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school punishment

(96 Posts)
namech4nger Sun 28-Jun-15 22:30:51

Firstly my son is a good boy. I know everyone thinks their child is an angel but mine really is good. Polite and shares and many people have always complimented me on his behaviour. ...This also makes him a bit over sensitive and over emotional over things. ( like me really. I'm sensitive too).

Anyway on Friday he comes home from school crying. Been upset and crying all week including tonight. We attended a party yesterday and my son was his usual self at this time.. maybe the excitement made him forget. Anyway his still awake upset now and I just know there will be tears in the morning too. He dOes not want to go to school. My son otherwise loves school and learning and all his teachers and the 2 parents evenings there has been the teachers have said his a good boy.

so on Friday my son comes home crying that he was talking when he shouldn't have been so has been told his name is on the list and he will have to go on the wall on Monday. I told him that's correct and he shouldn't have been talking. He was really upset so during dinner after he calmed we stated talking through it and he said that his friend....let's call him Lee. ...was talking first my son spoke back...and then was told by the teacher he is on the wall.

I'm stuck on this.
This is the first time anything like this has occurred. I do n't want to go into the school and tell them he is not going on the wall as I don't want him to think that he can be naughty in the future and it's fine because mum will sort it out.

But the sticky point is he can't understand why he is going on the wall and Lee is not when Lee was the one who spoke first to then make him speak. I explained that things happen the world is not perfect Lee did not get caught but you did.

His not getting it.
He seems scared of the wall...I've explained it's standing next to a wall and not on it as he has never been on the wall before but he is do upset about it all and has been most of the weekend.

What do I do. Do I tell the teacher it was Lee too? Do I just send son in screaming and crying? my son even wants to write a letter to the teacher to say Lee was talking to him.

I feel heartbroken by this. I know that this is stupid. Aibu to ask what you would do.

my son is 5.

namech4nger Sun 28-Jun-15 22:31:53

Crying all weekend. Not all week.

LynetteScavo Sun 28-Jun-15 22:36:13

I would mention to the teacher than DS is very worried about standing next to the wall (never heard of such a thing before!). I wouldn't go in to whether it was DS or the other boy actually talking.

Euphemia Sun 28-Jun-15 22:36:35

Complete over-reacting from both of you - no wonder he's over-sensitive!

Your DS broke a rule and the teacher has followed the appropriate code of discipline. So she missed that the other boy broke the rule too - that doesn't negate the fact that your DS acted wrongly.

Stop making a fuss and let him move on.

TheSnowFairy Sun 28-Jun-15 22:36:39

Let the school deal with it. If it's the first time he's been told off he will be understandably upset but you do not need to get involved.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 28-Jun-15 22:36:45

This will be the first of many unfairnesses. I would say to him you understand it is unfair, but not everything in life is fair. He was talking this is the sanction and he needs to accept it.

00100001 Sun 28-Jun-15 22:37:22

What happens to a kid whose name is on my the wall? They stand next to it?

At 5, it seems a bit odd to put a punishment in place three days later confused
I'd query what happened with the teacher

00100001 Sun 28-Jun-15 22:38:23

But as PPs have said, its not a big issue

Wolfiefan Sun 28-Jun-15 22:39:37

Odd punishment.
Tough lesson to learn. If someone speaks to you and you are supposed to be silent. Don't speak back.
But very harsh for a 5 year old.

ltk Sun 28-Jun-15 22:42:35

Ok, first you need to toughen up considerably much. You just cannot be 'heartbroken' over a mild punishment for talking.
The 'wall' sounds Orwellian. Ignoring that... If your son is very upset you should talk to the teacher. He needs to learn how to toughen up a bit, too, and the teacher can explain the consequences to him. She can explain her expectations of behaviour and how to meet them. She can help him get past his upset and fear.
Do NOT tell the teacher that it was Lee's fault. That is daft. But do explain that he is upset over being caught when Lee was not, as it will help her understand he is upset about a perceived injustice.
Hope he is okay at school. But do go straight in and explain.

namech4nger Sun 28-Jun-15 22:42:50

They miss break and have to stand at the wall. No idea if the wall is inside the school or outside in the playground. Sorry just assumed you'd all know what the wall was....which is a bit silly of me really.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 28-Jun-15 22:43:42

The teacher saw him talking when he shouldn't have been. I don't really understand your issue. Harsh, but that's the way it goes. Your DS was speaking and it's not allowed. The teacher can't punish people unless he actually witnesses it, whether you and your DS tell tales on 'Lee' or not.,

Are you sure it doesn't just mean his name stays up on the wall (for example til a day of good behaviour on Monday means it is taken down)? Standing next to the wall sounds... unusual.

