future.

duffa it was the customer who was having a tantrum because someone else was using the equiptment.

The whole day was awful, and as i said in the other thread its not the first time its happened. my shift was 7am - 6pm - without a break at all - because i was in on my own. We only have 3 members of staff and the manager is young and on his days off hes always uncontactable, fair enough its his time off - but the Assistant Manager is the same.

Not to drip feed but he was also after another piece of equiptment which i cannot drive - now the store manager did the rota informing me id be in on my own, he was aware i couldn't use this machine and felt it was okay. This is something i am going to bring up with my area manager.

I really do like all the suggestions you've posted as of what to say to him at the meeting, im going to take some notes in and stay strong. I am not going to accept any kind of disciplinary action at all and if he suggests it i will tell him so.

The Manager is on holiday for a fortnight - so only two staff members available - hence they need me alot more right now than i need them!

The gentleman that kicked off is normally a very nice customer, he stays chatting to us all after he's visited, very friendly - i was suprised that he ended up like that, tbh!

RichardInBermuda Sun 05-Jul-15 12:31:07

Mans response here.

Just quit. No jobs worth that much abuse. Especially if your confident about getting a new job. There are plenty of nice jobs around.

As a foot note : why Did you let your dad come to your job to stand up for you?

KateSpade Sun 05-Jul-15 12:35:19

Thanks for the advice Richard - my dad drove here after he heard how upset i was on the phone, and once he got here he and saw that it was him being a twat, he walked over to him and had a word - my father didnt shout or anything. Tbh, i was glad he came - because it was either that or call the police. Thats how aggressive he was.

Gruntfuttock Sun 05-Jul-15 12:38:30

Oh dear. I must be incredibly thick because I simply can't make head or tail of the OP's posts. What with customers using equipment. Phoning another store. OP can't drive a machine. Sorry I can't make sense of it all. confused What type of business is it?

CultureSucksDownWords Sun 05-Jul-15 12:50:40

I was thinking maybe a self storage place where customers come and access units, and possibly need a forklift or something driven for them. I don't see that it matters particularly.

OP, don't apologise. Make a list of what the managers can do to make it safe(r) for you. If you can't operate machinery then can they get a big sign up that says the days that machine isn't available? Can they give you a number for a manager who is always available on the days you work who can speak to customers if they question you and don't accept what you're saying? They should have a lone workers policy as a company - have you seen a copy? Get one if not.

Also call the police if it happens again and you feel unsafe.

MissDuke Sun 05-Jul-15 12:53:36

Sorry I am really confused. It was customers shouting at you, not a boss? Does your workplace have CCTV? When meeting with the area manager,m I would be turning this around and asking what they are doing to make you safe. Who took your keys home?

Was the customer who was locked out waiting on a piece of equipment that he had already paid for? First of all I thought it was a gym, now I am picturing one of those big tool hire places!

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