Neighbourhood kids in my house

[Heysham1]

I recently moved into a house with my three young children (6,4 & 3). Nice house, nice street, loads of kids. So far, so good.
However, recently, my house has become the 'hub' for all the other kids living on the street to visit. The age range is from 3 to perhaps 14 years old. Most of the time the kids all play together on the street.

The children are always reasonably polite, but seem very street-wise, something my children aren't.
They will often walk into and around my house without my knowledge and there have been occasions where a 3year old has been wandering around my house without me (or anyone else) knowing where she was. They will walk into bedrooms to take toys to play outside with and generally treat the place like their home.

The parents of these kids (from three other families) do not know me - apart from the odd hello, so it seems odd to me that they should be as lax as to allow little ones to do this.
Another issue is a 10year old boy who seems quite old for his age - as I type this he is lying on my couch watching a DVD with my kids. I didn't invite him into my house (but my kids are happy with him to be there), and he is asking my kids to cuddle him.

So, my questions are such:
Do I have a rule that no other kids are allowed in the house (this seems to be rule for the other houses) - or is that unreasonable and unsociable?
Should little children be left to wander around my house - do I inform the parents?
How do I stop the 10year old from cuddling my kids without causing embarrassment to my kids?

I am often 'responsible' for 9 kids (including my own) running in and out for the house and across the road immediately outside).
Help - am I being taken for a ride!

[Shakirasma]

Why are you allowing theses children in your house? Say no and lock the doors.

How have your children met these other kids as your own children are still too young to be playing in the street unsupervised?

[SpamAnderson]

Can you not just tell them they are not allowed in your house?! If you keep allowing them, they'll just keep coming!

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

For goodness sakes just take some control over the situation! Very simple keep front door locked, if neighbourhood kids knock either let them in under your rules or send them away. I'm baffled that you are allowing tbh

[RainbowCake]

You need to knock it on the head now! I'm just imagining what it's gong to be like for you in the summer holidays
only allow 1 or 2 in at a time IF they are invited and it is convenient to you.
It is your home not a bloody youth club or free child care facility.

[KillmeNow]

Keep the doors clocked - or on a chain at least.

its difficult to understand how other parents are happy for their small children to wander in this way but you ae setting yourself up for all sorts of problems in the future if this keeps on happening.

Keep your relationships with the neighbours friendly but slightly aloof for at least a full year until you know how the land lies. For all you know they are all one huge family and happy for their children to be in each others houses. You are still a stranger and need to watch your own back.

[50shadesofmeh]

you need to create boundaries, make your kids ask if they want someone over to play, lock doors so people have to ring doorbell to ask your kids to come out, if they ask to come in say, say no sorry not at the moment.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

I always like other kids round because then I don't have to be play organiser. That said I would obviously only have children I know in my house and have invited in, and whose parents know they are there!

[expatinscotland]

You need to lock your doors! No more kids unless they are invited.

[CheekyNandos]

That's a hard one OP as I can fully understand you not wanting to seem unsociable but I think that's excellent advice from KillmeNow

[WhetherOrNot]

that they should be as lax as to allow little ones to do this

YOU are the one letting the little ones do this - not THEM. YOU have to make the boundaries in your own home for the children that visit

[CheekyNandos]

Thanks KillmeNow - your last paragraph has been excellent advice to me in my own life - albeit a slightly different problem.


I do sympathise with you OP - this is precisely a situation I'd struggle to be appropriately assertive in!

[mrstweefromtweesville]

Set some boundaries. Its your house.

Many years ago a woman beat on my door early on a Saturday morning, looking for her 'lost' child, demanding to be allowed in to look around! No. She then tried to tell me that my toddler could have let hers into the house without my knowledge. No. I was a registered childminder and my doors were always kept locked.

No-one in unless you say so.
Set one room aside for play - visitors go there and there only. If they need the bathroom and there isn't one adjacent, they go home.

You are putting yourself and your children at risk - even if its only the risk of having your hospitality abused.

Time to grow a pair, perhaps?

[Frenchmustard7]

Lock the door and tell them you are having a quiet week if they knock.

[NoSquirrels]

Lots of kids play out where we live, including my DC. The kids all know the rules, which are the same for all the houses - no discussion amongst us on this, it's just understood by osmosis!

Rules are no entering anyone's house or back garden without parent/adult permission, from both sides (so if your DC want to bring a friend in they have to ask you AND the friend's parent for permission - this stops you being unwittingly in charge of someone else's kids, and the other parent from worrying where said kids have disappeared to). My DC know which toys are OK to take out and which aren't. When playing out, come when you're called, stay within the agreed limits (not across the road etc.) and punishment for breaking rules = no playing out (fate worse than death!)

As the adult you need to get good at practising your firm voice and hard stare at potential problem kids. Really, they will respond OK to authority, you just set the limits and enforce them. I would just tell the boy it's time to go home now, and then talk to your DC about setting rules about people in the house.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Lock the door and keep these kids out.

Job done.

[Floggingmolly]

Did you actually have to be told to keep your door locked when the entire neighbourhood roaming round your house at will is a problem for you?
Really??
Your own children don't sound a whole lot safer than those other kids whose welfare you seem so concerned with?

[sunseeker66]

Crikey op sounds like my worst nightmare. My door would be firmly locked and the kids would be told to clear off.

[gamerchick]

Man you need to sort this out now.. The kids break up from school next month

Start by keeping your door locked even when you're in. You really should do that anyway to stop run in and grab burglaries.

[Heysham1]

Thank-you all. Wise words from everyone. Yes, I shall 'grow a pair' as someone said! The difficulty for me was I wanted to keep the front door open and unlocked, so my kids can have free access in and out.
That said - things are changing and no more kids allowed unless I invite them and I'll make sure my kids know the rules.

[ghostspirit]

oh dear not good. i have kids in and out of my house as well. theres my kids neighbours kids plus if my kids or neighbours kids have friends over they end up in and out as well. so can be 8-12 kids in and out age ranging from 4-18. but its because i allow it. if i say no then its no. simple. if my doors are open because its a nice day if they come in and i dont want to them in then i just say so. its never been an issue

[Twooter]

Aren't your kids a bit young for free access?

[HalestormRock]

Have to agree with Twooter - your kids are far too young to have free access.

[LadyLardArse]

Fuckin Hell

Lock the door.....

[Heysham1]

Re - free access...imagine a 'Coronation Street' row of terrace houses, but with a tiny front garden. I sit on the small front wall and watch my kids, but the door is open so they can come and go as they please. The other kids have been seeing this as a open door policy as well. I want my kids to play outside, so this is what I need to do. My kids don't cross roads, go out-of-sight, go into any else's houses etc - so this seems quite a safe situation. The only down-side is that I feel responsible for the other little one's who are running across the road etc.