Teachers are just people though so these little injustices are inevitable, especially if the teacher is particularly trying to get the "no talking while the teacher is talking" rule ingrained atm for whatever reason.

basgetti Sun 28-Jun-15 22:47:16

I think it is disgusting to leave a 5 year old hanging all weekend waiting for a punishment. If he did something wrong then deal with it then and move on.

ltk Sun 28-Jun-15 22:47:24

I hope they don't stand by the wall for the whole of break... that's harsh.
By the way, ask if ds is often chatting on the carpet. Maybe he is often a bit disruptive.

littlejohnnydory Sun 28-Jun-15 22:49:47

It can't mean standing next to a wall, your son must have got the wrong end of the stick? A punishment thre days later is unusual for a five year old for something so small and missing break for talking once is very harsh (I wouldn't be happy at all if it were my child). If I were you I'd check with the teacher to clarify what happened and what the punishment is. When my ds went to school we had several incidents where he came home really upset, thinking he was in trouble for something and it all turned out to be a misunderstanding.

OwlinaTree Sun 28-Jun-15 22:50:22

We tell children to stand by the wall at playtime if they break a playtime rule. Ks1 so for a few minutes then they can join in again.

SomethingFunny Sun 28-Jun-15 22:51:03

I am confused about the actual punishment- does he not mean his name will be on the wall (our school moves names onto orange, red. Children would say they are on orange on the wall). But aside from that..

You son was talking when he shouldn't have been. It doesn't matter that lee was talking too. Do not speak to the teacher, back her up by saying to your son that that is the punishment - lee was just not caught, it doesn't mean your son should have been speaking or shouldn't be punished. At the moment your son- understandly a bit scared and sad because he has been naughty for the first time- is trying to explain away and get out of his punishment- you can't back him up in that!

Scholes34 Sun 28-Jun-15 22:51:32

For my DCs, the teacher in Year 6 had a table of shame, which pupils had to sit under if they did something naughty or silly. Most found it funny (pupils and parents alike), some were very sensitive about it. I'd put OP in that sensitive group.

What is bonkers is that the crime was committed on Friday and the child has had to worry about the punishment all weekend. That's the unreasonable aspect of this.

pickledparsnip Sun 28-Jun-15 22:51:54

Blimey the punishment sounds over the top to me. Completely unfair to leave a 5 year old worrying all weekend, should have been dealt with at the time. In all honesty I should think being told to be quiet would suffice, unless it was as ongoing problem (which you have said it's not).

LynetteScavo Sun 28-Jun-15 22:55:14

The holding the punishment over the weekend would really annoy me. It's really wrong, IMO.

When DS2 was in Y1 they had "golden time" on a Monday dependant on their behaviour the previous week. DS2 always got golden time, so I didn't feel I could complain, but some poor little things missed it, because of something they'd done wrong on Tuesday the previous week, and they couldn't even remember doing it by the time it was Monday. Ridiculous.

pickledparsnip Sun 28-Jun-15 22:55:50

I would talk to the teacher. Yeah he shouldn't have been talking, but bloody hell he's 5! Sorry but thinking a 5 year old needs to "toughen up" boggles my brain.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Sun 28-Jun-15 22:55:51

My dc's school has versions of happy/neutral/smiley face red/amber/green traffic light and they are ALL back on neutral the next day - totally clean slate.

Leaving a 5 year old contemplating his 'punishment' over a weekend is cruel IMO. Poor lad. Missing break time is unnecessary too. They're 5, they need to run and let off steam. There are other ways to 'punish'.

Op, YANBU.

SomethingFunny Sun 28-Jun-15 22:56:01

Oh and BTW- the teacher is probably happy that your DS has spoken in class and needed telling off. They like children to show a bit of spirit and be children. They still have to tell them off though.

My very quiet well behaved DS was told off for talking in class one day. The teacher told me afterwards how happy she'd been to have him caught chatting as normally he was worryingly quiet! She still had to tell him off though as there has to be one rule for all the children.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Sun 28-Jun-15 22:57:42

'Lee' didn't 'make him speak', and although it does seem like an odd kind of punishment, writing a letter to the the teacher explaining that it's all lee's fault doesn't seem like a good idea.

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